Changing

Changing is something that is seemingly impossible at times. Scripture tells us that with God all things are possible, and yet, when we see characteristics of our personality or temperament that have sinful manifestations, we are often discouraged by the "inability" to change. I say inability carefully because on the one hand, we know that is false. With God, in Christ Jesus' righteousness and the power of the Spirit, we know that we can change. But in the flesh, we truly are unable. And very often, it seems that our flesh wins. We spend hours contemplating the changes we want to make, we even seek counsel and pray thoughtfully toward that end, and yet change remains elusive. We read Bible passages that relate directly to our specific sin struggles, memorize them, hang them on bathroom mirrors or put them on a card and tape it to our dashboard. But nothing seems to change. Then we begin to wonder if there's any point to trying because it never seems to come together. Then there is the even greater condemnation that creeps into our thinking as we start to consider the ramifications of not changing. If we are not changing, then what have we been missing? My pastor has said, "If we have not changed, then we have not learned". There couldn't be a much more glaringly obvious conviction than that. When we continue to struggle with the same sins over and over, then it is evidence that we have not truly learned. Something is unresolved. This is a dangerous place to be, and yet the safest place to be in the sense that we have become aware of it. Ignorance is a quick way to hell. But when we become aware that there is habitual sin in our lives, then we are more inclined to address it. In fact, the genuine believer will be most tormented by the sin he sees in his life. We can take heart in knowing that the conscience God has formed within us is doing its work of conviction, which will hopefully lead to sincere repentance and a desire to flee from that sin and fly to the cross. Oftentimes when we struggle with the same sins over and over, it is because we have tried to conquer it in our flesh, instead of seeking the blood-bought power of Christ within us as our means of true sanctification. May we learn, and therefore, be changed.

I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...

These are the words to one of my favorite songs. And tonight they are a most needful reminder to me of where I do need to go with all the burdens I cannot bear. Because they really do feel unbearable at times. Like last night. My mind was a frenzied whirlwind, utterly unfixed upon the promises of God. Though I prayed a little here and there amidst such thoughts and "tried" to set my mind and heart on things above, instead of the things here on earth...I certainly did not try very hard. I was quick to give up and give in. Oh, how I long to learn to discipline my thoughts and emotions. It feels like a constant roller coaster of reigning them in, bringing them captive to Christ, and then just as quickly experiencing the abrupt effects of the "drop" - it really is like a roller coaster (which by the way, I think of as one of the most dreadful things to experience in life, which is why the analogy will probably seem totally ridiculous to many who love the thrill of such contraptions!).

The point is, like a roller coaster, I am on this "high" where my mind is stayed upon Christ, and then without any warning, it all falls out from underneath me and my mind is consumed by worries about temporal matters. I heard a tremendous sermon by a wise young man the other night, and he described this outrageously beautiful picture of Christ, in which he said that nothing else matters but Christ - yet, within hours after hearing it, I sinfully chose to forgo my thoughts of Christ and began to become overwhelmed thinking about all my responsibilities, how I will find time for all that I must do in the next couple of months, how I miss spending precious times of fellowship with friends because we are all too busy or live so far from one another, how I feel like I do so many things but do nothing well because I am barely holding it all together, wondering what the future holds, contemplating if it's time to move on from some things and pursue something different, wishing I could be a mother, being frustrated that I struggle with the same sins over and over...clearly, allowing my thoughts to go wildly uncontrolled. This led to a sleepless night, one in which I awoke several times, laying awake for hours, only to get up this morning feeling exhausted and disappointed in myself.

In all these things, God is most gracious, is He not? I made it through the day, I didn't have any emotional distress, and I was able to accomplish more than I thought I would when I first awoke to such defeated thoughts. His mercies truly are new every morning, and are just enough to be measured for each day - even moment by moment. He is so good to me! How I love Him! I love that even though I still don't feel like many issues were resolved, there are many remaining frustrations and disappointments - both in myself and in others - I am grateful to be reminded that those feelings hold no significance in the light of God's plans and purposes for my life. My feelings are ever-deceiving and always seeking to promote myself. When I become jealous that there seems to be little opportunity for me to rest or enjoy some frivolities of this life, I can be certain there is no truth in those feelings. When I get discouraged by the way I think others treat me, or by the sin I see in their own lives, I can rest assured there is no validity to it. My flesh has trained me to interpret things as being deserved or undeserved. I have exalted myself and my feelings. I love that God, in Christ Jesus, has already covered all these ridiculously sinful notions in His forgiving grace. I love that even though I don't remember these things oftentimes, He remembers for me. And He is merciful to keep me from sinning worse than I do, because left to myself, I am sure these feelings and contemplations could lead to horrific actions and attitudes that would ruin my testimony and certainly be a discouragement to others. He truly covers my sin and my shame.

Back to the song. "Since you brought dead ones to life...I know You can do that with mine...so I come to You with my broken heart in my hands. I come to You with an anxious and troubled mind...Just like You did to the sea...I know that You will bring peace. I ask, I seek, and knock...that the door will be opened. I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...Your yoke is easy so I, can trade them for one that is light. So I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear. I come to You with a life that I do not own. The door to Your kingdom is great, and You gave Your own life away...that the door will be opened."

Lord, teach me to come to You with the burdens I cannot bear, to cast them at the foot of the cross, where all things have been made new, and You have reconciled me to Yourself in all ways, so that no burden is heavy.

Leaving behind our discretion

We are reaching an age in time when discretion has crept out the back door...or in some cases, just ran blatantly right out the front! With the wide open spaces of email, Facebook, blogging, and mySpace, we are free to expose whatever we want for the whole world to hear and see. In a time when Christ has been brought down to our level as a means of excusing sin, we have lost our discretion. We no longer blush at mentioning private matters in a very public manner. It's no wonder that women are no longer retaining their feminine virtues - we have been exposed to all kinds of perverse and unladylike manner of living. In fact, we are often eager to engage in such attitudes, speech and behavior. We parade photos of ourselves in swimsuits all across our Facebook profiles. We splash flirtatious words across the message boards of the Internet. We speak in vague ambiguities merely to stir up curiosity among our peers. What's worse, is that we have forgotten not only our discretion, but our call to discipleship amongst the covenant community. Scripture is clear that older men are to be "sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness," and women are to be "reverent in behavior...to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands". Why? "So that the Word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2). When we disregard these instructions and begin to interact and behave just as the world, our ability to influence others for Christ is not only discredited, it is mocked and reviled. I am not seeking to be legalistic in the sense of telling you what you can and cannot wear or what you can do with your "free time". What I am saying is that when you document it and publicize it in an arena where people have no understanding of the background or reasoning behind it, you cannot expect there to be no consequences. Posting photos that call attention to our physical beauty make it quite obvious what we are looking for. Writing about personal matters in a way that leaves much information left to the interpreter, or simply discourages them because we have made our complaints quite clear, has nothing to do with mutual accountability or fellowship within the body. By doing such things, we are provoking others to sin in one way or another. Each one of us is an older and younger woman in every relationship we encounter. Even as a young woman, we are an older woman to those girls we interact with. With each year that passes, we should become more and more of a wise and careful influence on those around us.

We have been warned about this godlessness in the last days. As Paul wrote to Timothy, "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning but never able to arrive at the knowledge of truth." Does this apply to men and women? Of course, as does all of Scripture. But since I am a woman, I am speaking to women here. How is it that weak women are captured, especially if they are in their own homes, as they should be? Because they are not on guard, and they are not busy tending to the things of the Lord. It is quite possible to be a homemaker, never working outside the home, yet be dragged away by the evils of this world. How are we spending our time at home? Aimlessly clicking the remote? Wandering around on one another's profiles looking for juicy or exciting information? Are we using every opportunity - and I mean every - to exalt the name of Christ in one another's lives? It is this age when we are the most in danger, because everything has become so accessible. There are no restrictions any longer.

May we be always pursuing the righteous fruit of Christ. As Paul said to Titus, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works".

Comfort

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." Colossians 1:3-5

We encourage because we have been encouraged in Christ. We love because we have been loved in Christ. We serve because we have been eternally served beyond all that we could ask or think. We can extend mercy because of the mercy that has been lavished upon us. We cover one another's sins because Christ has covered ours. We speak with knowledge and wisdom, because to do otherwise is to deny what we have been given in Christ.