It never ends...

The problem of immodesty, impurity, indiscretion, and seduction seems to never go away...but of particular concern is that it doesn't even seem restrained within the Church. We hear sermons, read devotionals, study Scripture ourselves - and yet the problem remains ever-present. I just returned from a youth camp last week, at which we had the privilege of being taught very clearly about the scriptural basis for biblical manhood and womanhood - both in relation to masculinity and femininity, as well as the area of dating (or whatever you might like to call it). It seems to be a topic that is revisited over and over, to the point that we hear young people letting out sighs of complaint when it comes up once again.

We must take note that unfortunately the problem is often exacerbated by uninvolved/unconcerned - or at best - biblically ignorant, parents. Whenever the issue arises, there are always remarks made like, "My parents never tell me I can't wear this!" or from older women, "Well my husband doesn't seem to mind" and "You're just being legalistic!"

Now, on the one hand, there must be balance. There is certainly not more piety in a woman simply because she wears a dress that covers all the way down to her ankles and reveals no traces of makeup or hair product. This woman may oftentimes have just as much sinful preoccupation with her physical appearance as the woman wearing tight shorts that look no better than an undergarment. It might be that she is sinfully prideful in being more conservative. So we must be cautious when making such judgments.

But here's the main thing. When discussing modesty or demeanor, we tend to always lean on the argument that Scripture is not clear and so we can't really judge one another in these matters. However, if we don't do any wise and helpful judging, then how will anyone ever know what modesty/purity/discretion really is? Areas that are "gray" in the Bible demand that we apply biblical principles to make wise decisions that will only build up the body of Christ. And I fear that this is where we as the Church are failing miserably.

When your question about your clothing is more geared toward how far can you go without being immodest, rather than - how modest can you be - then there is the problem! If you have to ask your mother or an older Christian woman, "Is this OK?" then it's likely that you already know the answer. Unfortunately, many fathers and mothers are not thinking clearly in this area. Oftentimes, they view it as "innocent" or "cute", which in effect, provokes the problem.

The same goes for behavior. If your demeanor is such that you are perceived as the girl everyone is always chasing after, and your smiles, gestures and eye movements are altered when you are around certain men, then you already know that you are showing favoritism, flirtation and even seductiveness. These mannerisms are not seen in Scripture in any way, other than the descriptions of those who are united as husband and wife. The same application can be made for men, but as a woman, my role is to speak to my own gender.

This may sound like a rant. And it does seem to occupy my thoughts often. But the Bible speaks repeatedly on the discreet and submissive and lovely adornments of a godly woman. So it must be an issue that every woman carefully considers repeatedly. Tendencies toward immodesty, flirtatious behavior and seductive language reveal a heart that is filled with vanity. The attention is on self. It is not on the other person, or on the body of Christ. When a man or woman is constantly seeking the attention of the opposite sex in a way that has not been affirmed or cannot be righteously fulfilled in marriage, then the sin of self has taken control of his or her thoughts, motives and agenda.

Paying exclusive attention to the opposite sex without securing a commitment of hearts through the means of parental and pastoral permission, whether by way of immodest dress, behavior or speech (this can be through flirting, incessant texting/messaging, emotional fantasizing), is telling your brothers and sisters in Christ that you do not value the Christ-bearing image of each one's creation design. You are placing your self-interest above that of your Christian family - not to mention sending a clear message to the world that you see no reason to pursue femininity/masculinity and relationships in a way that is radically different than theirs.

"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:4

Encouraging Resources for Women...

Several of my college girls, as well as friends and peers have asked what books I would recommend to women desiring to learn more about biblical womanhood, singleness, marriage and parenting. Because I am working on my graduate school thesis and have been reading non-stop, I thought I would make a list that way it would be a quick reference I could pass along from time to time. Anyway, I am sure there are many I have either not read or not included in this list, so by no means is it exhaustive, but hopefully it might be helpful in some way. I also cannot say that I would 100% agree with every thought presented in each book or site. However, overall, I would say they offer quite reliable and biblically sound materials, and as with anything, should be understood with God-wrought spiritual discernment.

Blogs:
http://girltalkblogs.com
http://solofemininity.blogs.com
http://affolter-mel.blogspot.com (**this is my blog and I include it merely because I often place links and quotes of other helpful resources on it)

Biblical Websites for Women:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/
http://cbmw.org
http://www.womencounselingwomen.com
http://gnpcb.org/sites/total.truth
http://truewomanhood.wordpress.com
http://biblicalwomanhoodonline.com
http://girlsgonewise.com

Modesty:
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey

Biblical & Theological Encouragement:
http://a1m.org – ministry of Steve Camp
http://www.epm.org – Randy Alcorn provides a God-exalting picture of finances
http://boundless.org
http://joshharris.com – ministry of the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Books:
Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Biblical Womanhood in the Home – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Big Truths For Young Hearts – Bruce Ware
By Design – Susan Hunt
Chance to Die, A – Amy Carmichael
Comforts From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Counsel From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Damsels in Distress – Martha Peace
Depression, A Stubborn Darkness – Ed Welch
Designing a Lifestyle That Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? – Carolyn McCulley
Disciplines of a Godly Woman – Barbara Hughes
Divine Design – John MacArthur
Does Christianity Squash Women? – Rebecca Jones
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart – John Ensor
Don’t Make Me Count to Three: A Mom’s Look.. – Ginger Plowman
Elizabeth Prentiss: More Love to Thee (a biography) – Sharon James
Evangelical Feminism: A New Path to Liberalism? – Wayne Grudem
Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth – Wayne Grudem
Excellent Wife, The – Martha Peace
Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God – Noel Piper
Female Piety – John Angell James
Feminine Appeal – Carolyn Mahaney
Feminist Mistake, The – Mary Kassian
Fine China is for Single Women Too – Lydia Brownback
Freedom of Power and Forgiveness, The – John MacArthur
Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild – Mary Kassian
Give Me This Mountain – Dr. Helen Roseveare
God, Marriage and Family – Andreas Kostenberger
God’s Design For Women: Biblical Womanhood For Today – Sharon James
Gospel Primer for Christians, A – Milton Vincent
Gospel Powered Parenting – William P. Farley
He Gave Us a Valley – Dr. Helen Roseveare
Helper by Design – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Holding Hands, Holding Hearts – Richard Phillips
Idols of the Heart – Elyse Fitzpatrick
In Trouble and In Joy – Sharon James
Instructing a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands – Paul David Tripp
Legacy of Biblical Womanhood – Susan Hunt
Let Me Be a Woman – Elisabeth Elliot
Lies Women Believe & Lies Young Women Believe – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Jay Adams
One Year Book of Hope, The – Nancy Guthrie
Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Peacemaking Women – Tara Barthel & Judy Dabler
Practicing Hospitality – Pat Ennis & Lisa Tatlock
Precious in God’s Sight – Pat Ennis
Preparing for Marriage God’s Way – Wayne Mack
Radical Womanhood – Carolyn McCulley
Relationships, A Mess Worth Making – Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
Rich Single Life, The – Andrew Farmer
Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest – Ed Welch
Shepherding a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Shopping For Time – Carolyn Mahaney (& daughters)
Solving Marriage Problems – Jay Adams
Stepping Heavenward – Elizabeth Prentiss
Sweet and Bitter Providence, A – John Piper
This Momentary Marriage – John Piper
Total Truth – Nancy Pearcy
Treasuring God in Our Traditions – Noel Piper
True Woman – Susan Hunt
Twelve Extraordinary Women – John MacArthur
War of Words – Paul Tripp
When Sinners Say “I Do” – Dave Harvey
Woman After God’s Own Heart, A – Elizabeth George
Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide – Elyse Fitzpatrick & Carol Cornish
Women’s Ministry in the Church – J. Ligon Duncan & Susan Hunt