The problem of immodesty, impurity, indiscretion, and seduction seems to never go away...but of particular concern is that it doesn't even seem restrained within the Church. We hear sermons, read devotionals, study Scripture ourselves - and yet the problem remains ever-present. I just returned from a youth camp last week, at which we had the privilege of being taught very clearly about the scriptural basis for biblical manhood and womanhood - both in relation to masculinity and femininity, as well as the area of dating (or whatever you might like to call it). It seems to be a topic that is revisited over and over, to the point that we hear young people letting out sighs of complaint when it comes up once again.
We must take note that unfortunately the problem is often exacerbated by uninvolved/unconcerned - or at best - biblically ignorant, parents. Whenever the issue arises, there are always remarks made like, "My parents never tell me I can't wear this!" or from older women, "Well my husband doesn't seem to mind" and "You're just being legalistic!"
Now, on the one hand, there must be balance. There is certainly not more piety in a woman simply because she wears a dress that covers all the way down to her ankles and reveals no traces of makeup or hair product. This woman may oftentimes have just as much sinful preoccupation with her physical appearance as the woman wearing tight shorts that look no better than an undergarment. It might be that she is sinfully prideful in being more conservative. So we must be cautious when making such judgments.
But here's the main thing. When discussing modesty or demeanor, we tend to always lean on the argument that Scripture is not clear and so we can't really judge one another in these matters. However, if we don't do any wise and helpful judging, then how will anyone ever know what modesty/purity/discretion really is? Areas that are "gray" in the Bible demand that we apply biblical principles to make wise decisions that will only build up the body of Christ. And I fear that this is where we as the Church are failing miserably.
When your question about your clothing is more geared toward how far can you go without being immodest, rather than - how modest can you be - then there is the problem! If you have to ask your mother or an older Christian woman, "Is this OK?" then it's likely that you already know the answer. Unfortunately, many fathers and mothers are not thinking clearly in this area. Oftentimes, they view it as "innocent" or "cute", which in effect, provokes the problem.
The same goes for behavior. If your demeanor is such that you are perceived as the girl everyone is always chasing after, and your smiles, gestures and eye movements are altered when you are around certain men, then you already know that you are showing favoritism, flirtation and even seductiveness. These mannerisms are not seen in Scripture in any way, other than the descriptions of those who are united as husband and wife. The same application can be made for men, but as a woman, my role is to speak to my own gender.
This may sound like a rant. And it does seem to occupy my thoughts often. But the Bible speaks repeatedly on the discreet and submissive and lovely adornments of a godly woman. So it must be an issue that every woman carefully considers repeatedly. Tendencies toward immodesty, flirtatious behavior and seductive language reveal a heart that is filled with vanity. The attention is on self. It is not on the other person, or on the body of Christ. When a man or woman is constantly seeking the attention of the opposite sex in a way that has not been affirmed or cannot be righteously fulfilled in marriage, then the sin of self has taken control of his or her thoughts, motives and agenda.
Paying exclusive attention to the opposite sex without securing a commitment of hearts through the means of parental and pastoral permission, whether by way of immodest dress, behavior or speech (this can be through flirting, incessant texting/messaging, emotional fantasizing), is telling your brothers and sisters in Christ that you do not value the Christ-bearing image of each one's creation design. You are placing your self-interest above that of your Christian family - not to mention sending a clear message to the world that you see no reason to pursue femininity/masculinity and relationships in a way that is radically different than theirs.
"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:4
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