Thursday, December 31, 2009
Addition
After rereading my post from several hours ago, I wanted to point out one further thing regarding "fellowship". True Christian fellowship is not having a dinner out or going to the movies. I think we erroneously believe we are having Christian fellowship anytime we engage in such activities with other Christians. These events actually just provide an opportunity for true fellowship. You can go to dinner or a movie and never experience true fellowship. It can be merely a social outing and nothing more. However, as believers, if we are intentional with our motives and always consumed with our love for Christ, "breaking bread" together as the New Testament Christians did, will be characterized for us by encouraging and thoughtful conversations. The base of our relationships with one another will be to sharpen each other continually, to be conformed to the image of Christ more and more. Whether married or unmarried, this should be the primary motivation for the time spent together.
Segregation
Let me preface this post with a couple of disclaimers (I guess that's what we would call them:)...
1)I am not turning this blog into a "singles" blog despite some frequent posts on the subject of being unmarried. However, because I am in the process of working on my graduate thesis (which is about the unmarried woman), it is a more pertinent consideration in my life these days.
2)I am not complaining or referring to myself specifically in these posts. My life as an unmarried woman is richly full and significantly blessed beyond measure! While I do desire marriage in many regards, I am happily submissive to God's perfect will for my life right now (most of the time anyway!). I am writing these posts, as well as my entire thesis, specifically for the benefit of ministry - ministry to myself, to my dear sisters in Christ who remain single for this season, and for the benefit of the Church, so that maybe just a little, we can cultivate a better understanding of how the unmarried woman relates to and lives out her calling in the community of believers in which she serves.
That being said, I plan to have a full chapter of my thesis devoted to the role of the unmarried woman in her local church, as well as that church's role in the unmarried woman's life. These things could certainly apply to men as well, but since I am a woman, my calling is to speak primarily to women and leave the teaching and discipling of men to my wise and God-ordained male authorities.
In observing the local church and its relationship to the unmarried woman, many would immediately and rightly note that there is a special place for mentoring and training, in which the Titus 2 model is carried out in an effort to live out a holy calling of spiritual mothering. To this I would be the first to cry out a hearty "Amen!". However, I believe there is much more to this relationship of the unmarried woman to her congregation when we consider the later age at which many women are marrying and even the more common experience of prolonged or permanent singleness. While I could spend time outlining the many possible reasons for this "trend" (such as prolonged adolescence, selfish ambition and feminist mindset, a shortage of godly, driven and biblically sound males who are prepared to take a bride and lead a home, and even just the ever increasing affects of sin in general - for it was God Himself who said it was not good for man to be alone, yet He said this before the Fall - is it possible that singleness is one of the outcomes of sin entering this world since His original intention was for marriage?...these are all areas of consideration I will explore further in my thesis after much more diligent study), the primary purpose of this post is not to do so, but it is to discuss how an unmarried woman can relate to her spiritual family and how they can relate to her.
One of the first things that came to my mind when thinking on all of this was the examples of the apostles and close followers of Christ in the New Testament. It is evident that there was a great deal of fellowship that took place between both marrieds and unmarrieds. In fact, part of what makes that clear is that there is not a distinguishing mention of those classifications. Now, we live in a day where classifications are everything and everywhere! We have singles fellowships, young marrieds dinners, family nights, and on and on. Please note, I am not calling for us to do away with all such categories. I know that it is beneficial to all for some Bible studies and classes to be aimed at particular audiences who are experiencing similar circumstances in life. However, have we so segregated ourselves in these categories that it becomes totally unnatural to specifically plan to fellowship together? Let me give a couple of real-life examples. Last week I went to dinner and a movie with a married couple I am friends with, and later today, I will meet another young married couple for lunch. I am not bringing a date, or even another girlfriend to accompany me. It will be me, my friend and her husband. And let me tell you, those outings are very special to me. It is my time to feel like an adult, a true friend...much more than a babysitter or a pity project. We enjoy true and sweet fellowship. I give these examples because I know of many singles who don't have such experiences. So, the next time you are planning a game night or going out to the movies, invite some friends - whoever that may be - without limiting the guest list to just those with a spouse and kids the same age as yours. Yes, there are times when you want to be alone on a date with your husband or go out with another couple you enjoy talking with. But just consider the opportunity you have to be a "family" to the unmarried woman and to make her feel loved in Christ Jesus.
Lest you think I only offer "corrective" advice for the marrieds, let me speak to the unmarried woman's role as well. Ladies, let us not box ourselves in. Be flexible about how you spend time with your married friends. Being friends with a married woman requires that you be willing to maybe run errands with her, help her around the house, work on a special project, or have a cup of coffee while her kids play outside. You too must be willing to change up your plans and your preconceived idea of what you think fellowship is. Some of the best conversations I have had with married friends were painting a dresser until the wee hours of the morning, rocking a baby while she did dishes and chatted with me.
By being willing to forgo the typical expectations of society (ones that we have foolishly placed on ourselves and are not rooted in Scripture), we have deprived one another of some very sweet and encouraging friendships in the body of Christ. It is clear man was not meant to be alone - whatever that looks like for each of us may be different. God created us to live in community with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to teach one another and live out examples of godliness as a testimony of the transforming work of the Savior. Acts chapter two provides a vivid demonstration of this principle:
44And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.
Take note, it does not say, "all the married people" or "all the single people" gathered in the temple and homes. There was no segregation.
1)I am not turning this blog into a "singles" blog despite some frequent posts on the subject of being unmarried. However, because I am in the process of working on my graduate thesis (which is about the unmarried woman), it is a more pertinent consideration in my life these days.
2)I am not complaining or referring to myself specifically in these posts. My life as an unmarried woman is richly full and significantly blessed beyond measure! While I do desire marriage in many regards, I am happily submissive to God's perfect will for my life right now (most of the time anyway!). I am writing these posts, as well as my entire thesis, specifically for the benefit of ministry - ministry to myself, to my dear sisters in Christ who remain single for this season, and for the benefit of the Church, so that maybe just a little, we can cultivate a better understanding of how the unmarried woman relates to and lives out her calling in the community of believers in which she serves.
That being said, I plan to have a full chapter of my thesis devoted to the role of the unmarried woman in her local church, as well as that church's role in the unmarried woman's life. These things could certainly apply to men as well, but since I am a woman, my calling is to speak primarily to women and leave the teaching and discipling of men to my wise and God-ordained male authorities.
In observing the local church and its relationship to the unmarried woman, many would immediately and rightly note that there is a special place for mentoring and training, in which the Titus 2 model is carried out in an effort to live out a holy calling of spiritual mothering. To this I would be the first to cry out a hearty "Amen!". However, I believe there is much more to this relationship of the unmarried woman to her congregation when we consider the later age at which many women are marrying and even the more common experience of prolonged or permanent singleness. While I could spend time outlining the many possible reasons for this "trend" (such as prolonged adolescence, selfish ambition and feminist mindset, a shortage of godly, driven and biblically sound males who are prepared to take a bride and lead a home, and even just the ever increasing affects of sin in general - for it was God Himself who said it was not good for man to be alone, yet He said this before the Fall - is it possible that singleness is one of the outcomes of sin entering this world since His original intention was for marriage?...these are all areas of consideration I will explore further in my thesis after much more diligent study), the primary purpose of this post is not to do so, but it is to discuss how an unmarried woman can relate to her spiritual family and how they can relate to her.
One of the first things that came to my mind when thinking on all of this was the examples of the apostles and close followers of Christ in the New Testament. It is evident that there was a great deal of fellowship that took place between both marrieds and unmarrieds. In fact, part of what makes that clear is that there is not a distinguishing mention of those classifications. Now, we live in a day where classifications are everything and everywhere! We have singles fellowships, young marrieds dinners, family nights, and on and on. Please note, I am not calling for us to do away with all such categories. I know that it is beneficial to all for some Bible studies and classes to be aimed at particular audiences who are experiencing similar circumstances in life. However, have we so segregated ourselves in these categories that it becomes totally unnatural to specifically plan to fellowship together? Let me give a couple of real-life examples. Last week I went to dinner and a movie with a married couple I am friends with, and later today, I will meet another young married couple for lunch. I am not bringing a date, or even another girlfriend to accompany me. It will be me, my friend and her husband. And let me tell you, those outings are very special to me. It is my time to feel like an adult, a true friend...much more than a babysitter or a pity project. We enjoy true and sweet fellowship. I give these examples because I know of many singles who don't have such experiences. So, the next time you are planning a game night or going out to the movies, invite some friends - whoever that may be - without limiting the guest list to just those with a spouse and kids the same age as yours. Yes, there are times when you want to be alone on a date with your husband or go out with another couple you enjoy talking with. But just consider the opportunity you have to be a "family" to the unmarried woman and to make her feel loved in Christ Jesus.
Lest you think I only offer "corrective" advice for the marrieds, let me speak to the unmarried woman's role as well. Ladies, let us not box ourselves in. Be flexible about how you spend time with your married friends. Being friends with a married woman requires that you be willing to maybe run errands with her, help her around the house, work on a special project, or have a cup of coffee while her kids play outside. You too must be willing to change up your plans and your preconceived idea of what you think fellowship is. Some of the best conversations I have had with married friends were painting a dresser until the wee hours of the morning, rocking a baby while she did dishes and chatted with me.
By being willing to forgo the typical expectations of society (ones that we have foolishly placed on ourselves and are not rooted in Scripture), we have deprived one another of some very sweet and encouraging friendships in the body of Christ. It is clear man was not meant to be alone - whatever that looks like for each of us may be different. God created us to live in community with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to teach one another and live out examples of godliness as a testimony of the transforming work of the Savior. Acts chapter two provides a vivid demonstration of this principle:
44And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.
Take note, it does not say, "all the married people" or "all the single people" gathered in the temple and homes. There was no segregation.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Christ my Husband...
The holidays are always a time that can be quite difficult for many walking through this temporal life. Maybe a spouse of many years has passed recently, maybe one's marriage has unexpectedly and tragically ended, maybe a parent has died...or sadly, maybe a child, or maybe one has watched another year pass without a family of her own. I would fall into the latter category, and I would immediately say that this category is probably far less tragic and sorrowful as the others mentioned. In fact, it is no tragedy at all because it is God's perfect will for my life right now. And how could I be disappointed or frustrated at God's will? That would mean that I believed He was not a good, loving and benevolent God.
As a single woman, there are so many common statements made by well-meaning friends who want to be an encouragement, however, often what is said is not really biblical or helpful. For instance, at a wedding this past weekend, I cannot count how many times myself and several of my unmarried friends heard the comment, "your turn will come". While the thoughtfulness is appreciated, what baffled me was that I was rejoicing at this dear friend's wedding and gave very little thought to my solitary status. I can honestly say that I was basking in my sweet friend's happiness and was not sad or disappointed that it wasn't me getting married. If anything, such comments merely draw the unmarried person's thoughts into exactly the kind of doubting mindset that she is seeking prayerfully to avoid. Another comment that is often spoken is something to the effect of, "well, God give the desires of our hearts and if marriage is what you desire, then He will grant that eventually, you just have to trust Him". Again, well-meaning, but not rooted in any kind of careful theological study whatsoever. There are multitudes of people in Scripture who never got what they desired, but they got what God deemed best for their lives and what would bring Him the most honor and glory! The fact of the matter is...I do desire marriage and children. However, God is not obligated to grant me this desire at all and there is nothing in Scripture that says He will certainly accomplish that specific thing in my life. What is true and sure is that whatever state I am in, God is to be my source of life, happiness, comfort and rest always. He is my Husband, and this is what I was reflecting on during the wedding ceremony I attended this past weekend. God's name was made great in that worship service. He was exalted far above any marriage vows, and that is how it should be! As Christians, we need to be careful in making assumptions and even well-intentioned comments that are based not on Scriptural principles, but on what we think each other wants and deserves. None of us deserve anything. We don't even get a spouse because we deserve it. A husband is not something to be earned by righteous merit that somehow surpasses the norm. It is a precious gift from God, but just as much the companionship granted through sweet friendships and familial bonds within the Church are also precious gifts. While marriage is the biblical norm for most people and the God-ordained means of exemplifying Christ and the Church, it is not something that I am missing because I have somehow failed, and it is not something that I can will to happen by good behavior and faithful living.
So, during the holiday season, when we think that we might see others struggling with loneliness or difficult circumstances, instead of merely trying to speak words of relief, let's help one another embrace the path God has placed us on for this time. Invite one another to meals and activities, include each other in the fun holiday traditions that your families have. Consider the many widows, those who have been neglected by their own earthly families, the college student who can't afford to travel home, those who have no children of their own, or the one who has been painfully discarded by most. This is not written out of self-pity, or from a desire to be seen as such...but as someone who is "alone" and yet has been richly provided for with a warm room in my parent's home and many precious friends who do include me in their lives regularly, I know there are many who do not have such blessings. Let's find them...and seek to minister to them, not patronizing them but encouraging them to live out the calling God has placed on their lives, whatever that may be for this season.
As a single woman, there are so many common statements made by well-meaning friends who want to be an encouragement, however, often what is said is not really biblical or helpful. For instance, at a wedding this past weekend, I cannot count how many times myself and several of my unmarried friends heard the comment, "your turn will come". While the thoughtfulness is appreciated, what baffled me was that I was rejoicing at this dear friend's wedding and gave very little thought to my solitary status. I can honestly say that I was basking in my sweet friend's happiness and was not sad or disappointed that it wasn't me getting married. If anything, such comments merely draw the unmarried person's thoughts into exactly the kind of doubting mindset that she is seeking prayerfully to avoid. Another comment that is often spoken is something to the effect of, "well, God give the desires of our hearts and if marriage is what you desire, then He will grant that eventually, you just have to trust Him". Again, well-meaning, but not rooted in any kind of careful theological study whatsoever. There are multitudes of people in Scripture who never got what they desired, but they got what God deemed best for their lives and what would bring Him the most honor and glory! The fact of the matter is...I do desire marriage and children. However, God is not obligated to grant me this desire at all and there is nothing in Scripture that says He will certainly accomplish that specific thing in my life. What is true and sure is that whatever state I am in, God is to be my source of life, happiness, comfort and rest always. He is my Husband, and this is what I was reflecting on during the wedding ceremony I attended this past weekend. God's name was made great in that worship service. He was exalted far above any marriage vows, and that is how it should be! As Christians, we need to be careful in making assumptions and even well-intentioned comments that are based not on Scriptural principles, but on what we think each other wants and deserves. None of us deserve anything. We don't even get a spouse because we deserve it. A husband is not something to be earned by righteous merit that somehow surpasses the norm. It is a precious gift from God, but just as much the companionship granted through sweet friendships and familial bonds within the Church are also precious gifts. While marriage is the biblical norm for most people and the God-ordained means of exemplifying Christ and the Church, it is not something that I am missing because I have somehow failed, and it is not something that I can will to happen by good behavior and faithful living.
So, during the holiday season, when we think that we might see others struggling with loneliness or difficult circumstances, instead of merely trying to speak words of relief, let's help one another embrace the path God has placed us on for this time. Invite one another to meals and activities, include each other in the fun holiday traditions that your families have. Consider the many widows, those who have been neglected by their own earthly families, the college student who can't afford to travel home, those who have no children of their own, or the one who has been painfully discarded by most. This is not written out of self-pity, or from a desire to be seen as such...but as someone who is "alone" and yet has been richly provided for with a warm room in my parent's home and many precious friends who do include me in their lives regularly, I know there are many who do not have such blessings. Let's find them...and seek to minister to them, not patronizing them but encouraging them to live out the calling God has placed on their lives, whatever that may be for this season.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The only true and pure servant, Jesus Christ!
I am currently reading through the book, Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus by Nancy Guthrie. It is a compilation of many great writers including Charles Spurgeon, George Whitefield and John Piper. Each short chapter is a summary of a sermon or book previously recorded on the topic of Christmas. They are intended to be read as an advent book. I have been so encouraged by these chapters to ponder what is most valuable during this season of busyness and worldly distractions. One of the most impactful readings thus far was written by J.I. Packer entitled, "For Your Sakes He Became Poor". Instead of trying to bring my own disjointed thoughts to the table, I will let the Scripture passage and Packer's meditations speak for themselves here:
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you by His poverty might become rich (2 Corinthians 8:9).
"The New Testament does not encourage us to puzzle our heads over the physical and psychological problems that it raises, but to worship God for the love that was shown in it. For it was a great act of condescension and self-humbling. 'He, Who had always been God by nature,' writes Paul, 'did not cling to His prerogatives as God's equal, but stripped Himself of all privilege by consenting to be a slave by nature and being born as mortal man. And, having become man, He humbled Himself by living a life of utter obedience, even to the extent of dying, and the death He died was the death of a common criminal' (Phil. 2:6, Phillips translation). And all this was for our salvation.
For the Son of God to empty Himself and become poor meant a laying aside of glory; a voluntary restraint of power; an acceptance of hardship, isolation, ill-treatment, malice, and misunderstanding...It meant love to the uttermost for unlovely men, who 'through His poverty, might become rich'.
It is to our shame and disgrace today that so many Christians - I will be more specific: so many of the soundest and most orthodox Christians - go through this world in the spirit of the priest and the Levite in our Lord's parable, seeing human needs all around them, but (after a pious wish, and perhaps a prayer, that God might meet them) averting their eyes, and passing by on the other side. That is not the Christmas spirit. Nor is it the spirit of those Christians - alas, there are many - whose ambition in life seems limited to building a nice middle-class Christian home, and making nice middle-class Christian friends, and bringing up their children in nice middle-class Christian ways, and who leave the sub-middle-class sections of the community, Christian and non-Christian, to get on by themselves. The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor - spending and being spent - to enrich their fellow men, giving time, trouble, care, and concern, to do good to others - and not just their own friends - in whatever way there seems need. There are not as many who show this spirit as there should be. If God in mercy revives us, one of the things He will do will be to work more of this spirit in our hearts and lives. If we desire spiritual quickening for ourselves individually, one step we should take is to seek to cultivate this spirit. 'Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus'."
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free! Psalm 119:32
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you by His poverty might become rich (2 Corinthians 8:9).
"The New Testament does not encourage us to puzzle our heads over the physical and psychological problems that it raises, but to worship God for the love that was shown in it. For it was a great act of condescension and self-humbling. 'He, Who had always been God by nature,' writes Paul, 'did not cling to His prerogatives as God's equal, but stripped Himself of all privilege by consenting to be a slave by nature and being born as mortal man. And, having become man, He humbled Himself by living a life of utter obedience, even to the extent of dying, and the death He died was the death of a common criminal' (Phil. 2:6, Phillips translation). And all this was for our salvation.
For the Son of God to empty Himself and become poor meant a laying aside of glory; a voluntary restraint of power; an acceptance of hardship, isolation, ill-treatment, malice, and misunderstanding...It meant love to the uttermost for unlovely men, who 'through His poverty, might become rich'.
It is to our shame and disgrace today that so many Christians - I will be more specific: so many of the soundest and most orthodox Christians - go through this world in the spirit of the priest and the Levite in our Lord's parable, seeing human needs all around them, but (after a pious wish, and perhaps a prayer, that God might meet them) averting their eyes, and passing by on the other side. That is not the Christmas spirit. Nor is it the spirit of those Christians - alas, there are many - whose ambition in life seems limited to building a nice middle-class Christian home, and making nice middle-class Christian friends, and bringing up their children in nice middle-class Christian ways, and who leave the sub-middle-class sections of the community, Christian and non-Christian, to get on by themselves. The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor - spending and being spent - to enrich their fellow men, giving time, trouble, care, and concern, to do good to others - and not just their own friends - in whatever way there seems need. There are not as many who show this spirit as there should be. If God in mercy revives us, one of the things He will do will be to work more of this spirit in our hearts and lives. If we desire spiritual quickening for ourselves individually, one step we should take is to seek to cultivate this spirit. 'Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus'."
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free! Psalm 119:32
Monday, December 7, 2009
Half as hard and twice as good...
When I was in my teen years and early college, I was a terrible friend. I had so many ridiculous expectations for people and thought I was so great and wondered why they couldn't just be a good friend. I also, at times, did not choose my friends so wisely, which didn't help matters. Though I was a Christian at the time, I was a very immature and poorly taught one at best. My friends were typically chosen on the basis of how that person made me feel and the focus was always on whether they were treating me kindly or not. I burned a lot of bridges with people who I got frustrated with when they didn't treat me the way I thought I deserved to be treated.
Jump forward 10-15 years, and what a dramatic measure of grace God has granted in this area of my life. He has blessed abundantly with some very particularly precious friendships, ones that are centered on a mutual love for Christ and motivated by a desire to see each other become more like Him. Sometimes this means painful confrontation, and it definitely means that my friends bear with my many sinful weaknesses that can often be discouraging to them I am sure. It means there is a loyalty to love one another that I have never experienced before. It means taking seriously the admonishment that "it is a joy to overlook an offense" and yet also taking seriously the command to "speak truth in love" when there is a need for specific repentance and turning from sin. Praise God for His longsuffering as my dearest Friend, for He is the highest Friend and in Him there are no imperfections or impurities. Yet, even in the communion we are able to have in Him, which is all that is necessary, He still chooses to bring such earthly gifts of friendship to us.
"When I am down and need to cry till morning,
I know just where I am going.
When I'm in need of sweet commiseration
To speak out loud.
Raise a glass to friendship
And to knowing you don't have to go alone.
We'll raise out hearts to share each other's burdens
On this road.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
With my good news you're dancing on the table:
Baby's born, to celebration.
The joy of life, oh what a sweet communion,
Shared with you.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
I know we're growing older,
Can you imagine what that will bring?
It's all a mystery to me now,
Except this one thing:
It'll be half as hard, and twice as good.
- Sara Groves -
Jump forward 10-15 years, and what a dramatic measure of grace God has granted in this area of my life. He has blessed abundantly with some very particularly precious friendships, ones that are centered on a mutual love for Christ and motivated by a desire to see each other become more like Him. Sometimes this means painful confrontation, and it definitely means that my friends bear with my many sinful weaknesses that can often be discouraging to them I am sure. It means there is a loyalty to love one another that I have never experienced before. It means taking seriously the admonishment that "it is a joy to overlook an offense" and yet also taking seriously the command to "speak truth in love" when there is a need for specific repentance and turning from sin. Praise God for His longsuffering as my dearest Friend, for He is the highest Friend and in Him there are no imperfections or impurities. Yet, even in the communion we are able to have in Him, which is all that is necessary, He still chooses to bring such earthly gifts of friendship to us.
"When I am down and need to cry till morning,
I know just where I am going.
When I'm in need of sweet commiseration
To speak out loud.
Raise a glass to friendship
And to knowing you don't have to go alone.
We'll raise out hearts to share each other's burdens
On this road.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
With my good news you're dancing on the table:
Baby's born, to celebration.
The joy of life, oh what a sweet communion,
Shared with you.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
Every burden I have carried,
Every joy--it's understood.
Life with you is half as hard,
And twice as good.
I know we're growing older,
Can you imagine what that will bring?
It's all a mystery to me now,
Except this one thing:
It'll be half as hard, and twice as good.
- Sara Groves -
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Do not allow culture to define your personhood...
Yesterday, I read a very insightful post on the "Council of Biblical Manhood & Womanhood" site. Though it speaks of the effects of culture on womanhood, it is important to note how many areas of life we allow culture to inform and impact. There are many preachers nowadays who are adjusting their message to fit within the cultural atmosphere in which they serve. Knowing that is the case, this brings one to consider...where then, does it stop? If the culture guides preaching (instead of preaching guiding the culture), then it will necessarily follow that the culture will guide even Christians understanding of manhood and womanhood, motives in parenting, contentment and usefulness in the unmarried state, and on and on. Today we have Christians who believe homosexuality is acceptable, that depression and ADD are merely uncontrolled mental illnesses that must be medicated, that women HAVE to work outside the home in order to feel fulfilled and complete, that children should be able to decide for themselves how they desire to live. I am thankful for a pastor who is most assuredly not guided by the culture we live in, though sadly, many cannot say the same of their own pastor.
Here is a clip from the CBMW's post:
Some of us do not remember a time when it was considered “progressive” for a woman to work outside of the home. In the wake of the feminist revolution women in full-time careers are normative now. For many young girls to grow up and be “just like mom” means to go to college, pick a career path, and climb the ladder of success. One of the interesting aspects of Time Magazine’s cover story last month were the stories of women who had been profiled in the initial cover story in 1972. One was a career woman who stayed that way, one was a woman who was a farmer’s wife who went to work when her kids grew up, and one was a homemaker who was still at home after all these years.
Intrigued by their stories, I went back and read the original stories of the women profiled in 1972. One of the recurring things I noticed with the women who chose to stay home with their families back then was that they would say "it's just what you do." Many of the women believed the husband was the "dominant" one because that is just how it is. And to this day, some of them still would prefer the husband to be the dominant one in the relationship, but would like to embrace some of the more “freeing” aspects of feminism’s effects. In their generation the norm was June Cleaver. The homemaker who is always there to greet her husband, bakes fresh cookies for her boys, and never forgets to wear her pearls. That is just the way it was. It was embedded in the culture, and feminism was simply a fringe movement.
But when it hit the suburban housewife it changed everything. The problem with making a cultural model normative is that it holds no lasting weight. It’s only bearing is the fact that it is tradition that defines you, not an external authority. When the feminist movement of the seventies became culturally relevant to every woman, it allowed for a complete shift of ideology. When culture defines womanhood and the family, a cultural shift takes the norm with it. The shift leftward gave us the new normal. And this is where we are today.
As Christians we are not shaken by the cultural revolutions. We know that God defines our personhood and our gender. If he, who is unchanging, defines us, then no matter what the culture does, his Word will still stand true. So many of the women who stayed home in the 60’s and 70’s, became slowly dissatisfied with their lives because they never had a real framework for why they were home in the first place. It was just what they did. And when all of their kids left home, and they were left with their husbands, they were unhappy with their lives because everyone on the outside looked like they were having a lot more fun.
As Christian women we have a tremendous calling to teach the next generation of women that we are not women by accident. We do not define our own personhood and gender. God does. So many young girls today believe in a norm, just like the women in 1972. Only now this norm is thinking that you have to go to college and seek a career to be successful in this world. Many of them have no framework for desiring children and a husband. It’s just not what you do anymore, until you have established your own career. I often wonder what they will be thinking 25 years from now when they have the career, but no family and no children. It is a vicious cycle when God is not in the center.
We do a great disservice to our younger sisters in Christ when we teach them womanhood in the context of “it’s just what you do.” We are not creating a new cultural norm in the training of the next generation. We are passing down a legacy. We are passing down a history and a story that was written for us by a good God when he created Adam and Eve male and female (Gen. 1:27).
The hope for the American woman is not better pay, more career opportunities, perceived equality, or even a well-kept home and family. It is in Jesus Christ alone and in his plan for his people. We don’t believe in womanhood because we just think men should be the “dominant” ones. We believe in womanhood because God said that is what we are. And that is what we must be and teach.
Here is a clip from the CBMW's post:
Some of us do not remember a time when it was considered “progressive” for a woman to work outside of the home. In the wake of the feminist revolution women in full-time careers are normative now. For many young girls to grow up and be “just like mom” means to go to college, pick a career path, and climb the ladder of success. One of the interesting aspects of Time Magazine’s cover story last month were the stories of women who had been profiled in the initial cover story in 1972. One was a career woman who stayed that way, one was a woman who was a farmer’s wife who went to work when her kids grew up, and one was a homemaker who was still at home after all these years.
Intrigued by their stories, I went back and read the original stories of the women profiled in 1972. One of the recurring things I noticed with the women who chose to stay home with their families back then was that they would say "it's just what you do." Many of the women believed the husband was the "dominant" one because that is just how it is. And to this day, some of them still would prefer the husband to be the dominant one in the relationship, but would like to embrace some of the more “freeing” aspects of feminism’s effects. In their generation the norm was June Cleaver. The homemaker who is always there to greet her husband, bakes fresh cookies for her boys, and never forgets to wear her pearls. That is just the way it was. It was embedded in the culture, and feminism was simply a fringe movement.
But when it hit the suburban housewife it changed everything. The problem with making a cultural model normative is that it holds no lasting weight. It’s only bearing is the fact that it is tradition that defines you, not an external authority. When the feminist movement of the seventies became culturally relevant to every woman, it allowed for a complete shift of ideology. When culture defines womanhood and the family, a cultural shift takes the norm with it. The shift leftward gave us the new normal. And this is where we are today.
As Christians we are not shaken by the cultural revolutions. We know that God defines our personhood and our gender. If he, who is unchanging, defines us, then no matter what the culture does, his Word will still stand true. So many of the women who stayed home in the 60’s and 70’s, became slowly dissatisfied with their lives because they never had a real framework for why they were home in the first place. It was just what they did. And when all of their kids left home, and they were left with their husbands, they were unhappy with their lives because everyone on the outside looked like they were having a lot more fun.
As Christian women we have a tremendous calling to teach the next generation of women that we are not women by accident. We do not define our own personhood and gender. God does. So many young girls today believe in a norm, just like the women in 1972. Only now this norm is thinking that you have to go to college and seek a career to be successful in this world. Many of them have no framework for desiring children and a husband. It’s just not what you do anymore, until you have established your own career. I often wonder what they will be thinking 25 years from now when they have the career, but no family and no children. It is a vicious cycle when God is not in the center.
We do a great disservice to our younger sisters in Christ when we teach them womanhood in the context of “it’s just what you do.” We are not creating a new cultural norm in the training of the next generation. We are passing down a legacy. We are passing down a history and a story that was written for us by a good God when he created Adam and Eve male and female (Gen. 1:27).
The hope for the American woman is not better pay, more career opportunities, perceived equality, or even a well-kept home and family. It is in Jesus Christ alone and in his plan for his people. We don’t believe in womanhood because we just think men should be the “dominant” ones. We believe in womanhood because God said that is what we are. And that is what we must be and teach.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)