Missing

I know my blog has been silent for over a month now. I honestly don't care to share much about why, other than to say that I have been sidetracked with many things, and also contemplating much about my desires for writing. I love writing. I have for many years. I think I have known for a long time that it was a natural inclination that allows me to work through my thoughts, emotions and especially analyzing biblical truths. I often write my prayers. And I greatly enjoy writing letters to others. But in recent months I have been writing a lot for graduate school, and in the midst of that, reading a plethora of books for various assignments. I have been challenged to consider what it is that makes someone a "voice" on a subject. Since we are all sinners, and will most certainly never have a perfect interpretation or viewpoint on everything, then what makes it OK to "publicize" those thoughts at all? Everyone is an expert nowadays. We all think our opinion is right. I don't want to be perceived in such a way, and I certainly don't want to allow myself to become prideful either. Yet, I am reminded of the many great writers who I have so benefited from over the years...encouraging words from Elisabeth Elliott, Susan Hunt, Elizabeth Prentiss - just to name a few. I am thankful someone saw fit to share their work with others. So as I consider these things, and prayerfully contemplate my pursuits, it may be silent here for a time. I don't know what the future holds, or what my intentions are about writing. So I wait for clear direction from the Lord, and until it's clear, I am just not comfortable writing something for the sake of filling the page.

Satisfaction

We often tend to think that the cross is all about our salvation and about acquiring heaven. And it is, but it is even more about being transformed and restored to the image of God (which is how we were created) day by day. The “new man” Paul speaks of putting on in his letters is Christ – Christ is the new man! We are putting on Christ every day. We know the two greatest commandments are to love God and love others. That should be your priority at all times. And when you evaluate your life and how you are progressing, it should be in regards to those two commands. In causing you to be dissatisfied with some of what you see when you examine your life, God is giving you an opportunity to find your complete satisfaction in Him. When you wish that you could be more diligent or have more time to minister to various friends and to teach specific things to your children – He is showing you that it is only in Christ that you can minister effectively at all. Take heart, you are ministering when you simply love others, even if you can’t give them all the particular time or attention that you would like. These are opportunities for us both to be saturated in the Word, because that is truly the only comfort we can give to others. Reason with your friends and your children from the Word. May it be on the tip of our tongue in every conversation we have with these dear ones.

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith – that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3:8-11

Jesus had truly become the Satisfier of Paul’s soul. Embrace Him as your Satisfier – teach your friends and your children to find Him most satisfying! All men will sacrifice most willingly for that which they find most satisfying. Ask your friends, ask your children – what are you zealous for? What do you value most? What are you living for? (and don’t let people get away with the cliché response of “for God’s glory”) Get practical, especially with your kids. For instance, you could ask if they are finding more value in their friends or a certain toy than in Christ. Obviously as lost souls right now, they can’t find Him most satisfying. But by pointing those things out to them, Lord-willing they will begin to see that nothing else can satisfy them permanently, and so they will cry out in need of a Savior. We are so well taught with doctrine that we can recite these answers flippantly without dealing with our hearts. Asking ourselves these questions is how you and I can see our own sin more clearly and flee from it. And we aren’t just fleeing from it; we are fleeing to Christ, the Satisfier!

Identity

I am a Christian - my identity is in Christ, and a woman - created as such by God, specifically intended to fulfill my role as such, and lastly, a single. My marital status has very little to do with my identity, just as it does for a married woman, a widowed woman, a divorced woman, a single mother. One’s identity is whether or not they are in Christ, and then they live out that Christ-focused identity either as a man or a woman – because being such demands that life be lived a particular way. I live my life in the light of Christ in a manner that is unique from that of a Christian man. However, my marital status does not impact the fact that I am in Christ or the fact that I am a woman. Those two things do not fluctuate with time or circumstance. A woman is always a woman, no matter what situations arise in her life and no matter what her perspective is on them – she never ceases being a woman. And once in Christ, she never stops being in Christ – there is no possibility of her salvation being rescinded. It is guaranteed once it has been granted.

The Love of Friendship

I have been reading (off and on) C.S. Lewis' book, The Four Loves. In it, he says:
"For a Christian, there are no chances. A secret Master has been at
work. Christ, who said to the disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I
have chosen you,' can truly say to every group of Christian friends,
'You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one
another'. Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good
taste in finding one another. It is the instrument by which God
reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are, like all
beauties, derived from Him, and then - in a good friendship -
increased by Him through the friendship itself, so that it is His
instrument for creating as well as revealing. At this feast it is He
who has spread the board and it is He who has chosen the guests. Let
us not reckon without our Host."

Personal Testimony

I was recently asked to share a personal testimony on the other blog for which I write (http://livingascalled.blogspot.com/ - the blog for the singles ministry at Riverbend Community Church). With my recent posts here on having a troubled mind and how our sins are often initiated by dark and distressing thoughts, I wanted to share here how God has granted me understanding of this in my own life:

I grew up in a home where I was taught much about God, Jesus and His death on the cross and the work of the Church. I had very caring grandparents who instilled much of God’s Word into my life. My parents were committed to a local church and sent me to a good Christian school. After seeing my sister be saved and hearing her admonishments to me to seek God for repentance, I began to understand my sin in a personal way. As my parents and teachers pointed me to God’s Word, I came to know of God’s provision of sacrifice in His Son. It was then that I confessed my sin and prayed for Christ to be my Savior.

Looking back on my junior high and high school years, I see the fruits of my salvation, both in the actions I had, as well as the desires and motivations of my heart. However, my understanding of God’s authority and sovereignty was very limited. I did not attend a church like the one I attend now. The Christian school I attended was very casual in terms of theology, and focused more on the rigidities of the Law, mostly by having many rules and expectations that were required of students, but lacking the foundation of Christ as the motivation for obedience. I did not understand the character of God or the deep mysteries of His Word.

When I look back on these years of growing up, I see God’s faithfulness in growing me through the limited understanding I had of His Word, as well as through the means of the Christian people around me who encouraged me in my faith. I see now that one of my greatest temptations was failing to maintain a mind that was self-controlled and set upon Christ. My emotions were easily swayed by the circumstances around me, and I know now that this can probably be attributed to a weak understanding of God’s providence and sovereignty over all things. I would cling to Him and His Word in difficult days, but this was always coupled with discouraging thoughts and accusations against God for allowing such trials. In essence, I was conflicted by the emotional fluctuations of a sinful heart.

When I graduated high school, in my immature faith, I chose to follow the ways of this world for a season. I rebelled against most of what I had been taught. It began “innocently,” with a rekindled childhood friendship. I began to spend more and more time with worldly friends. I soon even pursued a dating relationship with a young man who was not a believer. This man had absolutely no interest in things of the Lord, but yet praised me for my “good” behavior. During this time, I slowly began to move away from the church, oftentimes lied to my parents, and further distanced myself from the ways of righteousness I had once engaged in.

There is one distinct thing I remember about this wayward season of my youth: my conscience was deeply troubled. When I would come home from being out with my friends, and after sneaking quietly up to my room, my thoughts were tormented by the knowledge of how I was disobeying all that I knew to be true about God and His Word. I was miserable and filled with guilt. In God’s gracious mercy, He soon caused this young man to break off our relationship – abruptly and painfully. I was devastated! I spent weeks grieving this loss and even sought out ways to win him back. My entire world had become defined by this relationship.

But in God’s sweet providence, He had orchestrated this event as a turning point. He only allows His children to go so far in their sin, and thankfully, He did not leave me to myself. He rescued me from my sin and restored me unto Himself. He left me with nowhere to turn but back to Him. I started attending a new church in the area where I was introduced to God’s sovereignty, the teachings of Calvinism, and began to hear theological teaching like I had never been exposed to before. These truths brought great comfort and assurance to my mind and heart.

A couple of years later, the Lord moved my family to Florida very unexpectedly to care for my dying grandfather. This was one of the most pivotal events of my life and has come to be remembered as one of the most precious. It is here where God has taught me what it means to be a Biblical woman. Through the means of Riverbend Community Church, I have learned (and am definitely still learning!) what God’s Word has to say about authority and submission, manhood and womanhood, service in the church, practicing the “one another’s” of the Bible, pursuing Biblically-informed emotions, discipling and mentoring younger believers, caring for the weak, coming to love and value the call to singleness (for however long that may be) and gaining a scripturally sound view of my own sinfulness.

It is here that I have learned to study my heart – to recognize the evil and deceitful machinations that are always at work in it. It has brought many days of discouragement, frustration, sorrow, and confusion. But most importantly, it has brought days of gratitude – for it is God’s proven faithfulness to restore me in the midst of revealed sin and the consequent repentance that comes with it. I have learned things I never would have learned had I stayed in the places I once was.

One of my greatest sinful tendencies is to be controlled and even paralyzed by what others think of me, to the point that my imagination runs uncontrolled. These sinful emotional struggles have been revealed and refined (and continue to be) by the means of the leadership and friendships God has blessed me with throughout my years at Riverbend. It has been God’s particular goodness and mercy upon my life to bring me here for this season. I have done nothing to earn this goodness, and I am amazed by His abundant provisions. My life’s ambition is to please God, and I want to do this by learning how to live out His Word.

“…Set the believers an example if speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching…Practice these things, immerse yourself I them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by doing so you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (I Timothy 4:6-16)

A Troubled Mind (continued)...

In my previous post, I shared some helpful words from Timothy Rogers (from his book, Trouble of Mind and the Disease of Melancholy). He has much to say regarding the purposes and designs of our great God in afflicting us. And when we speak of affliction, it is not merely physical ailments or even weighty life circumstances. We actually should think of the deep and sometimes tormenting afflictions of the soul, whether as a result of sin, or a predatory influence of the enemy on our inner man. Whatever the cause of our affliction, God's purposes and intended outcomes are what we should be looking toward, instead of our own personal reprieve and temporary comfort. By turning to HIm in all things, we will be comforted and sustained, even if our afflictions are not removed or lightened in severity.

So, let's look again at the divine purposes that build on the four mentioned a few days ago:

5. Another end that God may have in the continuance of long and sore affliction, and great inward troubles, is to reveal more clearly to us the corruption and defilement of our nature. In a calm, the waters of the sea appear to be clear enough; but when the storm comes, it throws up the mire and the dirt. In prosperity and health, we think we have very good hearts and considerable degrees of sanctification; but when sin is set upon us, the spiritual law of God begins to show its purity. And oh, what multitudes of iniquities then appear! What unbelief, what impatience, what murmuring, what unbecoming thoughts of God, such hideous and strange thoughts we have as we have never had before! And oh, what a ghastly sight this is, to see such a numerous brood of transgressions, when we imagined that all had been very well with us!

6. Another end that God has in the continuance of spiritual troubles and afflictions, and the sense of His wrath long upon us, is that from our experience Christ may be forever precious to us. When we are at ease and think ourselves whole, we seldom think of Him. But our pain, our smart, our guilt and our fears, the sight of our present danger and of approaching wrath, all cause us to run to this Physician and beg His help when we are sinking. They will make us stretch out our hands and say, 'Master, save us or else we perish!' Having fallen among lions, having been the slaves of fear and having been held in captivity by the temptations of Satan, we shall most gladly shake off our chains and embrace liberty and salvation when our Lord comes to set us free. Oh, how our hearts will melt with love when we remember that, as we have been distressed for our sins against Him, so He was in greater agonies for us! Surely, such a Friend, such a Physician, as He has been to us, we must be ever valued.

7. God also does this so that we may put a high value on the Scriptures, that we may search and look into them with more earnestness and frequency, to see if there are any promises in them that are reviving, and place in them that may afford hope and comfort to souls so miserable and so guilty. For when our consciences are awakened and pierced with the sense of wrath from God, if His Word would speak to us, we could have ease.

8. Another end of God in continuing afflictions and a long, remaining sense of His wrath upon us is that we may be everlasting admirers of the freeness of His grace when we are delivered. Oh, with what wonder should we behold His condescension and His care for us, that when our wounds were very deep, He poured in wine and oil; when we were inwardly bleeding, and no creature or friend on earth could help us, He did not allow us to bleed to death. The hand of God is so strong, and His wisdom is so admirable, that He turns to our profit and advantage not only the evils which are caused by cross events, or by the world, but those which we commit ourselves, and that seem contrary to our salvation, even those sins which we are guilty of. He changes these poisons into medicine, these scandals into edification, and from the thickest darkness He brings out light.

9. Another end why God suffers His servants so long to remain under the impressions of His wrath is that they may learn to be merciful and helpful to such as are in the same case, and to such as are sinning, and have not yet felt the displeasure of God for their sins. We must not grieve others by a sharp or unseasobale discourse; when they are in the furnace, we must not make it hotter by imprudent bitterness. They are wounded in their souls, and those wounds require a gentle, skillful, and tender hand. Every one of us should say, 'They are troubled on every side, and so was I. They are afraid that He has departed, and so was I. Those arrows of the Almighty that stick in them only a little while ago stuck in me. When others have fallen into the same pit that we have just gotten out of, let us strive to draw them up. Let us put on the bowels of compassion; let us patiently hear what they say, and not rebuke them for complaining; let us not be weary of their discourse because it is doleful and troublesome. Let us remember all that speech and usage that made us worse when we were ill and avoid all such with them. Let us remember what it was that gave us some support, and let us minister the same to them.

When any of our friends are very sick, if we know anything that has been beneficial to us under the like case, we make all the speed we can to fetch it, and we cannot see them faint without finding at the same time a very sensible commotion in our own hearts. No outward affliction, though never so painful, is as terrible as these spiritual troubles are. Let us therefore be more affectionately concerned for such distressed persons than for any others when we see the anger of God beginning to kindle in their consciences. Let us use all the methods that are most likely to quench the beginning flame, let us be very kind and pitiful to all who are in distress, since we have been so ourselves. Let us take all opportunities to visit, to exhort, and to direct them. Let us wrestle with the God of Jacob on their behalf; let them see that we sympathize most heartily with them, and that, though the grace of God has wiped away our tears, we can still weep with those who weep. Let us take all the ways we can to make them believe that we are afflicted with their affliction and are sincerely concerned for the sadness of their case.

Oh, how I have personally benefited from the ministry of a dear friend when going through similar afflictions of soul! Be encouraged, my friends, and let us all use such careful means with one another, that we may persevere together!

A Troubled Mind...

In recent months I have spoken to or heard of so many who are experiencing difficulties and troubles in their walk on this earth. Life is hard. And sometimes we forget that God has not promised an easy and painless road. In fact, when we thoroughly examine the Scriptures, we find that those who are faithful often experience the most challenging circumstances this life can bring. Even just in recent days, as I was talking with a dear friend, we were discussing how we are sometimes fearful to admit just how dark our minds are in the midst of trouble. We think that by honestly admitting our struggles, we will somehow offend another because maybe they have experience far worse. We think, "I can't possibly confess to having bouts of joylessness or cloudy thoughts because others have lost a child or experienced the death of a lifetime spouse. Who am I to compare my circumstances?" The danger in this type of thinking is that it denies the power of our own depravity. Being sinful people who live in a world that is consumed by sin and its all-encompassing effects, we cannot deny that Satan would love nothing more than to pull us into utter misery, bringing us to a point where we choose to merely go through the motions and remain paralyzed by despair.

Typically when we meet the darkest of days in heart and mind, we are often quick to think as Job's friends did and begin accusing ourselves, thinking there must be some form of twisted punishment for unrepented sins. And while we must attend to self-examination and be certain to resolve any identifiable sins - as well as imploring God to reveal unknown sins from the depths of our hearts - we must also receive these inner turmoils of spirit as a further proof of the Savior's love for us in bringing about greater sanctification.

During such dark moments, particularly if they persist for many days, weeks and months - even years, we are eager to be consoled by the soothing comforts of a friend or loved one, even a pastor or spiritual mentor. We go searching for their assuring presence, and yet oftentimes are disappointed. While God has provided such relationships within the covenant community, it is tempting to be unrealistic in our expectations. When we are disappointed by mortals, we forget our own tendency to disappoint. We become so consumed with how we are "feeling" and how we are not being tended to, that we overlook our own selfish inclinations. We think much too highly of ourselves and so very little of others. We want mercy poured out upon us, and yet refuse to extend it to others.

I have been reading a book by Timothy Rogers (late 1600's), entitled Trouble of Mind and the Disease of Melancholy. He has brought so much clarity to my own understanding of this topic, and so instead of wasting my words trying to come up with some fresh angle, I think it would be most helpful to simply share some of my favorite passages from my readings:

Who can tell the very cause why God allows one religious man to be in affliction for several years, while another, who is perhaps no better than he, scarcely knows what affliction means? One shall be crossed and disappointed in all that he goes about; he meets with losses in his estate and in his family, and his health is damaged, while another prospers, is well, and dies an easy death. In what a smooth path do some good people go to heaven, while others are torn with thorns and briars, and go mourning and weeping all the way! Who dares to presume to say why this is so, and not otherwise?

When we say that God does this or that for such and such a reason, we must do it with great humility, and only so far as the Scripture is our guide. And from that we may learn that God suffers His people to be under the apprehensions of His wrath, and under long afflictions, for such ends as these:

1. It is certainly good for the universe, for God does nothing in vain. And when any part suffers, it is for the good of the whole.

2. He does this so that others may be convinced by their very senses what a dreadful God He is, and how terrible a thing it is to sin. Sometimes, in the extraordinary joys which His love produces in the hearts of His people, He shows heaven upon earth; and sometimes, in the fears, amazements, and terrors of awakened consciences, He shows hell upon earth - and both are designed for the good of others by His wise and holy providence.

3. God does it to keep us from carnal security all our lives. This will make us humble and walk softly all our days, remembering that we are not, every hour, any more than what God makes us to be. If He ever left us for but one poor moment, where would we be?

4. God does this to convince us of His own all-sufficiency, and the nothingness of ourselves and of all other creatures. In our prosperity, we are apt to think that this or that creature, this or that person, will yield us relief; but in spiritual troubles God shows us that all men, even the best of men, are vanity, and those from whom we expect the greatest help do us the least good. Nay, those watchmen of whose skill and kindness we have the greatest opinion are frequently allowed to smite us by their imprudent or harsh speeches and censures, so that we may not look to those cisterns which we find to be broken ones, but to that heaven whence all consolation flows. When we go to created things with the most raised expectations, we meet with the most unlooked-for disappointments. And indeed, while we look only to them, we are like people who go begging to the doors of the poor. Our fellow creatures have nothing but what they receive; unless God helps us, they cannot help either. Unless the wind blows, neither all the skill of the pilot nor all the industry of the mariner can make the ship sail forward to the port. We think that if our friend was sick, we would hasten to his help and immediately relieve him; but our best Friend stays a long while before He delivers us, not from any pleasure that He takes in our sorrows, but that He may render His power and His wisdom more illustrious. He wants us to see that all other things are inconsiderable, but that He is all-sufficient.

There are several more purposes that I will post here in the next couple of days as I continue to contemplate God's ever-present hand of providence flowing in the lives of His people. May we ponder such truths that are offered from the greatest depths of His treasures. It is in His life-giving words that we can find peace...and only there! Praise Him for His faithfulness in using mere men to reveal such things to our stubborn hearts!

"Master save us, lest we perish!" (Matthew 8)

Friend...

Recent weeks and months have brought a new appreciation and gratitude in my heart for the dear friendships God has so graciously blessed me with. There are more blessings than I can even number here that have come as a direct result of the loving investment some of my closest friends have made in my life. I was reminded again of this treasure, when reading this blog today:

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/

Check it out and consider...what kind of friend are you? And what kind of friendships are you busy cultivating?

It never ends...

The problem of immodesty, impurity, indiscretion, and seduction seems to never go away...but of particular concern is that it doesn't even seem restrained within the Church. We hear sermons, read devotionals, study Scripture ourselves - and yet the problem remains ever-present. I just returned from a youth camp last week, at which we had the privilege of being taught very clearly about the scriptural basis for biblical manhood and womanhood - both in relation to masculinity and femininity, as well as the area of dating (or whatever you might like to call it). It seems to be a topic that is revisited over and over, to the point that we hear young people letting out sighs of complaint when it comes up once again.

We must take note that unfortunately the problem is often exacerbated by uninvolved/unconcerned - or at best - biblically ignorant, parents. Whenever the issue arises, there are always remarks made like, "My parents never tell me I can't wear this!" or from older women, "Well my husband doesn't seem to mind" and "You're just being legalistic!"

Now, on the one hand, there must be balance. There is certainly not more piety in a woman simply because she wears a dress that covers all the way down to her ankles and reveals no traces of makeup or hair product. This woman may oftentimes have just as much sinful preoccupation with her physical appearance as the woman wearing tight shorts that look no better than an undergarment. It might be that she is sinfully prideful in being more conservative. So we must be cautious when making such judgments.

But here's the main thing. When discussing modesty or demeanor, we tend to always lean on the argument that Scripture is not clear and so we can't really judge one another in these matters. However, if we don't do any wise and helpful judging, then how will anyone ever know what modesty/purity/discretion really is? Areas that are "gray" in the Bible demand that we apply biblical principles to make wise decisions that will only build up the body of Christ. And I fear that this is where we as the Church are failing miserably.

When your question about your clothing is more geared toward how far can you go without being immodest, rather than - how modest can you be - then there is the problem! If you have to ask your mother or an older Christian woman, "Is this OK?" then it's likely that you already know the answer. Unfortunately, many fathers and mothers are not thinking clearly in this area. Oftentimes, they view it as "innocent" or "cute", which in effect, provokes the problem.

The same goes for behavior. If your demeanor is such that you are perceived as the girl everyone is always chasing after, and your smiles, gestures and eye movements are altered when you are around certain men, then you already know that you are showing favoritism, flirtation and even seductiveness. These mannerisms are not seen in Scripture in any way, other than the descriptions of those who are united as husband and wife. The same application can be made for men, but as a woman, my role is to speak to my own gender.

This may sound like a rant. And it does seem to occupy my thoughts often. But the Bible speaks repeatedly on the discreet and submissive and lovely adornments of a godly woman. So it must be an issue that every woman carefully considers repeatedly. Tendencies toward immodesty, flirtatious behavior and seductive language reveal a heart that is filled with vanity. The attention is on self. It is not on the other person, or on the body of Christ. When a man or woman is constantly seeking the attention of the opposite sex in a way that has not been affirmed or cannot be righteously fulfilled in marriage, then the sin of self has taken control of his or her thoughts, motives and agenda.

Paying exclusive attention to the opposite sex without securing a commitment of hearts through the means of parental and pastoral permission, whether by way of immodest dress, behavior or speech (this can be through flirting, incessant texting/messaging, emotional fantasizing), is telling your brothers and sisters in Christ that you do not value the Christ-bearing image of each one's creation design. You are placing your self-interest above that of your Christian family - not to mention sending a clear message to the world that you see no reason to pursue femininity/masculinity and relationships in a way that is radically different than theirs.

"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:4

It's been a while...

Recent weeks have been filled with so many things that have taken me from my normal desire and ability to write. As I contemplate some thoughts and prepare to post something more substantial, here is a brief item to consider:

http://www.pcpc.org/ministries/singles/singledout.php

Paige Benton Brown gives some very helpful insight on singleness and I appreciate how she makes a point to "correct" some of the unintentional, albeit frustrating viewpoints that often permeate the Church.

Lord-willing, you will hear something more original from me shortly!

Busy, busy, busy...

These recent weeks have brought about new demands on my time, as well as some important opportunities with family I don't see frequently. With that in mind, anyone who happens to read this will have to simply accept the summer rerun I am going to share for this week. These are some thoughts from previous writing I did for a lesson I was teaching in a young women's small group at church. The notes are taken primarily from John MacArthur's book, Divine Design, a wonderful explanation of biblical manhood and womanhood that every Christian should take the time to read.

The most unfortunate result of the modern corrupted view of creation design is that we tend to fall on one extreme or another in evaluating what makes a woman a truly biblically feminine woman. Let’s contrast these two extremes:

- feminine aggression vs. helplessness, laziness: While we do want to portray discretion, modesty and gentleness, this does not mean that we simply sit around and do nothing thinking that a man must guide our every move. A truly biblical man will be looking for a young woman who is actively disciplining herself in grace, one who has her mind set on things above, and takes necessary action to see the tasks completed. She is busy with the work of the Lord, carrying out projects and fulfilling tasks, always keeping in mind her helper design - whether married or single.

- corporate career planning vs. no plans at all, no pursuit of education: We should not be like the world, eager to take power of companies and rule the office with a shrewd authority. But we also should not simply fall upon our desire for marriage and children as a reason to pursue nothing at all. Biblical womanhood is not simply becoming a wife and mother; anyone can do that! It is becoming a virtuous wife, a pure spouse, a devoted and Bible-saturated mother whose primary objective is the salvation and sanctification of her family and those in her sphere of influence. By pursuing nothing with your education or employment, you are not living out the wonderful opportunities God has graciously granted you. There are things to consider even if marriage is in your future: what if your husband dies? What if he becomes injured on the job? What if there is a severe recession and your husband asks you to go back to work for a time? There are women in our own church right now who are in such a situation. What if you want to homeschool your children? The Proverbs 31 woman most definitely was wise and educated in some fashion. We are told that she considered a field and bought it. She must have had some type of intellectual wisdom in order to carry out such a task. Whether that means pursuing a collegiate education or not is something each individual must consider in light of their authorities, their means, and the revealed will of God. But it is quite clear that a biblical woman carefully uses the mind that God has given her.

- masculine traits in speech: The worldly woman speaks with power, arrogance, brutality, bossiness and calls it being assertive and concise vs. saying nothing at all - thinking that quietness means complete silence, failing to even speak up for truth or to combat error, confronting someone in love who is gossiping or slandering.

A biblical woman is known by her feminine demeanor. She is characterized by gentle words, a soothing and nurturing presence, gracious submissiveness, warm hospitality, loving affection, wise and carefully chosen counsel when called upon...these things are not a happenstance, but a significant and beautiful display of God's intricate plan in creating man, man and woman, woman.

The Cross

Recent days have revealed that I have often allowed so many other things to eclipse the centrality of the cross of Christ in my heart and life. Good things. Things that are often found to be virtuous and pure in Scripture. Things that bring me joy. Things that can be an encouragement to others. And yet...my own soul has often drifted further and further from Christ. When I think upon the cross and what was accomplished there, it doesn't always hit me as it should. I have become busy with life and ministry and good deeds. In seeking to better understand how I have done this and how I can pursue a restored fellowship with my Savior, I have been reading C.J. Mahaney's little book, The Cross Centered Life. In it, he says, "The cross was the centerpiece of Paul's theology. It wasn't merely one of Paul's messages; it was the message. He taught about other things as well, but whatever he taught was always derived from, and related to, the foundational reality that Jesus Christ died so that sinners would be reconciled to God and forgiven by God." He goes on in the first chapter to give a little test to determine whether we are cross centered:

"The symptoms that arise from not being cross centered are easy to spot. Do any of these describe you?
- You often lack joy.
- You're not consistently growing in spiritual maturity.
- Your love for God lacks passion.
- You're always looking for some new technique, some 'new truth' or new experience that will pull all the pieces of your faith together.

If you can relate to any of these symptoms, let me encourage you to keep reading. As you learn to live a cross centered life, you'll learn:
- How to break free from joy-robbing, legalistic thinking and living.
- How to leave behind the crippling effects of guilt and condemnation.
- How to stop basing your faith on your emotions and circumstances.
- How to grow in gratefulness, joy and holiness."

Does this not accurately describe each of us, believers, as we get caught up in the hum-drum superficial demands of this society? We become enslaved to our schedule, busy with "ministry", anxious about earthly matters - all of which deny the power of the cross. I am looking forward to the rest of this little book. I am thankful for even these very hard providences that drive me to self-examination and prayerfully will result in restored joy in the precious Redeemer who has brought my life out of the pit and set my feet upon solid ground! May it be for His glory!

Changing

Changing is something that is seemingly impossible at times. Scripture tells us that with God all things are possible, and yet, when we see characteristics of our personality or temperament that have sinful manifestations, we are often discouraged by the "inability" to change. I say inability carefully because on the one hand, we know that is false. With God, in Christ Jesus' righteousness and the power of the Spirit, we know that we can change. But in the flesh, we truly are unable. And very often, it seems that our flesh wins. We spend hours contemplating the changes we want to make, we even seek counsel and pray thoughtfully toward that end, and yet change remains elusive. We read Bible passages that relate directly to our specific sin struggles, memorize them, hang them on bathroom mirrors or put them on a card and tape it to our dashboard. But nothing seems to change. Then we begin to wonder if there's any point to trying because it never seems to come together. Then there is the even greater condemnation that creeps into our thinking as we start to consider the ramifications of not changing. If we are not changing, then what have we been missing? My pastor has said, "If we have not changed, then we have not learned". There couldn't be a much more glaringly obvious conviction than that. When we continue to struggle with the same sins over and over, then it is evidence that we have not truly learned. Something is unresolved. This is a dangerous place to be, and yet the safest place to be in the sense that we have become aware of it. Ignorance is a quick way to hell. But when we become aware that there is habitual sin in our lives, then we are more inclined to address it. In fact, the genuine believer will be most tormented by the sin he sees in his life. We can take heart in knowing that the conscience God has formed within us is doing its work of conviction, which will hopefully lead to sincere repentance and a desire to flee from that sin and fly to the cross. Oftentimes when we struggle with the same sins over and over, it is because we have tried to conquer it in our flesh, instead of seeking the blood-bought power of Christ within us as our means of true sanctification. May we learn, and therefore, be changed.

I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...

These are the words to one of my favorite songs. And tonight they are a most needful reminder to me of where I do need to go with all the burdens I cannot bear. Because they really do feel unbearable at times. Like last night. My mind was a frenzied whirlwind, utterly unfixed upon the promises of God. Though I prayed a little here and there amidst such thoughts and "tried" to set my mind and heart on things above, instead of the things here on earth...I certainly did not try very hard. I was quick to give up and give in. Oh, how I long to learn to discipline my thoughts and emotions. It feels like a constant roller coaster of reigning them in, bringing them captive to Christ, and then just as quickly experiencing the abrupt effects of the "drop" - it really is like a roller coaster (which by the way, I think of as one of the most dreadful things to experience in life, which is why the analogy will probably seem totally ridiculous to many who love the thrill of such contraptions!).

The point is, like a roller coaster, I am on this "high" where my mind is stayed upon Christ, and then without any warning, it all falls out from underneath me and my mind is consumed by worries about temporal matters. I heard a tremendous sermon by a wise young man the other night, and he described this outrageously beautiful picture of Christ, in which he said that nothing else matters but Christ - yet, within hours after hearing it, I sinfully chose to forgo my thoughts of Christ and began to become overwhelmed thinking about all my responsibilities, how I will find time for all that I must do in the next couple of months, how I miss spending precious times of fellowship with friends because we are all too busy or live so far from one another, how I feel like I do so many things but do nothing well because I am barely holding it all together, wondering what the future holds, contemplating if it's time to move on from some things and pursue something different, wishing I could be a mother, being frustrated that I struggle with the same sins over and over...clearly, allowing my thoughts to go wildly uncontrolled. This led to a sleepless night, one in which I awoke several times, laying awake for hours, only to get up this morning feeling exhausted and disappointed in myself.

In all these things, God is most gracious, is He not? I made it through the day, I didn't have any emotional distress, and I was able to accomplish more than I thought I would when I first awoke to such defeated thoughts. His mercies truly are new every morning, and are just enough to be measured for each day - even moment by moment. He is so good to me! How I love Him! I love that even though I still don't feel like many issues were resolved, there are many remaining frustrations and disappointments - both in myself and in others - I am grateful to be reminded that those feelings hold no significance in the light of God's plans and purposes for my life. My feelings are ever-deceiving and always seeking to promote myself. When I become jealous that there seems to be little opportunity for me to rest or enjoy some frivolities of this life, I can be certain there is no truth in those feelings. When I get discouraged by the way I think others treat me, or by the sin I see in their own lives, I can rest assured there is no validity to it. My flesh has trained me to interpret things as being deserved or undeserved. I have exalted myself and my feelings. I love that God, in Christ Jesus, has already covered all these ridiculously sinful notions in His forgiving grace. I love that even though I don't remember these things oftentimes, He remembers for me. And He is merciful to keep me from sinning worse than I do, because left to myself, I am sure these feelings and contemplations could lead to horrific actions and attitudes that would ruin my testimony and certainly be a discouragement to others. He truly covers my sin and my shame.

Back to the song. "Since you brought dead ones to life...I know You can do that with mine...so I come to You with my broken heart in my hands. I come to You with an anxious and troubled mind...Just like You did to the sea...I know that You will bring peace. I ask, I seek, and knock...that the door will be opened. I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...Your yoke is easy so I, can trade them for one that is light. So I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear. I come to You with a life that I do not own. The door to Your kingdom is great, and You gave Your own life away...that the door will be opened."

Lord, teach me to come to You with the burdens I cannot bear, to cast them at the foot of the cross, where all things have been made new, and You have reconciled me to Yourself in all ways, so that no burden is heavy.

Leaving behind our discretion

We are reaching an age in time when discretion has crept out the back door...or in some cases, just ran blatantly right out the front! With the wide open spaces of email, Facebook, blogging, and mySpace, we are free to expose whatever we want for the whole world to hear and see. In a time when Christ has been brought down to our level as a means of excusing sin, we have lost our discretion. We no longer blush at mentioning private matters in a very public manner. It's no wonder that women are no longer retaining their feminine virtues - we have been exposed to all kinds of perverse and unladylike manner of living. In fact, we are often eager to engage in such attitudes, speech and behavior. We parade photos of ourselves in swimsuits all across our Facebook profiles. We splash flirtatious words across the message boards of the Internet. We speak in vague ambiguities merely to stir up curiosity among our peers. What's worse, is that we have forgotten not only our discretion, but our call to discipleship amongst the covenant community. Scripture is clear that older men are to be "sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness," and women are to be "reverent in behavior...to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands". Why? "So that the Word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2). When we disregard these instructions and begin to interact and behave just as the world, our ability to influence others for Christ is not only discredited, it is mocked and reviled. I am not seeking to be legalistic in the sense of telling you what you can and cannot wear or what you can do with your "free time". What I am saying is that when you document it and publicize it in an arena where people have no understanding of the background or reasoning behind it, you cannot expect there to be no consequences. Posting photos that call attention to our physical beauty make it quite obvious what we are looking for. Writing about personal matters in a way that leaves much information left to the interpreter, or simply discourages them because we have made our complaints quite clear, has nothing to do with mutual accountability or fellowship within the body. By doing such things, we are provoking others to sin in one way or another. Each one of us is an older and younger woman in every relationship we encounter. Even as a young woman, we are an older woman to those girls we interact with. With each year that passes, we should become more and more of a wise and careful influence on those around us.

We have been warned about this godlessness in the last days. As Paul wrote to Timothy, "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning but never able to arrive at the knowledge of truth." Does this apply to men and women? Of course, as does all of Scripture. But since I am a woman, I am speaking to women here. How is it that weak women are captured, especially if they are in their own homes, as they should be? Because they are not on guard, and they are not busy tending to the things of the Lord. It is quite possible to be a homemaker, never working outside the home, yet be dragged away by the evils of this world. How are we spending our time at home? Aimlessly clicking the remote? Wandering around on one another's profiles looking for juicy or exciting information? Are we using every opportunity - and I mean every - to exalt the name of Christ in one another's lives? It is this age when we are the most in danger, because everything has become so accessible. There are no restrictions any longer.

May we be always pursuing the righteous fruit of Christ. As Paul said to Titus, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works".

Comfort

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." Colossians 1:3-5

We encourage because we have been encouraged in Christ. We love because we have been loved in Christ. We serve because we have been eternally served beyond all that we could ask or think. We can extend mercy because of the mercy that has been lavished upon us. We cover one another's sins because Christ has covered ours. We speak with knowledge and wisdom, because to do otherwise is to deny what we have been given in Christ.

Not much to say...

Recent days have brought about distractions as I transition from some major responsibilities of life to some new ventures for a time. This transition is exciting and welcomed, though not without some trepidation. As I contemplate my fitness for the task that lies ahead, I am quickly downcast and despairing - if I listen to the accusations of the enemy. Sometimes there are things we want so badly in life, and we pray and pursue with great fervency. But then when we finally get the thing we so desperately desired, we suddenly aren't sure if we want it anymore. Not because it has lost its value, but because the reality of getting it sets in and we begin to realize how it might change us...or worse yet, how it might require us to be changed through challenging and sanctifying circumstances.

The great Scottish preacher, Robert Murray M'Cheyne, said this: "It has always been my aim, and it is my prayer, to have no plans with regard to myself, well assured as I am, that the place where the Savior sees meet to place me must ever be the best place for me."

One thing I have learned by experience as a woman, is that we tend to dislike change. And we tend to have our own agenda and schedule, with a neat little planner to match, and coordinating post-it notes to keep everything organized. Of course, not all women are planners. But most of us have some variation of planning/organization interests and skill. I would even go so far as to say that this tendency may stem from our creation design, as God has used this quality as one of woman's primary means of blessing man as his helper.

Looking back at Eve's fall into sin, and the resulting impact that has had on all of mankind, I would also say that this one area where woman is most gifted, is certainly also an area in which she is the most likely to have her depravity manifested. Do we not take our planning and administrating abilities to the extremes of dominating, ruling over and even criticizing men? We allow the good of how God has created us to become the very means by which we can bring the most frustration and difficulty in our relationships. We know that one of the critical created elements of a woman's role is to be submissive. This role often meets with failure because we are unwilling to let go of ouyr demands. We demand to know what's going on. We demand to be informed about plans and decisions. We demand to be aware of the plans for the week and the meals we will prepare. We don't like operating on the fly, being flexible and easygoing. And typically, our angry and impatient responses reveal a heart that has plotted and planned according to a selfish will.

What is the solution to such matters? To be as Robert Murray M'Cheyne and remind ourselves that nothing is according to our human will. The Bible says that a man plans his ways, but God is the One who directs His steps. So while it is important to be orderly and thoughtful with the time and resources God has given us, we must remember that anything we do is the direct result of the perfect will of our Heavenly Father. He is the One guiding our every step and removing obstacles or opening windows of opportunity. It is He who determines our plans, and there are no regrets. Where He sees fit to place us is His divine and holy will.

Motives for righteousness

Something I have been contemplating a great deal in recent days is to discern my motives for doing things. It is an important thing for the Christian to think about, as we know that it is God who searches and knows our hearts. Only He can fully determine if there are any wicked ways within us. Then the next critical question is to determine whether we continue doing those things once we recognize that our motives may have been wrong. The more complex consideration is when those things we do are good things - like serving and caring for others. We care for each other's children, clean and cook for our families, sing in the choir, volunteer long hours in the nursery, teach a Sunday School class, disciple young people, plan church outreach activities, travel on mission trips around the world, giving money to our church, making meals for those who are ill, and the list goes on and on. Are not these all things that have been commanded in Scripture, as we seek to live out the call to be Christ's disciples by caring for the weak and meeting the needs of the brethren? So if they are good things, what should our response be when we discover that our motives have been tainted by sinful affections? Maybe we are trying to make a good impression on others sometimes. Possibly we are avoiding dealing with a personal area of our own lives by filling up our time with "busy good deeds". And what complicates such matters is when they are coupled with a sincere desire to serve Christ's Bride, the Church. Loving the local body of believers is a good and proper motivation for serving others. But more necessary is a love for Christ Himself, knowing that we are His servants and belong to Him.

So back to the original question - do we continue doing works of righteousness even when we know that our motives are not entirely Christlike and pure? A well-known theologian, John Gerstner, said this: "The thing that really separates us from God is not so much our sin, but our damnable good works". When we do good things - for others, for the Church, or even for God - and are motivated by any thought of gaining favorable standing, then we have certainly missed the mark and allowed sinful assumptions to captivate our minds and hearts. We have moved from being led by the humility of Christ to being provoked by hopes of increasing our self-worth. It is these works that then become a source of judgment upon our own souls rather than an active living out of our transformed hearts. A believer should be motivated by the joy found in Christ as the source of all pleasure and provision. Any holiness or righteousness we exhibit must be recognized as an "alien" quality that has only been cultivated in our hearts by the powerful inner workings of our great and mighty God! It is in these truths that we find our answer. YES, we do continue pressing on in righteous duty even if our hearts are tainted by sinful motivations. Tim Chester says, "There will be times when we do act out of duty, but we do this believing that duty leads to joy, that denying ourselves leads to gaining our life (Mark 8:35-36)". As we obey and continue to seek out opportunities to serve others, meeting needs and helping, then we will experience joy in it. And as we recognize sinful motives that might be hindering us from that true joy then we can and must be quick to repent of them and turn to Christ for renewed purity and passion in sacrificially serving His Church.

Culture of Fatigue

"I'm so tired."
"I don't feel well."
"I need a coffee."
"If I could just have a break and take a couple days off."
"I guess I should call off today. I think I overdid it."
"You're a little under the weather? Well, I guess it's alright if you stay home."
"I just need a day to recuperate."

Sound familiar? It certainly does to me - and not from others, but from my own lips. In fact, let me begin this post making it perfectly clear that my thoughts and convictions on this topic are just as much from seeing my own attitudes as those around me. There are many reasons why I am contemplating this topic. Firstly, because I see my own sinful tendencies to bewail my personal fatigue. And then, too, between being a teacher and being involved in church ministry, I see the constant habits of tardiness and absences, which have become more and more commonplace and easily accepted in our culture. Furthermore, I see these tendencies toward weariness even in the midst of legitimate life hardships amongst friends and family.

In fact, it would seem at times, that we have created a competition of sorts as to who is the most tired or who "deserves" a break most. We say things like, "Well, you don't know what it's like having two jobs and school," or "You won't understand until you have a husband and kids and are trying to juggle all the scheduling and responsibilities of that." This happens when we are looking at ourselves and not the bigger picture. We see our life circumstances as paramount and as more weighty or serious than those of others. Or we even try to justify our tardiness or inability to keep some commitments because we were too busy keeping a more important one. For instance, I might call off work or skip school, only to show up later to a church function. Now, before you spew venomous anger at my boldness in stating such a thing, remember this is not meant as a sweeping indictment. Of course, there may be sincere exceptions to this from time to time. However, in general, when this happens, is it not often because we find merit in these religious works as gaining us better standing with the Lord; yet, the "smaller" things (like keeping your home, helping a friend, exhibiting a commitment to one's job and education) are not viewed with such urgency? I will be transparent here, for the sake of reaffirming that this post is just as much for my own correction as it is intended for the benefit of others. A couple years ago, I took on graduate school and am now in the process of writing my very large thesis to finish up that degree. At the same time, I am a teacher, do tutoring a couple days a week, involved in several ministries at my church that require a significant time commitment, typically don't sleep really well, and my Mom is preparing to undergo surgery for cancer this week. I say all that to give insight into why these things are weighing on my mind. I am quick to complain at times of how tired I am and how my schedule doesn't leave much room for "down time". But when did "down time" become a right? There is no mention of it in Scripture, and when "rest" or a reprieve are referenced in the Bible, it is clear that those times were used to refresh one's soul - not as an excuse to lay around and do nothing.

Are we learning and are we teaching our children to press on and be diligent in the midst of discomfort or weariness? Or are we cultivating habits of giving in at the first sing of fatigue? Are we using biblical language when evaluating ourselves and our children? Or are we quick to term what is actually laziness as boredom or fatigue? Of course there are times of legitimate illness or exhaustion and a genunine need for rest and refreshment. However, are we making those distinctions biblically and from a perspective that is informed by the Word, or from our own self-serving attitudes?

Furthermore, what example are we setting for the lost world, or even in our own homes/churches to the young people who we desire to see pursuing diligent and fervent commitments to the things of the Lord? Does our unsaved boss or our unregenerate young child see clearly our biblical work ethic, one which reflects habits that are self-sacrificing and willing to forgo the personal comforts of relaxation and entertainment? Could this be why we are seeing an ever-increasing tendency toward extended adolescence? Children who never want to grow into adulthood, don't take responsibility seriously, fail to finish anything or finish with excellence?

Our ministries will never be taken seriously as long as we don't take seriously the basic responsibilities God has given us in caring for and maintaining the home, exhibiting diligence in attending work/school, being prompt and showing faithfulness to keep our commitments, and being willing to work hard even when we are tired. One of my pastors has recently said, "The work of the ministry is carried out primarily by tired people." Could that not have been said by the many faithful ministry laborers from years past? Did not Paul work unceasingly for the welfare of the churches? Did not the Puritans labor with undistracted diligence and exhibit amazing fortitude? Yet, even in closing out this topic, I am quickly reminded to examine all these matters in light of the motives behind them. Being prompt, diligent and showing forth reliable work ethic can easily become a "work of righteousness," one which can be held forth as some sort of evidence that one deserves recognition. Battling the temptations toward laziness in this life - for the believer - must be done out of an overflow of his love for Christ. Paul sacrificially served and ministered and worked hard, not to gain favor with God, but as an outflow of his own calling from and love for his Lord and Savior.

And such were some of you...

In recent years, the evangelical world has seen a number of well-respected figures fall from their thrones of influence. Pastors have been caught in adulterous affairs, TV evangelists has been accused of swindling thousands of dollars from faithful viewers, Christian stars have left their spouses for another lover (or even for many reasons that are not biblical grounds for divorce) and then remarried...and now beloved recording artists have confessed to living an "alternative" lifestyle. I have been pondering this post for several days, and still am uncertain as to whether I have allowed it to settle soundly enough in my mind. I do not want my speech to be hasty or overly judgmental. However, I think it is imperative that the Church (meaning those who are sincere believers in the Lordship of Jesus Christ and who have repented of their sin and turned to Him in complete faith) do take a position on such matters. Why? Because we are commanded to take a stand on the issue of sin...both in our personal lives and in the lives of others who name themselves as Christians. It is not my obligation to judge those who do not confess Christ as Savior, for they will be judged by God the Father Himself at the great white throne. But the Bible clearly tells us that we must lovingly "judge" one another within the Church by providing accountability and clarity when we see issues of sin manifested in one another's lives. In fact, chapter 5 of 1st Corinthians tells us that we are to judge within the Church concerning sexual immorality and to purge from the Church those who are unrepentant. We must deal swiftly and biblically with sin in our personal lives and with the sins that affect the body of Christ corporately.

Unfortunately, by taking a stand on such issues, I will most likely be labeled as unloving, prejudicial, arrogant and self-righteous. The verse, "let him without sin cast the first stone," inevitably becomes the battle cry against Christians who speak biblical truth in the face of such behaviors. Yet it is my Christian love which compels me to write. My love for Christ demands that I love His Word and love others that He has created - and in that love, I must call them to repentance so that they may be reconciled to the Savior. Is it not precious and faithful love that has been lavished upon me when a fellow brother or sister in Christ has graciously pointed out my sins and calls me to repentance? Sometimes I am so blind to my own deceitful ways that it takes the bold and yet compassionate admonitions of a Christian friend to draw me back into a clear understanding of God and His ways. The Christian life is rooted in perseverance, and we clearly depend on one another in order to persevere. Yes, God is the One who holds my soul in the palm of His hand, but He often uses fellow Christians to point my soul back to Him.

Thankfully, in God's providence, He has brought me to a church in which the love and forgiveness of Christ is seen on a consistent basis, as wayward members are welcomed back into fellowship upon their repentance and restoration. It is a joyful time when a brother or sister has come to recognize their sinful ways and then seeks to be reconciled to God and those in the Church. I have personally experienced this when I have been confronted of sins observed in my own life, but am always reminded of the love that the one confronting has for me and that their desire is for my eternal welfare. When an adulterous man has sought forgiveness and true biblical restoration, it has been granted. When a rebellious young adult who has lashed out against her family, returns in love and sorrow over her sin, she is welcomed just as the prodigal son. When I am unloving, bitter or thoughtless in my attitudes toward others, my church family is often eager to extend mercy and forgiveness.

Regarding the issue of sexual sin, and specifically, homosexuality, I would be a liar to say that Christians typically approach this issue with love and graciousness. Anyone who truly understands the grace that has been granted them in Christ Jesus would be eager to extend such compassion and mercy. We are often quick to lay down accusations filled with arrogance and pride. However, just because some in the Church do not deal with the fornicator, adulterer, or liar with Christ-exalting humility, does not mean that we lay aside God's Word altogether and allow sin to reign freely.

One of the most beautiful and obvious examples of Christian love that calls one out of sin is found in the dialogue between Christ and the woman at the well. Here, Christ confronted the woman with the fact that she had numerous husbands, explained to her the way of eternal life, and then told her to "go and sin no more". He loved her and so He told her the truth about herself. He did not offer her a salvation that was free for her own interpretation, as we so often do. The grace was freely given, but a manifestation of true faith was that the woman responded in obedience. There is no such thing as truth if it is not absolute, so saying that truth is whatever I make it to be or interpret it as, makes my "truth" merely an opinion. Jennifer Knapp, like all of us when we live in the deceitfulness of the sinful flesh, is seeking to measure her faith by experience instead of by God's Word. She has become her own source of authority instead of God being her authority. Therefore, her truth has become relative.

May we be quick, believers, to lovingly and gently call out the sin of a Christian brother or sister. But may we be even quicker to examine our own sinful hearts and "lay aside every weight which so easily entangles". May the Lord use such things to keep His Bride (the Church) pure and undefiled. May He show mercy and wisdom to Jennifer Knapp, and the many like her, who are so driven by emotion and experience, and bring them to a proper understanding of His Word, interpreting it as it is and not for how we would like for it to be. And may He be gracious to us all, for He is coming for us one day, and that may be very soon. May we be anticipating that day, preparing ourselves as the Bride does for the Bridegroom, without spot or blemish, and savoring Christ in all things.

"But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. They said to you, 'In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.' It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt, save others by snatching them out of the fire, to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh" (Jude 17-23).

Contrasting between God and man

My posting has been rather sparse this month, as I am in the midst of some very hectic times, as well as some pivotal self-reflection. However, as I was driving home tonight, the Lord was so good to use a favorite song to point out the vast divide between His glorious and perfect character and my fleshly, self-inflated character. One of my favorite songs on the Gateway Worship album is "You are Good," and as I was listening to it with the windows down on a beautiful evening, here is what stood out to me:

"Your kindness is forever...Your goodness if forever...Your mercy is forever." How different from God I truly am, and how I long to attain more diligently the character of His Son, Christ Jesus. My kindness is so limited by whether others treat me kindly. Was not Christ's kindness always perfect and filled with compassion to those around Him? And yet I find it difficult to be kind even for a moment sometimes. I become easily annoyed and frustrated with people when they don't do things my way, and I take their disobedience or mistreatments more as a personal offense instead of being righteously concerned about how they might be sinning against the Lord. My goodness is often hindered by selfish motives, prideful pursuits for attention and vain glory. Christ was always filled with a goodness that was concerned only with His Father receiving all the honor and praise. And my mercy is so restrained by the evil unforgiveness that remains deep within my heart. Christ told the woman at the well all of her sin, and yet was so eager to spread His loving wings over her, calling her to repentance and yet doing so in a manner of biblical affection. Even my best acts of love towards others are tainted by my inner desire to be loved and affirmed.

Lord, teach me to be kind in the ways You are kind. Train me to be filled with goodness, a righteous goodness that is not of this world. Mold me to be merciful, remembering the sins of others no more and being quick to extend an arm of sweet unity in the body.

Feminism as Fraud...

Taken from the book, "Verses of Virtue" by Elizabeth Beall Phillips:

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. The Lord standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people...

Moreover the Lord saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making tinkling with their feet; Therefore, the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will discover their secret parts.

In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon, the chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers. The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings, the rings, and nose jewels, the changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins, the glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods and the veils.

And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and instead of beauty...

And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel; only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.

Selections from Isaiah 3 and 4

I (the writer of this blog) would challenge each of us women to examine our own hearts and lives, to see in what ways are we stretching forth our necks, seeking attention, eliciting a response from those around us? Are we being led about and motivated by the worldly treasures of beauty and materialism? Are we using the mediums of Facebook and such to proclaim our news to the world, bringing glory to ourselves instead of God, or to complain about someone/something that is disturbing us, just so that we can seek out agreeable comments to validate our frustration? Trust me, I am guilty here as well. Oftentimes, we throw discretion out the window for the sake of getting the attention we have searched to find for so long. We seek affirming comments about ourselves by openly publicizing our beauty, our relationships, our possessions, our successes. We must take heed, for it will all vanish in a moment, at the providential decree of the Lord Almighty, who will not tolerate the disloyalty of our wayward hearts!

Encouraging Resources for Women...

Several of my college girls, as well as friends and peers have asked what books I would recommend to women desiring to learn more about biblical womanhood, singleness, marriage and parenting. Because I am working on my graduate school thesis and have been reading non-stop, I thought I would make a list that way it would be a quick reference I could pass along from time to time. Anyway, I am sure there are many I have either not read or not included in this list, so by no means is it exhaustive, but hopefully it might be helpful in some way. I also cannot say that I would 100% agree with every thought presented in each book or site. However, overall, I would say they offer quite reliable and biblically sound materials, and as with anything, should be understood with God-wrought spiritual discernment.

Blogs:
http://girltalkblogs.com
http://solofemininity.blogs.com
http://affolter-mel.blogspot.com (**this is my blog and I include it merely because I often place links and quotes of other helpful resources on it)

Biblical Websites for Women:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/
http://cbmw.org
http://www.womencounselingwomen.com
http://gnpcb.org/sites/total.truth
http://truewomanhood.wordpress.com
http://biblicalwomanhoodonline.com
http://girlsgonewise.com

Modesty:
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey

Biblical & Theological Encouragement:
http://a1m.org – ministry of Steve Camp
http://www.epm.org – Randy Alcorn provides a God-exalting picture of finances
http://boundless.org
http://joshharris.com – ministry of the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Books:
Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Biblical Womanhood in the Home – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Big Truths For Young Hearts – Bruce Ware
By Design – Susan Hunt
Chance to Die, A – Amy Carmichael
Comforts From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Counsel From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Damsels in Distress – Martha Peace
Depression, A Stubborn Darkness – Ed Welch
Designing a Lifestyle That Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? – Carolyn McCulley
Disciplines of a Godly Woman – Barbara Hughes
Divine Design – John MacArthur
Does Christianity Squash Women? – Rebecca Jones
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart – John Ensor
Don’t Make Me Count to Three: A Mom’s Look.. – Ginger Plowman
Elizabeth Prentiss: More Love to Thee (a biography) – Sharon James
Evangelical Feminism: A New Path to Liberalism? – Wayne Grudem
Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth – Wayne Grudem
Excellent Wife, The – Martha Peace
Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God – Noel Piper
Female Piety – John Angell James
Feminine Appeal – Carolyn Mahaney
Feminist Mistake, The – Mary Kassian
Fine China is for Single Women Too – Lydia Brownback
Freedom of Power and Forgiveness, The – John MacArthur
Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild – Mary Kassian
Give Me This Mountain – Dr. Helen Roseveare
God, Marriage and Family – Andreas Kostenberger
God’s Design For Women: Biblical Womanhood For Today – Sharon James
Gospel Primer for Christians, A – Milton Vincent
Gospel Powered Parenting – William P. Farley
He Gave Us a Valley – Dr. Helen Roseveare
Helper by Design – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Holding Hands, Holding Hearts – Richard Phillips
Idols of the Heart – Elyse Fitzpatrick
In Trouble and In Joy – Sharon James
Instructing a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands – Paul David Tripp
Legacy of Biblical Womanhood – Susan Hunt
Let Me Be a Woman – Elisabeth Elliot
Lies Women Believe & Lies Young Women Believe – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Jay Adams
One Year Book of Hope, The – Nancy Guthrie
Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Peacemaking Women – Tara Barthel & Judy Dabler
Practicing Hospitality – Pat Ennis & Lisa Tatlock
Precious in God’s Sight – Pat Ennis
Preparing for Marriage God’s Way – Wayne Mack
Radical Womanhood – Carolyn McCulley
Relationships, A Mess Worth Making – Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
Rich Single Life, The – Andrew Farmer
Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest – Ed Welch
Shepherding a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Shopping For Time – Carolyn Mahaney (& daughters)
Solving Marriage Problems – Jay Adams
Stepping Heavenward – Elizabeth Prentiss
Sweet and Bitter Providence, A – John Piper
This Momentary Marriage – John Piper
Total Truth – Nancy Pearcy
Treasuring God in Our Traditions – Noel Piper
True Woman – Susan Hunt
Twelve Extraordinary Women – John MacArthur
War of Words – Paul Tripp
When Sinners Say “I Do” – Dave Harvey
Woman After God’s Own Heart, A – Elizabeth George
Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide – Elyse Fitzpatrick & Carol Cornish
Women’s Ministry in the Church – J. Ligon Duncan & Susan Hunt

Christ the Lord is Risen Today...

In a few hours it will be Resurrection Sunday. As I contemplate the meaning of all that is found in Christ's death, burial and resurrection, I think specifically this year what it means to me - as a Christian woman. This past year has been one in which I have come to a deeper love and understanding of my created purpose not just as a human, but as a woman. There is meaning and value in Christ for me as a woman. Sometimes when this topic is discussed, I think people tend to feel like we say things like this merely to make us feel better about being a woman, as if it is so difficult and oppressive. But that is certainly not the intention behind my understanding and study of it, so do not misunderstand me. One of my pastors recently said to me, "What is one of the reasons I get to sit behind this desk?" Now, obviously, not just anyone can be a pastor. It is a life calling, one that must be validated by the Spirit. However, what he was pointing out was that one reason he can sit behind that desk is because he is a man. Scripture teaches that the elder or pastor of the flock is to be a man, not a woman.

So...how does this relate to Easter Sunday? Well, indirectly, it relates in that I celebrate Easter as a woman, praising God for the redemption I have found in Him as my Creator and Savior! I have heard some scholars/writers point out how it was to women that Christ first revealed Himself after His resurrection from the dead, and they even say that this fact should be an encouragement to all women of the value and dignity that Christ chose to bestow on women in doing such a thing. Now, I don't want to take it that far necessarily, because I do think that sometimes we place more meaning on something to the point that it may take away from the central importance, which in this case, is that Christ was raised from the dead! His resurrection is not to be used as an opportunity to validate woman's significance, but to validate the prophecies of God's Word and to bring complete fulfillment to the promises we have in Him. And I rejoice in this reality as a saved woman!

Susan Hunt says, "The true woman is the real thing. The Master has set eternity in her heart and is conforming her to His own image. There is consistency in her outward behavior because it is dictated by the reality of her inner life. That reality is her redemption. The true woman is a reflection of her redemption."

This uncertain life...

Most everyone in my immediate circle of life has heard the news that my mother has been diagnosed with cancer. We don't know much yet about the treatment plan, but are hopefully optimistic that it won't be too bad since it was caught in very early stages. It's funny how quickly that becomes THE topic of conversation - people are shocked, concerned, prayerful, generously desirous to help, eager to give opinions and information, wondering what the future holds...all things that I feel like I am supposed to engage in as well. But I really haven't very much. Maybe it's because my mom's own response to it has been so peaceful and calming. There were no sobs, no weakened demeanor, no doubting panic, no questioning of the Lord's wisdom in it all. She loves Christ and she loves Him more than anything or anyone else.

A blog I frequent by another young woman who is studying biblical counseling, is facing the reality of her father's kidney failure and shared this clip from a letter he wrote to her after finding out his diagnosis: "Uncertainty is a gift because it causes us to look to the only source of real certainty … to the God of all grace who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and is the giver of every good and perfect gift (Js. 1:18). Who is a loving and wise Father who always knows what’s best for his children. Who knows the future and promises out of his wisdom and sovereignty to cause all things to work together for the good to those who love him (Rom. 8:28) and whose will is described as good and acceptable and perfect (Rom. 12:1-2). Who brings trials and uncertainty into our lives that we might learn to trust his wisdom and goodness rather than our own foolishness and finiteness. Who holds the future securely in his omnipotent hands. So while the specifics of the future may be uncertain, the reality is that the BIG THINGS are absolutely certain. My heavenly Father is merciful and gracious and wise and good. How much more certainty does one need??? I can see how God has prepared me for this journey by teaching me to trust in much smaller things through the years of learning to walk by faith. And by his grace I have come to deeply trust my heavenly Father to do what’s best."

WOW! What a blessing to be reared by such faithful and persevering parents. There really is nothing certain in this life. But what is most certain is that I am a redeemed daughter of the Most High God. And the precious fact is that my mother is too. Her final outcome in life is assured. She has been a sweet and selfless slave to her Savior all of her Christian days. She knows the truth that her faith is not something she merely embraced at a point in her past, but it is a daily act of laying down her life for the sake of His Kingdom, seeking to obey His Word...all of it, not simply the things that are easy or convenient. This is biblical womanhood. My most earnest prayer in this situation is that others will see her faithfulness and know that it is genuine, and in seeing that will recognize the absence of it in their own lives, causing them to examine what they are really living for. Living for success or love on this earth are of absolutely no eternal value. It is only to be a successful child of God and to know His perfect love that matter exclusively. It is common to say that true love means learning to love yourself. My mom loves herself least. We are born loving ourselves, always seeking to please self - we don't need to learn how to love ourselves better. We must learn to love ourselves less and love Christ most! Whatever happens in these days of uncertainty, it is His love alone that is always secure and certain.

Salvation comes...

These are the days of Elijah,
Declaring the word of the Lord;
And these are the days of your servant Moses,
Righteousness being restored;
And though these are days of great trials
Of famine and darkness and sword;
Still we are the voice in the desert, crying,
"Prepare ye the way of the Lord!"

Behold He comes riding on the clouds.
Shining like the sun, at the trumpet call.
Lift your voice; it's the year of jublilee;
Out of Zion's hill salvation comes.

Giving up control

Susan Hunt says, "The true woman is not afraid to place herself in a position of submission. She does not have to grasp; she does not have to control. Her fear dissolves in the light of God's covenant promise to be her God and to live with her. Submission is simply a demonstration of her confidence in the sovereign power of the Lord God."

I love to control things, situations, my time, people. I never realized just how much I love to control until I started to see my resistance to submission well up within me on several recent occasions. I considered myself to be pretty submissive, ready to do what is asked of me and usually with a joyful spirit. However, it's the little things that get me. An event or activity goes differently than I anticipated in my mind, I have to wait for an answer about something I have already planned out, or the future is unclear about a job, and for a single woman - the future is always unclear. The unmarried woman often wonders how she will be able to support herself as she ages, she contemplates the increasing responsibilities of life regarding her family as well as her own well-being. All of these things begin to reveal distinct opportunities to submit. Submit to parents, submit to spiritual leaders, employers, and to God's providence in general. These are the things that begin to uncover the mask of submission. My rebellion is exposed as I am called to do things I have already made determinations about. Things don't turn out how I planned or how I, in my prideful heart, think they should. It is here that I am reminded of Ms. Hunt's words. Whether I submit or not reveals whether or not I am fearful, whether I trust in God's goodness, and ultimately, whether I am submitting to Him. Lord, teach me to be submissive, in all things!

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Thankfulness

In recent days I have been reflecting on my tendencies to become discouraged by the difficulties of life. I have experienced the ups and downs of life's challenges, particularly spiritual challenges. It is so easy to become downcast, or even just numb to the realities of life because we are overcome at times by periods of profound discouragement. We then become so tired of it all, we seek out ways to just make it through the day, going through the motions and then we retreat to our homes or rooms hoping to escape it all. We stop engaging in meaningful conversations, we avoid having to deal with the ongoing challenges of our personal responsibilities and obligations because we just feel like throwing in the towel. I am writing this during a time in which I don't feel this way. However, God has been good to remind me in these days that a season like that is certainly only around the corner, as the ebb and flow of life always comes back around eventually to such a time.

So how do we deal with the times when circumstances overwhelm us? How do we build ourselves up, being mindful of the kind providences of God even amidst such difficult days? How do we press on even when nothing changes and we feel like things will never get better? Maybe it would be helpful first to ponder what we should not do. I may not know much, but I have learned in my own failures what does not work.

1) Escapism - pulling it together long enough to make it through the day or event and then coming home and just wanting to get away from it all. Instead of falling on my knees, taking the opportunity of my own discouragement as a means to draw near to the Lord over and over, pleading with Him to teach me and guide me through it, I look for ways to escape and not have to think about anything. For me sometimes this means I will look for almost anything to occupy my time so that I can avoid thinking about what's happening. I watch a movie, I go shopping, I even resort to cleaning:) Obviously none of these things are wrong, but one particular mercy of the Lord in my life these past couple of years is not having cable. Because of that alone, I have been forced on many occasions to sit down and let the Lord deal with me in my discouragement. I have had no choice, all other options have been eliminated - and I have ended up the better for it every time. I used to come home after a long day and just want to sit down and "chill" in front of the screen. But this never presses me on in allowing seasons of trial and discouragement to become a source of very precious refinement in the Lord. Piper calls this rampant trifling: "One of the great diseases of our day is trifling. The things with which most people spend most of their time are trivial. And what makes this a disease is that we were meant to live for magnificent causes. None of us is really content with the trivial pursuits of the world. Our souls will never be satisfied with trifles. We live in the Swiss village but stare at the wooden figurines in the window rather than lifting our eyes to the 'everlasting snows'. We live in a perpetual and hopeless struggle to satisfy our longings on trifles. So our souls shrivel. Our lives become trivial. And our capacity for magnificent causes and great worship dies."

2) Complaining - just drowning myself in the pities of my present circumstances. Sometimes I may not verbally complain in a way that brings others attention to it, but my countenance and my attitudes certainly evidence it. I withdraw from others - or at least from any meaningful discussions with them, I give a downcast and tired appearance, everything becomes just one more thing I have to do, causing people to think any request has now become an added burden. But I have clearly forgotten - has not God called me to "spend and be spent" as Paul was? I have noticed this tendency particularly in recent months while in graduate school, working full-time, tending to ministry responsibilities and so on. I end up complaining that I just never have time for myself or time to relax. Well, where do I find any argument in Scripture that teaches that I deserve breaks? Furthermore, in thinking this way, I have chosen to forget all the blessings God has given me. More on that further below...

3) Blameshifting - looking around at all the injustices being done against me, how people are not treating me the way I think they should be or even how I know biblically they should be. The problem here is that I am not looking to my responsibility in the matter at all. I am not seeing the dark days as a time to examine myself and really understand ways in which I am not being faithful to my calling and responsibilities in this life. I am so focused on what everyone else is doing wrong, I have overlooked what the Lord might be trying to prune me of.

So how should I respond instead?
1)Intentionally choosing gratitude and thankfulness. How often do I focus on all that is not going well, or all that I think is lacking in my life? How many times this year have I been able to go on vacations and weekend getaways to visit with special friends and family, had sweet times of fellowship with dear friends over dinner, been given a warm home to live in, a reliable car to drive, TIME to read the Bible and know God more intimately (which I often choose to forgo and instead entertain myself because I need to "escape reality"), a church in which there are many evidences of God's abundant presence in growing people, an income that does allow me to enjoy moments of fun and relaxation, health that has been sustained allowing me to not only carry on in this life but to do it to the fullest...the list goes on and on. But more than all those things...I have Christ! I am in a personal relationship with Him, having access to the graces of redemption!I have been freed from the damning shackles of sin and sent to do His work for His glory. It is all about Him and not about me.

2)Rejoicing in the role God has given me. He has chosen to use me, a piddly clay pot, and I am His slave. That means my life is not mine to dictate how it should go. My life belongs to Him and it is in Him that I find any meaning at all. When things don't look the way I think they should or how I would like for them to, I must remember that it is His purposes that are being accomplished in my life and the lives of those around me, in whatever ways He chooses to accomplish them.

Piper says, "The Bible is replete with instances of saints struggling with sunken spirits. Psalm 19:7 says,'The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul'. This is a clear admission that the soul of the saint sometimes needs to be revived. And if it needs to be revived, in a sense it was 'dead'. The soul of the 'man after God's own heart' needs to be restored. It was dying of thirst and ready to fall exhausted, but God led the soul to water and gave it life again. Faith in future grace takes the promises of God and throws them against despondency. The lesson of Gethsemane and Calvary and the book of Psalms is that all the dark caves of despondency are really tunnels leading to the fields of joy."

So, dear friend, if you are in a season of discouragement or despondency, take heart: the Lord your God is near to you, He is calling you to Himself even now, and you must flee to Him. Do not turn to the distractions of this world, do not sink into frustration and despair, but be thankful! Thank the Lord for allowing such a time to test and refine you for greater service to Him.

Again, from Piper, come these words of reflection: "God wants us to know that when we follow Him, our lives always mean more than we think they do. For the Christian there is always a connection between the ordinary [and even frustrating or disheartening] events of life and the stupendous work of God in history. Everything we do in obedience to God, no matter how small, is significant. It is part of a cosmic mosaic that God is painting to display the greatness of His power and wisdom to the world and to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places (Eph. 3:10). A deep satisfaction of the Christian life is that we are not given over to trifles. Serving a widowed mother-in-law, gleaning in a field, falling in love, having a baby - for the Christian these things are all connected to eternity. They are part of something so much bigger than they seem."

Painful and Precious...

In recent weeks I have been experiencing some very painful and yet deeply precious times of repentance and refinement from the Lord. I don't care to share specific details, because though I think it is helpful at times to be encouraged through the mass medium of technology - my walk with the Lord is a private one, one which can easily be distorted or misrepresented if given too much exposure. Suffice it to say, I have learned - several times in the past couple years - that when we pray specifically to be refined and for the Lord to use whatever circumstances that are necessary for our pruning, then He will be faithful to do so! Why am I then surprised at how painful they are? It should not be such a shock, for when we think of the pruning and care it takes to maintain a garden, it quickly becomes evident that the most painful and difficult part of the "job" produces the most generous crop.

A few months back, I started a fairly large garden with my mom and some friends. Needless to say, we were not very faithful to care for it or even to adequately prepare the soil - at least that is what we have surmised at this point. We tried to weed it a couple times a week, but it seemed that each time we went, there was an abundance of weeds. And we tried to protect it from the infestation of bugs, but we didn't want to put the potent, most radical forms of bug spray on it. Instead we tried to go organic and keep it all natural. Now it must be said that I am all for organic methods when possible; however, had we put on the strong stuff, we may have been able to salvage some plants...possibly. In a similar fashion, we often put on the least effective protectants against our sin. We merely put a light layer of protection on and we often fail to tend to our own hearts on a daily basis. If I examined my heart as intently and as frequently as I have these past several days all the time, every day - I am confident that I would be conquering sin with much greater effectiveness.

I have allowed the garden of my heart to be overgrown with weeds and have attempted to guard it with a faint salve instead of trusting God to protect it with the righteous merits of Christ. I have plugged away each day with my own humanistic labors of self-righteousness and prideful arrogance, thinking that I can control my own heart and manuever it in the right direction. Folly!

Oh, that I would simply love my dear Jesus and put all of my trust in Him! How often I am misguided by my own loveless heart and my own weakened faith. Samuel Rutherford, a great father of the faith, wrote:

His Great Love – Our Little Faith
I myself am in as sweet communion with Christ as a poor sinner can be. I am only pained that He has much beauty and loveliness, and I little love. He has great power and mercy, and I little faith. He has much light, and I poor eyesight. O that I would see Him in the sweetness of His love, and in His marriage-clothes, and were over head and ears in love with that princely one, Christ Jesus my Lord! Alas, my broken dish, my leaky bottle, can hold so little of Christ Jesus!

Help me, Lord Jesus!