Painful and Precious...

In recent weeks I have been experiencing some very painful and yet deeply precious times of repentance and refinement from the Lord. I don't care to share specific details, because though I think it is helpful at times to be encouraged through the mass medium of technology - my walk with the Lord is a private one, one which can easily be distorted or misrepresented if given too much exposure. Suffice it to say, I have learned - several times in the past couple years - that when we pray specifically to be refined and for the Lord to use whatever circumstances that are necessary for our pruning, then He will be faithful to do so! Why am I then surprised at how painful they are? It should not be such a shock, for when we think of the pruning and care it takes to maintain a garden, it quickly becomes evident that the most painful and difficult part of the "job" produces the most generous crop.

A few months back, I started a fairly large garden with my mom and some friends. Needless to say, we were not very faithful to care for it or even to adequately prepare the soil - at least that is what we have surmised at this point. We tried to weed it a couple times a week, but it seemed that each time we went, there was an abundance of weeds. And we tried to protect it from the infestation of bugs, but we didn't want to put the potent, most radical forms of bug spray on it. Instead we tried to go organic and keep it all natural. Now it must be said that I am all for organic methods when possible; however, had we put on the strong stuff, we may have been able to salvage some plants...possibly. In a similar fashion, we often put on the least effective protectants against our sin. We merely put a light layer of protection on and we often fail to tend to our own hearts on a daily basis. If I examined my heart as intently and as frequently as I have these past several days all the time, every day - I am confident that I would be conquering sin with much greater effectiveness.

I have allowed the garden of my heart to be overgrown with weeds and have attempted to guard it with a faint salve instead of trusting God to protect it with the righteous merits of Christ. I have plugged away each day with my own humanistic labors of self-righteousness and prideful arrogance, thinking that I can control my own heart and manuever it in the right direction. Folly!

Oh, that I would simply love my dear Jesus and put all of my trust in Him! How often I am misguided by my own loveless heart and my own weakened faith. Samuel Rutherford, a great father of the faith, wrote:

His Great Love – Our Little Faith
I myself am in as sweet communion with Christ as a poor sinner can be. I am only pained that He has much beauty and loveliness, and I little love. He has great power and mercy, and I little faith. He has much light, and I poor eyesight. O that I would see Him in the sweetness of His love, and in His marriage-clothes, and were over head and ears in love with that princely one, Christ Jesus my Lord! Alas, my broken dish, my leaky bottle, can hold so little of Christ Jesus!

Help me, Lord Jesus!