Prayer

Be faithful to me, O God! Keep me near to You, clinging to Your Word and Your promises. Remind me when I forget, that You are with me and for me, and that You will not leave me or forsake me. Draw me to rest on Your hand, Lord, knowing that all things are held together by Your great power. Assure me of Your goodness, act on my behalf. Be merciful to me in my doubts and fears - cast out all unbelief, that I may rest confidently in Your perfect purposes. Keep me from an anxious or troubled mind, that I may be a testimony of Your transforming grace. Help me, O God, for I am a lost cause apart from You!

The Cross

Recent days have revealed that I have often allowed so many other things to eclipse the centrality of the cross of Christ in my heart and life. Good things. Things that are often found to be virtuous and pure in Scripture. Things that bring me joy. Things that can be an encouragement to others. And yet...my own soul has often drifted further and further from Christ. When I think upon the cross and what was accomplished there, it doesn't always hit me as it should. I have become busy with life and ministry and good deeds. In seeking to better understand how I have done this and how I can pursue a restored fellowship with my Savior, I have been reading C.J. Mahaney's little book, The Cross Centered Life. In it, he says, "The cross was the centerpiece of Paul's theology. It wasn't merely one of Paul's messages; it was the message. He taught about other things as well, but whatever he taught was always derived from, and related to, the foundational reality that Jesus Christ died so that sinners would be reconciled to God and forgiven by God." He goes on in the first chapter to give a little test to determine whether we are cross centered:

"The symptoms that arise from not being cross centered are easy to spot. Do any of these describe you?
- You often lack joy.
- You're not consistently growing in spiritual maturity.
- Your love for God lacks passion.
- You're always looking for some new technique, some 'new truth' or new experience that will pull all the pieces of your faith together.

If you can relate to any of these symptoms, let me encourage you to keep reading. As you learn to live a cross centered life, you'll learn:
- How to break free from joy-robbing, legalistic thinking and living.
- How to leave behind the crippling effects of guilt and condemnation.
- How to stop basing your faith on your emotions and circumstances.
- How to grow in gratefulness, joy and holiness."

Does this not accurately describe each of us, believers, as we get caught up in the hum-drum superficial demands of this society? We become enslaved to our schedule, busy with "ministry", anxious about earthly matters - all of which deny the power of the cross. I am looking forward to the rest of this little book. I am thankful for even these very hard providences that drive me to self-examination and prayerfully will result in restored joy in the precious Redeemer who has brought my life out of the pit and set my feet upon solid ground! May it be for His glory!

I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...

These are the words to one of my favorite songs. And tonight they are a most needful reminder to me of where I do need to go with all the burdens I cannot bear. Because they really do feel unbearable at times. Like last night. My mind was a frenzied whirlwind, utterly unfixed upon the promises of God. Though I prayed a little here and there amidst such thoughts and "tried" to set my mind and heart on things above, instead of the things here on earth...I certainly did not try very hard. I was quick to give up and give in. Oh, how I long to learn to discipline my thoughts and emotions. It feels like a constant roller coaster of reigning them in, bringing them captive to Christ, and then just as quickly experiencing the abrupt effects of the "drop" - it really is like a roller coaster (which by the way, I think of as one of the most dreadful things to experience in life, which is why the analogy will probably seem totally ridiculous to many who love the thrill of such contraptions!).

The point is, like a roller coaster, I am on this "high" where my mind is stayed upon Christ, and then without any warning, it all falls out from underneath me and my mind is consumed by worries about temporal matters. I heard a tremendous sermon by a wise young man the other night, and he described this outrageously beautiful picture of Christ, in which he said that nothing else matters but Christ - yet, within hours after hearing it, I sinfully chose to forgo my thoughts of Christ and began to become overwhelmed thinking about all my responsibilities, how I will find time for all that I must do in the next couple of months, how I miss spending precious times of fellowship with friends because we are all too busy or live so far from one another, how I feel like I do so many things but do nothing well because I am barely holding it all together, wondering what the future holds, contemplating if it's time to move on from some things and pursue something different, wishing I could be a mother, being frustrated that I struggle with the same sins over and over...clearly, allowing my thoughts to go wildly uncontrolled. This led to a sleepless night, one in which I awoke several times, laying awake for hours, only to get up this morning feeling exhausted and disappointed in myself.

In all these things, God is most gracious, is He not? I made it through the day, I didn't have any emotional distress, and I was able to accomplish more than I thought I would when I first awoke to such defeated thoughts. His mercies truly are new every morning, and are just enough to be measured for each day - even moment by moment. He is so good to me! How I love Him! I love that even though I still don't feel like many issues were resolved, there are many remaining frustrations and disappointments - both in myself and in others - I am grateful to be reminded that those feelings hold no significance in the light of God's plans and purposes for my life. My feelings are ever-deceiving and always seeking to promote myself. When I become jealous that there seems to be little opportunity for me to rest or enjoy some frivolities of this life, I can be certain there is no truth in those feelings. When I get discouraged by the way I think others treat me, or by the sin I see in their own lives, I can rest assured there is no validity to it. My flesh has trained me to interpret things as being deserved or undeserved. I have exalted myself and my feelings. I love that God, in Christ Jesus, has already covered all these ridiculously sinful notions in His forgiving grace. I love that even though I don't remember these things oftentimes, He remembers for me. And He is merciful to keep me from sinning worse than I do, because left to myself, I am sure these feelings and contemplations could lead to horrific actions and attitudes that would ruin my testimony and certainly be a discouragement to others. He truly covers my sin and my shame.

Back to the song. "Since you brought dead ones to life...I know You can do that with mine...so I come to You with my broken heart in my hands. I come to You with an anxious and troubled mind...Just like You did to the sea...I know that You will bring peace. I ask, I seek, and knock...that the door will be opened. I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...Your yoke is easy so I, can trade them for one that is light. So I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear. I come to You with a life that I do not own. The door to Your kingdom is great, and You gave Your own life away...that the door will be opened."

Lord, teach me to come to You with the burdens I cannot bear, to cast them at the foot of the cross, where all things have been made new, and You have reconciled me to Yourself in all ways, so that no burden is heavy.

Comfort

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." Colossians 1:3-5

We encourage because we have been encouraged in Christ. We love because we have been loved in Christ. We serve because we have been eternally served beyond all that we could ask or think. We can extend mercy because of the mercy that has been lavished upon us. We cover one another's sins because Christ has covered ours. We speak with knowledge and wisdom, because to do otherwise is to deny what we have been given in Christ.

Salvation comes...

These are the days of Elijah,
Declaring the word of the Lord;
And these are the days of your servant Moses,
Righteousness being restored;
And though these are days of great trials
Of famine and darkness and sword;
Still we are the voice in the desert, crying,
"Prepare ye the way of the Lord!"

Behold He comes riding on the clouds.
Shining like the sun, at the trumpet call.
Lift your voice; it's the year of jublilee;
Out of Zion's hill salvation comes.

Thankfulness

In recent days I have been reflecting on my tendencies to become discouraged by the difficulties of life. I have experienced the ups and downs of life's challenges, particularly spiritual challenges. It is so easy to become downcast, or even just numb to the realities of life because we are overcome at times by periods of profound discouragement. We then become so tired of it all, we seek out ways to just make it through the day, going through the motions and then we retreat to our homes or rooms hoping to escape it all. We stop engaging in meaningful conversations, we avoid having to deal with the ongoing challenges of our personal responsibilities and obligations because we just feel like throwing in the towel. I am writing this during a time in which I don't feel this way. However, God has been good to remind me in these days that a season like that is certainly only around the corner, as the ebb and flow of life always comes back around eventually to such a time.

So how do we deal with the times when circumstances overwhelm us? How do we build ourselves up, being mindful of the kind providences of God even amidst such difficult days? How do we press on even when nothing changes and we feel like things will never get better? Maybe it would be helpful first to ponder what we should not do. I may not know much, but I have learned in my own failures what does not work.

1) Escapism - pulling it together long enough to make it through the day or event and then coming home and just wanting to get away from it all. Instead of falling on my knees, taking the opportunity of my own discouragement as a means to draw near to the Lord over and over, pleading with Him to teach me and guide me through it, I look for ways to escape and not have to think about anything. For me sometimes this means I will look for almost anything to occupy my time so that I can avoid thinking about what's happening. I watch a movie, I go shopping, I even resort to cleaning:) Obviously none of these things are wrong, but one particular mercy of the Lord in my life these past couple of years is not having cable. Because of that alone, I have been forced on many occasions to sit down and let the Lord deal with me in my discouragement. I have had no choice, all other options have been eliminated - and I have ended up the better for it every time. I used to come home after a long day and just want to sit down and "chill" in front of the screen. But this never presses me on in allowing seasons of trial and discouragement to become a source of very precious refinement in the Lord. Piper calls this rampant trifling: "One of the great diseases of our day is trifling. The things with which most people spend most of their time are trivial. And what makes this a disease is that we were meant to live for magnificent causes. None of us is really content with the trivial pursuits of the world. Our souls will never be satisfied with trifles. We live in the Swiss village but stare at the wooden figurines in the window rather than lifting our eyes to the 'everlasting snows'. We live in a perpetual and hopeless struggle to satisfy our longings on trifles. So our souls shrivel. Our lives become trivial. And our capacity for magnificent causes and great worship dies."

2) Complaining - just drowning myself in the pities of my present circumstances. Sometimes I may not verbally complain in a way that brings others attention to it, but my countenance and my attitudes certainly evidence it. I withdraw from others - or at least from any meaningful discussions with them, I give a downcast and tired appearance, everything becomes just one more thing I have to do, causing people to think any request has now become an added burden. But I have clearly forgotten - has not God called me to "spend and be spent" as Paul was? I have noticed this tendency particularly in recent months while in graduate school, working full-time, tending to ministry responsibilities and so on. I end up complaining that I just never have time for myself or time to relax. Well, where do I find any argument in Scripture that teaches that I deserve breaks? Furthermore, in thinking this way, I have chosen to forget all the blessings God has given me. More on that further below...

3) Blameshifting - looking around at all the injustices being done against me, how people are not treating me the way I think they should be or even how I know biblically they should be. The problem here is that I am not looking to my responsibility in the matter at all. I am not seeing the dark days as a time to examine myself and really understand ways in which I am not being faithful to my calling and responsibilities in this life. I am so focused on what everyone else is doing wrong, I have overlooked what the Lord might be trying to prune me of.

So how should I respond instead?
1)Intentionally choosing gratitude and thankfulness. How often do I focus on all that is not going well, or all that I think is lacking in my life? How many times this year have I been able to go on vacations and weekend getaways to visit with special friends and family, had sweet times of fellowship with dear friends over dinner, been given a warm home to live in, a reliable car to drive, TIME to read the Bible and know God more intimately (which I often choose to forgo and instead entertain myself because I need to "escape reality"), a church in which there are many evidences of God's abundant presence in growing people, an income that does allow me to enjoy moments of fun and relaxation, health that has been sustained allowing me to not only carry on in this life but to do it to the fullest...the list goes on and on. But more than all those things...I have Christ! I am in a personal relationship with Him, having access to the graces of redemption!I have been freed from the damning shackles of sin and sent to do His work for His glory. It is all about Him and not about me.

2)Rejoicing in the role God has given me. He has chosen to use me, a piddly clay pot, and I am His slave. That means my life is not mine to dictate how it should go. My life belongs to Him and it is in Him that I find any meaning at all. When things don't look the way I think they should or how I would like for them to, I must remember that it is His purposes that are being accomplished in my life and the lives of those around me, in whatever ways He chooses to accomplish them.

Piper says, "The Bible is replete with instances of saints struggling with sunken spirits. Psalm 19:7 says,'The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul'. This is a clear admission that the soul of the saint sometimes needs to be revived. And if it needs to be revived, in a sense it was 'dead'. The soul of the 'man after God's own heart' needs to be restored. It was dying of thirst and ready to fall exhausted, but God led the soul to water and gave it life again. Faith in future grace takes the promises of God and throws them against despondency. The lesson of Gethsemane and Calvary and the book of Psalms is that all the dark caves of despondency are really tunnels leading to the fields of joy."

So, dear friend, if you are in a season of discouragement or despondency, take heart: the Lord your God is near to you, He is calling you to Himself even now, and you must flee to Him. Do not turn to the distractions of this world, do not sink into frustration and despair, but be thankful! Thank the Lord for allowing such a time to test and refine you for greater service to Him.

Again, from Piper, come these words of reflection: "God wants us to know that when we follow Him, our lives always mean more than we think they do. For the Christian there is always a connection between the ordinary [and even frustrating or disheartening] events of life and the stupendous work of God in history. Everything we do in obedience to God, no matter how small, is significant. It is part of a cosmic mosaic that God is painting to display the greatness of His power and wisdom to the world and to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places (Eph. 3:10). A deep satisfaction of the Christian life is that we are not given over to trifles. Serving a widowed mother-in-law, gleaning in a field, falling in love, having a baby - for the Christian these things are all connected to eternity. They are part of something so much bigger than they seem."

Fear

It seems that there are often times in life when we don't do something or we refuse to fully engage in a relationship because we are fearful it won't last or that we might do something to spoil it. We spend our time anxious about whether the blessing that has been granted will remain, fretting over the unknown of when it might disappear. I spend far too much time analyzing the paths of my life - not that it is wrong to analyze, for wise examination is a profitable necessity for the sanctified believer. However, too much analyzing can remove the enjoyment of what God has given and is even an expression of sinful ingratitude. What it really boils down to is selfish pride, placing our own restrictions and expectations on what God, in His perfect providence, has graciously bestowed upon us.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change (James 1:17).

Matthew Henry says this in his commentary on James 1:
"No condition of life is such as to hinder rejoicing in God. Those of low degree may rejoice, if they are exalted to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom of God; and the rich may rejoice in humbling providences, that lead to a humble and lowly disposition of mind. Worldly wealth is a withering thing. Then, let him that is rich rejoice in the grace of God, which makes and keeps him humble; and in the trials and exercises which teach him to seek happiness in and from God, not from perishing enjoyments."

So when I am blessed with a relationship that is precious, or a material good that somehow has enriched my life - may I remember to be humble in thankfulness, but to seek happiness in God alone, as all these other enjoyments will perish eventually, whether a physical good like a relaxing vacation or a reliable car - or if it be even an encouraging and precious friendship in which there is mutual spiritual care. Nothing will have permanent value outside of its relationship to man's salvation and sanctification. May I then not allow fear of losing something to hinder me from enjoying its sweetest blessings here, but in the power of the Spirit, transform that fear into a biblical humility that is overwhelmed with gratitude that a great and mighty God would allow me to enjoy the benefits of such a thing even for a few moments!