A Word for the Unmarried...

In recent days, there has been an explosion of writing, discussion and even disagreement on the topic of Christian singleness. Publishers seem to be cranking out book upon book addressing the rising frequency of delayed marriage among Christian young adults. Such conversations about singleness and having a biblical view toward marriage can be challenging and even burdensome at times. As we see our own sin revealed more and more, and experience the effects of simply living in a world that has pushed unbiblical thoughts about biblical manhood/womanhood and marriage upon us (even penetrating the doors of the church), we can become discouraged and feel hopeless at times - IF we are not diligent to stay near the Word and remember that it is Christ who possesses our minds as believers. We must persevere through these things, because we know that God ordains all things for our good as well as for the benefit of the whole body. Think of how much better prepared our younger sisters in Christ will be if we can learn, apply, and love the truths that are being knit in our hearts and minds.

As women, we often want a "to-do" list or a set of clear principles to show us how to fix a problem - I know I have desired that in studying out how to come to an understanding of singleness and marriage. But there is nowhere we can look for solutions except God's Word. Everything we think, read, and especially feel must be measured according to Scriptures. Particularly our feelings are quick to deceive us and to overcome us, as even biblical truth gets mingled with the sinful fluctuations of our feelings. A dear friend reminded me just today that when the Bible speaks of a "gentle and quiet spirit", it means a calm and settled spirit, one that is not swayed to and fro by our wayward and deceitful hearts. This is the kind of women we must strive to be right now, disciplining our spirits to be quiet, to be faithfully trusting in the promises of God every moment.

Being a part of a local church where the Word of God is boldly and accurately preached, and church discipline is practiced faithfully must be the primary objective for today's young single adult. Without the safeguards of such a fellowship, the single person will undoubtedly be "tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine". And it is a doctrinal issue - because the ways in which we think about and approach our singleness reveal much about what we believe about marriage. As we study and read, we must be careful about our intake of extrabiblical resources. While we do have to read authors with discernment, they can be a source of great encouragement of thoughtfulness. Please read this link and remember that while we may not have all the answers in front of us right now, we know who holds the answers.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002148.cfm

Identity

I am a Christian - my identity is in Christ, and a woman - created as such by God, specifically intended to fulfill my role as such, and lastly, a single. My marital status has very little to do with my identity, just as it does for a married woman, a widowed woman, a divorced woman, a single mother. One’s identity is whether or not they are in Christ, and then they live out that Christ-focused identity either as a man or a woman – because being such demands that life be lived a particular way. I live my life in the light of Christ in a manner that is unique from that of a Christian man. However, my marital status does not impact the fact that I am in Christ or the fact that I am a woman. Those two things do not fluctuate with time or circumstance. A woman is always a woman, no matter what situations arise in her life and no matter what her perspective is on them – she never ceases being a woman. And once in Christ, she never stops being in Christ – there is no possibility of her salvation being rescinded. It is guaranteed once it has been granted.

Encouraging Resources for Women...

Several of my college girls, as well as friends and peers have asked what books I would recommend to women desiring to learn more about biblical womanhood, singleness, marriage and parenting. Because I am working on my graduate school thesis and have been reading non-stop, I thought I would make a list that way it would be a quick reference I could pass along from time to time. Anyway, I am sure there are many I have either not read or not included in this list, so by no means is it exhaustive, but hopefully it might be helpful in some way. I also cannot say that I would 100% agree with every thought presented in each book or site. However, overall, I would say they offer quite reliable and biblically sound materials, and as with anything, should be understood with God-wrought spiritual discernment.

Blogs:
http://girltalkblogs.com
http://solofemininity.blogs.com
http://affolter-mel.blogspot.com (**this is my blog and I include it merely because I often place links and quotes of other helpful resources on it)

Biblical Websites for Women:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/
http://cbmw.org
http://www.womencounselingwomen.com
http://gnpcb.org/sites/total.truth
http://truewomanhood.wordpress.com
http://biblicalwomanhoodonline.com
http://girlsgonewise.com

Modesty:
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey

Biblical & Theological Encouragement:
http://a1m.org – ministry of Steve Camp
http://www.epm.org – Randy Alcorn provides a God-exalting picture of finances
http://boundless.org
http://joshharris.com – ministry of the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Books:
Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Biblical Womanhood in the Home – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Big Truths For Young Hearts – Bruce Ware
By Design – Susan Hunt
Chance to Die, A – Amy Carmichael
Comforts From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Counsel From the Cross – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Damsels in Distress – Martha Peace
Depression, A Stubborn Darkness – Ed Welch
Designing a Lifestyle That Pleases God – Lisa Tatlock & Pat Ennis
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? – Carolyn McCulley
Disciplines of a Godly Woman – Barbara Hughes
Divine Design – John MacArthur
Does Christianity Squash Women? – Rebecca Jones
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart – John Ensor
Don’t Make Me Count to Three: A Mom’s Look.. – Ginger Plowman
Elizabeth Prentiss: More Love to Thee (a biography) – Sharon James
Evangelical Feminism: A New Path to Liberalism? – Wayne Grudem
Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth – Wayne Grudem
Excellent Wife, The – Martha Peace
Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God – Noel Piper
Female Piety – John Angell James
Feminine Appeal – Carolyn Mahaney
Feminist Mistake, The – Mary Kassian
Fine China is for Single Women Too – Lydia Brownback
Freedom of Power and Forgiveness, The – John MacArthur
Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild – Mary Kassian
Give Me This Mountain – Dr. Helen Roseveare
God, Marriage and Family – Andreas Kostenberger
God’s Design For Women: Biblical Womanhood For Today – Sharon James
Gospel Primer for Christians, A – Milton Vincent
Gospel Powered Parenting – William P. Farley
He Gave Us a Valley – Dr. Helen Roseveare
Helper by Design – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Holding Hands, Holding Hearts – Richard Phillips
Idols of the Heart – Elyse Fitzpatrick
In Trouble and In Joy – Sharon James
Instructing a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands – Paul David Tripp
Legacy of Biblical Womanhood – Susan Hunt
Let Me Be a Woman – Elisabeth Elliot
Lies Women Believe & Lies Young Women Believe – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Jay Adams
One Year Book of Hope, The – Nancy Guthrie
Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety – Elyse Fitzpatrick
Peacemaking Women – Tara Barthel & Judy Dabler
Practicing Hospitality – Pat Ennis & Lisa Tatlock
Precious in God’s Sight – Pat Ennis
Preparing for Marriage God’s Way – Wayne Mack
Radical Womanhood – Carolyn McCulley
Relationships, A Mess Worth Making – Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
Rich Single Life, The – Andrew Farmer
Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest – Ed Welch
Shepherding a Child’s Heart – Tedd Tripp
Shopping For Time – Carolyn Mahaney (& daughters)
Solving Marriage Problems – Jay Adams
Stepping Heavenward – Elizabeth Prentiss
Sweet and Bitter Providence, A – John Piper
This Momentary Marriage – John Piper
Total Truth – Nancy Pearcy
Treasuring God in Our Traditions – Noel Piper
True Woman – Susan Hunt
Twelve Extraordinary Women – John MacArthur
War of Words – Paul Tripp
When Sinners Say “I Do” – Dave Harvey
Woman After God’s Own Heart, A – Elizabeth George
Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide – Elyse Fitzpatrick & Carol Cornish
Women’s Ministry in the Church – J. Ligon Duncan & Susan Hunt