Tired

In recent months, I have taken on more and more responsibilities in many areas of my life and ministry. As a single woman who is not working full-time, it becomes easy to say "yes" to everything. I am eager to spend my life encouraging others, filling needed positions, and pursuing the call of God upon my life. I know for certain that God has providentially ordained my single days, as long as they may last, for His glory and my good. He has been so faithful to remind me not to resent my role as a single woman, but to say with Paul, "I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls". However, there are certainly days when I am tired, overwhelmed by all the spiritual pressures and other demands that are clamoring for my time and attention. Days when I must retreat to the foot of the cross and learn once again to just love my Jesus, simply and purely, without any distractions of this world (even good and biblical distractions). There are times when I become consumed by my perceived "rights": a right to rest, to sleep, to spend time just hanging out and relaxing. These are not necessarily bad things, but in light of the Kingdom, I must always remember that my time is given to me by God to make the best use of and not become entangled with thinking that it belongs to me to spend on my own desires and wishes.

As I spend many hours each day reading hundreds of pages filled with graduate study materials, I have struggled at times to know how I want to spend my time right before I drift off to sleep. I still want to be near the Lord and prayerfully mindful of His presence, but without all the deeper intricacies that are in most of the books I am reading. So I recently began reading spiritual biographies in this time as I lay in my bed preparing for rest. One woman who I have enjoyed above most, is Helen Roseveare. She spent over twenty years as a medical missionary in Congo, all as a single woman. She was one of the most "spent" people I have ever heard of, and when I read her words, I am provoked to disgust over my selfish thoughts about the demands on my own time. The other night, a particular passage in her book, Living Sacrifice: Willing to be Whittled as an Arrow, gripped my mind and has stayed there for several days. As she shares some of the difficult and time-consuming circumstances that she encountered in her daily life as a servant of the Lord, she writes:

"Again and again, my heart cried out under the burdens...The emotional involvement of my aroused feelings had to be taken again and again to the Saviour. I had to learn that He cared for the students even more than I did. He demanded a holy church, and His will for each member was sanctification. I dared not lower the standards to accommodate one individual, or the whole would suffer. God invited me to give Him this part of my make-up, to love Him with all my soul, and to trust Him to work out His infinite purposes in His infinite love, even without my understanding.

Books - clothing - food - companionship - death - discipline involved all 'feelings'. There seemed so much to learn in order to love Him with all my feelings; yet this was only one part of my soul. The other, and perhaps, larger and stronger part, was my will. If I would learn to love God with all my soul, I would have to learn to give Him my will. That would mean giving Him the right to exercise control over it. I had to learn that I have no rights. All rights are His. How was I ever going to learn to live in the atmosphere of the prayer, 'Not my will, but Thine be done'?

My right to be considered, to have my opinion listened to, to give my advice, to make choices and decisions, certainly insofar as these related directly to my own life and the outworking of the visions He had given me, all seemed so essentially right and reasonable. It is against modern teaching and practice to deny any human being the right to be himself and to express himself. Hence the freedom of speech, and of the press, and many other avenues of self-expression have become precious and almost fundamental to our whole way of life and thinking. Psychologically it is sound. Intellectually it is reasonable. Practically, it may lead to anarchy and strikes and disruption of whole communities, though perhaps one might not say so (even in these days of free speech!). This is considered a small price to pay for a basic freedom.

However, spiritually, it is not God's way. He has a perfect plan for each one of us, a plan that fits into His overall purpose for the whole world. My individual liberty is safeguarded within His plan, insofar as I am free to choose to accept or reject it: but once I have accepted it, I must give obedeience to Him within it, and learn to say wholeheartedly, 'Not my will, but Thine be done'. If I truly believe in Him, I'll trust Him to desire for me that which is for my highest good, and to have planned for its fulfillment."

I pray that I can be more like this and die to my "rights", which are completely non-existent anyways! The apostle Paul, and Jesus Himself, were most certainly tired a great deal of their time on this earth. The weight of their burdens for God's people and for a lost and dying world could have consumed them, had they not always first sought to be refreshed and lifted up by the Spirit of a merciful and abundantly powerful God!

Special Guest Post

A few days back a very dear friend of mine shared the following thoughts with some young women we share in ministry with. I found it to be very encouraging and with her permission, wanted to pass it along. I pray it provokes you to thought this beautiful day!

This past week, my husband and I visited Liberty University, where we graduated 12 years ago this May. We were able to see old friends and make new connections with other LU alumni, as well as visit the city and reminisce of old times. I believe it was also a time of refreshment for our spiritual lives as well. We were away from our day to day distractions (I don’t mean the kids) and we were able to see into other’s lives and what they are doing for the sake of the kingdom.

Upon returning from our trip, my husband spoke to our youth and I have to say, I was quite convicted. Praise God for the means that He uses to teach His children and may I always be teachable. I’d like to share with you a few of those thoughts and may your heart be pricked and convicted as well, for we all have room to grow.

If you can, think for a moment about the people around you who have something in their lives for which they are extremely passionate. I saw a news story the other day of elementary children setting up a lemonade stand where they sold pink lemonade, in order to raise money for breast cancer. Their motive? One of their friend’s mom had just died of breast cancer and they wanted to bring awareness to their small community. I have relative who lives off the coast of Georgia and spends several hours in the morning before work and several hours in the evening after work paddling to a small island and walking 2-3 miles looking for turtle eggs. You’ve heard of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, which was started by a mom who lost a child by a drunk driver.

These are just a few examples, and I know you have some in your mind, of people who have an agenda or something they have great passion for. The origin for these pursuits varies with each person and the circumstances surrounding them. I’ll ask the question that my husband asked our youth: What’s your agenda?

I read of a young lady who graduated from Baylor University and traveled to Afghanistan in 2001 to do mission work. She, along with five other women and two men, were arrested by the Taliban because they were sharing the Gospel. They were put on trial, ironically right after Sept. 11, and some were sentenced to death and the others were released/escaped. Do you know what her agenda was? After graduating from college, she was focused on spreading the Gospel, not marriage and family or career or what she had or what she didn’t have; no, her agenda was clear and simple. “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

This time of the year we consider Christ’s agenda for coming to earth. Everything He did and said was pointing to the Gospel. He did not get caught in “good things” but did what was best and glorifying to His Father.

I challenge you this week to examine what occupies your time and where you put the most effort. Even good things can hinder us from doing what is best with our time, what is of eternal value. And many times we may do the right things with the wrong motives; motives that are self-exalting instead of God-exalting. This life is to make much of Him, not of ourselves.

For His glory, Summer

A special post for my family

I have had some really precious times in recent days with my sister and her two awesome kiddos! So this post is nothing thought-provoking, just a tribute of gratitude to God for the wonderful relationships He has blessed me with!

Questions for Examination: Pursuing Biblical Womanhood

My walk with Christ:
* Is my closest friend and companion Christ?
* Is intimacy with Christ my most valued treasure?

Worldly Pursuits:
* Do I waste time on the Internet, reading novels, watching movies or TV instead of disciplining myself in the graces of biblical womanhood like keeping my home, learning new tools to benefit my home and ministry, reading helpful and sanctifying materials?
* Am I overly concerned with fashion, material possessions, and external appearances?

Purity:
* Am I fueling sensual (or even simply romanticized) thoughts and desires through books, magazines, TV shows, movies or music that are not morally pure or that stir up feelings I am not able to biblically live out at this time?
* Do I manipulate to get attention from the opposite sex?
* Do I engage in flirtatious speech, looks or behavior?

Speech:
* Does my demeanor tend to be loud and defiant or do I communicate a meek, quiet and submissive spirit?
* Are the praises of God continually on my lips or am I complaining?

Stewardship vs. Selfishness:
* Am I spending my time serving others or serving myself?
* Where do I see the Lord challenging my self-centeredness and what am I doing about it?

Prayer:
* Do I regularly engage in prayer for the men and women in my circle of fellowship?
* Do I trust in the Lord's sovereign care of me and express that in my prayers?

Authority and Submission:
* How do I respond to my authorities (not just a husband or parents) when I am troubled or disagree with something they have said?
* How well do those in authority know me? Do I avoid being known by them?

Service:
* Do I view this unmarried season of my life (or childless season) as one unique for intense ministry?
* Have I squandered opportunities for ministry in sinful self-focus or discontentment?
* Do I have friends and family or church families whom I serve intentionally and regularly?

NOTE: Some of this material was taken from various lessons/articles by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Patricia Ennis and Andrea Kolstad