Loneliness

I hate to copy from someone else's blog very often and not be original in my own right, however, when someone has something so profound to offer I think it can be really helpful. Let's face it, we all run in different circles and passing things around is really the only way all of us have access to encouraging things. So I hope this nugget from a fellow biblical counselor can be of encouragement to you this day:

Some have implied, if not stated outright, that marriage is the solution to loneliness. But where does that leave a child who won't have that option for years? Or a prisoner with no hope of parole? Or an elderly widow? Maybe you're thinking they should be content with God alone, but Adam had God alone--without any sin whatsoever--and God said no, this is not good. And besides, aren't all of us--married or single--meant to find our contentment in Him? The notion that marriage is the solution to loneliness suggests that one category of people is potentially exempt from this experience, and the rest of us are just stuck with it. But that's not true. As a matter of fact, it was a married couple who first experienced loneliness. The real solution lies not in marriage, but in our union with Christ, which leads to our union with one another. When God created Eve, he created marriage, but more than that, he created community. . . . In our society today, we're big on family, but we tend to think of family in narrow terms--as in our own personal, nuclear families. But when someone told Jesus that his mother and brothers wanted to speak to him, he asked, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers? Whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Matt. 12:48-50). Jesus redefined and enlarged the meaning of family. If marriage were God's answer to loneliness, why isn't there any giving or taking in marriage in heaven? That's a trick question because, actually, there is. But it's not individuals who are married in heaven; it is God's people corporately--the church, the bride of Christ--who will finally meet our bridegroom face to face.
"Loneliness: God's Remedy," by Jayne Clark, JBC (Fall 2005): 8-9.

A great link on why I blog too:)

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2009/05/measly-bits.html

Blessings

This morning was a wonderful time as I reflected on some precious blessings that the Lord has consistently and faithfully placed in my life. I am so glad that I was able to ponder these things before what happened this afternoon, as it was affirmation that He was refining my heart to be right before Him without the knowledge of the huge blessing that was to come. First, let me say that in light of the recent unexpected circumstances that have come in the past couple of weeks (namely, receiving those traffic violations:), I have had moments of sinful worry about how I would manage graduate school expenses this summer, as well as some other financial burdens that have arisen. However, as I was driving to a meeting this morning, I began to think upon all the ways that God has blessed me, both in physical and spiritual care. So even as I was driving, I was making a list in my mind of these blessings, planning to share them. So here are my reflections:

1. a saving faith in Christ Jesus, which more and more becomes my true and solitary enjoyment in life, and comforts me even when I feel like I don't belong or fit in
2. a mother and father who love me unconditionally and sacrificially, who have always given up their own pursuits to allow me to pursue missions opportunities and now further education
3. a legacy of biblical womanhood from my grandmother and mother (I have fond memories of learning to cook/bake with them, watching and hearing them read the Word diligently, being certain of their constant prayers for me, seeing them serve in the church since I was a baby by caring for the needs of others - all completely without a desire for recognition)
4. a church family that I providentially became a part of almost ten years ago, where I am cared for like a daughter by my pastors, corrected with love, equipped with diligent truth, given opportunity to minister as a single woman, and restored to joy even during times of difficulty
5. a home where I am comfortable and have all that I need, provided within my family's means by sweet landlords who care for us much more than just as tenants
6. friends - what can I even say to this point, as I have been given so many precious relationships that have impacted my life far more than I ever imagined
7. a joyful role as Auntie Melissa to Addy and Rory, bringing me endless memories of being able to nurture and even spoil a little
8. a distinct opportunity to be sharpened and equipped for ministry through my schooling at The Master's College as I train for a degree in biblical counseling - it amazes me how the Lord brought me to this point!
9. health that allows me to maintain a busy schedule without undue hindrances
10. surprise blessings from dear family and friends (this item includes a multitude of examples!)such as special dinner invitations, transportation assistance, thoughtful gifts, provisions for my schooling, fun getaways - all given by those who were motivated solely by a selfless love to extend their own blessings to include me

My list could certainly go on if I took more time to consider these things, but as I contemplated it this morning, I was moved to tears and almost had to pull off the road. How could I ever doubt that my God would not supply all my needs according to His riches and glory when He has provided so much in all my 32 years? Without exception, every need that has ever come up - He has always been faithful to meet in some way or another!

It brings to mind this song by Sara Groves entitled, He's Always Been Faithful To Me:
Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me.

So, if you are wondering what blessing came this afternoon, it was a awe-filled one! This may sound funny, but my Mom and I have been looking to figure out what we could sell in order to make money to help with my school expenses for this summer (since I have to travel to CA for a month to attend classes). We decided to take some old jewelry, most of which had no real sentimental value, and sell it to one of those random places where they buy gold. Needless to say, we received FAR, FAR more than we ever thought possible! The important part though, was that God was already moving in my heart this morning to be thankful and reflective of all that He has given me before I even knew that my Mom was going to go do this today. I am so thankful for His perfect timing and how he ordains all things so that I am left with nothing to say other than, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

Modesty for special occasions

In the past couple of years I have seen an increasing trend among Christian young ladies to think that when summer rolls around or we prepare for a special event (such as prom, weddings, a recognition party) that somehow our standards for modesty seem to adjust, and usually not for the better. While this topic is often greeted with groans in our hearts because we get tired of hearing it or even more so because we just don't want to hear about it for fear that it may bother our conscience, it is an important and necessary issue that cannot be neglected. I would strongly encourage you to listen to the following message and read the post linked to below. When you are shopping for your new bathing suit, that fun spring party, or choosing a dress for the next wedding you will most certainly be invited to this summer...please remember that the way in which you present your body before others speaks volumes about your care and concern for the body of Christ. How different is your approach in preparing for such events than women of the world? Could we tell by looking at your manner of dress, as well as demeanor, that you are not of this world, and that you have a higher and entirely holy perspective on the message that is sent? Are you guarding the eyes and most importantly the hearts of your brothers in Christ, particularly when you are dressing for an occasion when you most certainly will be the center of attention? Consider how showing certain parts of your body that are not normally seen can be very enticing to a man, whether you think so or not. I read some results from a poll that the guys at Rebelution took of a number of young Christian single men, and they all said, almost without exception that the bare neck and shoulders of a woman were one of the most visually stimulating parts of her figure. Young men are accountable for the sin of their own lust, be we are commanded in Scripture to honor them, love them, and look out for their best interests. Yes, it is more challenging and probably takes more time to find modest attire. But that is not a reason to give up and sacrifice our modesty. We often think it is elegant to wear certain types of attire or that a special occasion justifies wearing something we may not normally wear...but where do we find any biblical support for such thinking? Address your heart, prayerfully consider your motives, prefer others over yourself. This is the biblical woman's attitude toward her dress in all times and places. "Modesty is humility expressed in dress" (Janelle Bradshaw). "Is your intent to show the grace and beauty of godly womanhood?...It is our hearts that dictate our appearance." (John MacArthur)

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2006/04/a_pastors_plea.html

http://www.covlife.org/resources/741764-A_Modest_Heart

Needs

In my graduate studies, I recently had to read an article entitled, "Who Are We? Needs, Longings, and the Image of God in Man" by Edward T. Welch. I was greatly impacted by the clarity of his admonitions about the dangers of contemporary psychology and its damaging effects upon the modern Church. Christians everywhere, even in good theologically sound churches are embracing an understanding of "Christian counseling" that is skewed and unbiblical. Oftentimes, the congregation has no idea that these things are a distortion of true biblical counseling, usually because the pastor himself does not have an accurate understanding of it. We leave that to the "experts" and simply read the latest big hit that is covering the racks of the local Christian bookstore. If you take a good long look at those books, they will typically have much reference to "self" and "felt needs". Here is what Welch says:

"Doesn't the gospel, in a very real sense, obliterate our preoccupation with ourselves, equipping us to be preoccupied with loving God and others? Is it possible that looking for self-worth or significance is a fundamentally misguided goal? Should we be asking other questions such as, 'Why am I so interested in me?'".

And further..."The natural resting point of need theories is my need, not the perfections of God, whose image I was created to reflect. The difference may seem subtle, but need theories rest on the individual person rather than God".

And finally..."The essence of the image of God in man is that we rejoice in God's presence, love Him above all else, and live for God's glory, not our own. As we learn by grace to love God and love our neighbor, we express the glory-image of God. The center of gravity in the universe is God and His glory-holiness - not our longings. And the most basic question of human existence becomes 'How can I bring glory to God?,' not 'How will I meet my longings?' These differences yield very different tugs on our hearts: one constantly pulls us outward to God as servants of His will; the other pulls God inward as servant of our longings".

So, which is your picture of God? One of Master and Ruler, Redeeming Savior who you find it a delight to carry out His perfect will - or one who is there to meet your needs and fill you up when you are lonely or depressed?

Mercy

This week has definitely been one of those weeks where many things seem to NOT go according to my plans or ideas of what would be pleasant. However, my wonderful Savior continues to show me quite clearly that His ways and plans are far superior to mine! After facing some measure of disappointment from losing my special ring, then yesterday I received two traffic citations totaling over $200! With grad. school, work and ministry responsibilities, my time is already spread so thin that I was really discouraged not only at the cost but also the time that will now be demanded to take a driver's course so I don't get any points on my license.

Thankfully, the Lord has revealed so many precious truths even in this frustrating situation. At first, I was really annoyed that the officer cited me. I mean, no one in my vehicle ever saw a sign saying that we could not do a u-turn at this particular opening in the road. And then, despite being as polite and submissive as possible to the officer, he not only charged me for the driving error, but also for not having my license updated. You see, when we moved a while back, I never even thought about getting my license changed to show my new address. I thought for sure he would appreciate my good manners and at least extend some mercy for that. Not so! I drove away with two hefty fines, points on my license, and a little bit of discouragement.

When I began to mull over everything, I remembered quickly how faithful God has always been to provide for all my needs all the time. It seems like anytime I have a medical or dental expense, a bill for school, an unexpected car repair...the Lord has always provided just what was necessary to get me through it. Why would I doubt Him now? Furthermore, though I am thankful that I have a clear conscience knowing that I handled the situation rightly, in looking back at it, I see a lesson in mercy that I did not notice at first. Although my u-turn was completely unintentional and devoid of any knowing malicious disobedience, it was still unlawful. There was obviously a sign, even though I missed it. In the same way, God's law is always right there, in His Word and written on my heart...leaving me without any excuse. His law demands justice, and there is no mercy for pleading ignorance to it! Leviticus 5:17 states: "If any one sins, doing any of the things which the Lord has commanded not to be done, though he does not know it, yet he is guilty and shall bear his iniquity". Wayne Grudem says, "unintentional sin is still sin"! Any one sin makes man guilty, punishable by eternal judgement! Yet, God, who is RICH in mercy, has chosen to forgive that sin, paying the penalty through the death of His own Son! So I have been granted mercy, far more than I could ever ask for, imagine, or deserve. Here I was thinking I deserved mercy from this man because I was respectful and submissive to his authority. But instead, I should have been grateful to have received mercy in Christ Jesus, who will supply for every need, and has paid for and forgiven even my sins that were not premeditated or intentional! I have been granted great mercy, indeed!

Mothering for the Motherless

I typically do not attempt to talk about my desires for motherhood, especially publicly, due to the fact that it could easily be perceived as patronizing or insensitive to the many women who have experienced deeply painful longings for motherhood. I think of all the precious women who have miscarried, had stillborn children, buried young ones, are struggling with fertility issues, or awaiting the opportunity to welcome an adopted child into their homes. Their circumstances are very severe and hard to walk through, and it is only done so in joy for them when they look to Christ and press on in God's grace. Although my situation is not even close to this type of experience, I do long for children of my own, which is not even a hopeful reality in my immediate future seeing as I am not married, nor close to it! Every once in a long while (it has improved with age), the longing is so close that it feels like an ache inside me that washes over me unexpectedly. Especially when Mother's Day approaches, I tend to become sinfully anxious about what the preacher will speak on, wondering how I will bear listening to the exaltation of a role that I may never be able to know personally. However, the past couple of days, in moments of doubt and just a little lonely disappointment - the Lord, once again, corrected me and reminded me of the precious plans that He has for me and that my identity is not in my wishful role of being a wife or a mother, but is in Christ as my sweet and tender Husband, my most treasured Friend, and the One who supplies all my needs according to His lovingkindness. It is good to remember that even being a wife and mother, no matter how spiritually significant those roles are, is but a temporary assignment. In heaven, there will be no wives or mothers. In heaven, we will enjoy our greatest role of all, dancing in praise before the throne of God. Therefore, I lack nothing of any high importance, even in this life! Even if I had children (though they are a rich opportunity for Gospel living to be manifested to a dying world), it would still only be a temporary and fleeting experience.

This weekend I went away for a couple days with some friends and their children. It was a wonderful time! A great way for me to experience and enjoy the blessings of children, fun and a family atmosphere. Needless to say as our fun came to a close, while we were at the pool, I left my ring behind as we got changed and ready to leave. I did not notice it was missing until we were halfway home. My heart sunk immediately as I thought about its significance. I am a very sentimental person, and this was one of the few pieces of jewelry that I really care about at all. It was just a small band of diamonds, purchased three years ago, on my first mission trip to South Africa. But I have worn it since that day and rarely removed it. It has been a constant reminder of my experiences there, the precious friends made there, and the work of the Lord in that dark land. At the same time as I was selfishly thinking about losing it, the Lord quickly reminded me that again, He only gives what is needful, and anything beyond that is merely an abundance of blessing granted out of His goodness. He knows I do not need a ring. Not at all! What a silly thing to focus on...it has no eternal value or even much current purpose in my life other than being a sweet memory. These things are not necessary for me to carry on...God has promised that He has given me all things in Christ Jesus, so what more could I want? I do not need a husband, my own house to decorate and enjoy, or even my own children to love and discipline according to his Word. Do not misunderstand me, these are good things, desirable things, and things that bring honor and glory to God when done biblically. But they are not something that are exclusive to women who physically live out these roles. Every believing woman is called to be a helper, to submit to her authorities, to nurture and teach children. There is no biblical evidence that these qualities are reserved only for wives and mothers!

In thinking about some of these matters, I would like to close this post with some quotes from a single woman who is a fine example of spiritual motherhood. Carolyn McCulley is someone I have read and been encouraged by for several years now, despite having no personal knowledge of her. She is filled with spiritual insight and wisdom, and clearly takes her role of being a biblical woman very seriously!

"Now that many single years have gone by, I've had more time to ponder the impact of childlessness on the definition of biblical femininity. Certainly, the Bible shows that women are called to be life-bearers. From the childbirth curse on Eve through the trials of barrenness in Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and others, the issues of the womb are given much exposure in Scripture, Single, childless women can contribute much to the life-bearing process by supporting the parenting work of those around them. Whether as aunts or close friends, single women can invest in the future by intentionally pursuing relationships with the children around them. If the role of aunt seems unimportant to you, then please read 2 Kings 11:1-3. When the Baal-worhsiping, power-hungry, vengeful Queen Athaliah decides to destroy the entire royal family of Judah, she comes within one baby of wiping out King David's royal line. But Jehosheba, sister of the deceased King Ahaziah, 'took Joash the son of Ahaziah, and stole him from among the king's sons which were slain,' hiding the one-year-old boy and his nurse at the temple of the Lord for six years while the ambitious Queen Athaliah ruled. Who knows whether you have been put into the lives of your nieces and nephews for such heroism as this, or more simply to follow the command of Psalm 145:4 to be part of one generation that praises God's works to another? Either way, you are investing in the eternal.

Over the years, I've been fascinated with the prophetic imagery in Isaiah 54:1, where the barren woman is commanded to burst into song because 'more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife.' This picture of the future glory of Zion grabs our attention because of the juxtapositions of joy in barrenness and teeming descendants given to those who are childless. The Lord continues by telling the barren woman not to hold back, to enlarge the place of her tent! Obviously, this is a prophetic portrait of faith in the One who is the 'Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,' but I believe there is a practical application for childless women - namely, to make room for children.

When I was a new Christian and one of the few single women in my church, one woman wisely counseled me to prayerfully choose a few families to invest in for childcare and to limit my babysitting roster to those children. That struck me at first as a tad self-protective, but later I saw how that developed deeper relationships with those children. I got to know them well, and then could plan for activities and gifts that might bless them. Now that I have three nieces and a nephew, I plan for visits, 'dates' out, and overnights. More importantly, I pray for and with them, trying to share the love of God and the Gospel in ways they can understand. When I get discouraged by the 'limits' of being an aunt or special family friend, I can count on God to provide refreshment through something such as this recent note by my niece, Clare: 'I love to play with you. Thank you for my new dress-up clothes and book. Thank you for everything. I'll always love you. I love you until the moon comes up and until the morning and night!' It makes you want to lengthen those tent cords even more."

How true this rings! Having three or four dear families who allow me to participate in their families has been a special blessing for me, a precious time to nurture and teach, and Lord-willing it will be a particular opportunity to pass TRUTH on to the next generation. Hold the things of this life loosely! Even the precious things of sentiment, even your husbands, your children, or your desires and hopes for those things. For they are not your final pursuit. It is Christ, and His eternal fellowship that we strive for! May He continue to prove His faithfulness, using whatever means is necessary to make us women who are single-minded in devotion!

Enemies

One of my pastors wisely said to me in a recent meeting...

"If you don't have any enemies, then you stand for nothing."

I am not sure if this was an original quote or something he remembered from someone else, but either way, it sure does ring true!

the world...

Well this is a really crazy week for me as I prepare for the new onslaught of all my graduate summer courses. I have seven assignments due (mainly papers) this Monday so....needless to say I have not had a lot of extra time to expound on some of my formulating ideas for a blog post. However, last week I spent some time reading some very insightful blog posts on Shepherd's Fellowship by Dr. John MacArthur. Here is a snippet from one of those posts:

You cannot make a biblical case for Christians to embrace worldly fads—especially when those fads are diametrically at odds with the wholesome speech, pure mind, and chaste behavior that God calls us to display. At its core, this is about ideology. No matter how culture changes, the truth never does.

I see this more and more in our culture, and unfortunately within our church walls. We live two lives, one that is sacred and one that is secular. This is not biblical, nor a God-exalting testimony to those we claim to be so burdened to see come to Christ. It requires sacrifice: sacrifice of relationships, sacrifice of perceived "fun" that we miss out on, sacrifice of time and effort to do ministry and care for others, sacrifice of what we think we have earned or deserve, sacrifice of self! Dying to self means that I should become less and less like this world and feel further and further alienated from it. I can live in this world, but I should not be comfortable in it. How many of us are quite comfortable? Even in church? Other than our participation in Sunday activities and maybe a bit of devotional time at home, how radically different are we than this world? Is our speech so noticeably different that we no longer fit in to worldly conversations? Is our love for others, particularly those within the household of faith, so enlarged that we seem strange to those around us? I would venture to say that for the most part, we often fit into this world rather easily, swimming right along with the tides of relevancy and political correctness. May it no longer be so!