Mothering for the Motherless

I typically do not attempt to talk about my desires for motherhood, especially publicly, due to the fact that it could easily be perceived as patronizing or insensitive to the many women who have experienced deeply painful longings for motherhood. I think of all the precious women who have miscarried, had stillborn children, buried young ones, are struggling with fertility issues, or awaiting the opportunity to welcome an adopted child into their homes. Their circumstances are very severe and hard to walk through, and it is only done so in joy for them when they look to Christ and press on in God's grace. Although my situation is not even close to this type of experience, I do long for children of my own, which is not even a hopeful reality in my immediate future seeing as I am not married, nor close to it! Every once in a long while (it has improved with age), the longing is so close that it feels like an ache inside me that washes over me unexpectedly. Especially when Mother's Day approaches, I tend to become sinfully anxious about what the preacher will speak on, wondering how I will bear listening to the exaltation of a role that I may never be able to know personally. However, the past couple of days, in moments of doubt and just a little lonely disappointment - the Lord, once again, corrected me and reminded me of the precious plans that He has for me and that my identity is not in my wishful role of being a wife or a mother, but is in Christ as my sweet and tender Husband, my most treasured Friend, and the One who supplies all my needs according to His lovingkindness. It is good to remember that even being a wife and mother, no matter how spiritually significant those roles are, is but a temporary assignment. In heaven, there will be no wives or mothers. In heaven, we will enjoy our greatest role of all, dancing in praise before the throne of God. Therefore, I lack nothing of any high importance, even in this life! Even if I had children (though they are a rich opportunity for Gospel living to be manifested to a dying world), it would still only be a temporary and fleeting experience.

This weekend I went away for a couple days with some friends and their children. It was a wonderful time! A great way for me to experience and enjoy the blessings of children, fun and a family atmosphere. Needless to say as our fun came to a close, while we were at the pool, I left my ring behind as we got changed and ready to leave. I did not notice it was missing until we were halfway home. My heart sunk immediately as I thought about its significance. I am a very sentimental person, and this was one of the few pieces of jewelry that I really care about at all. It was just a small band of diamonds, purchased three years ago, on my first mission trip to South Africa. But I have worn it since that day and rarely removed it. It has been a constant reminder of my experiences there, the precious friends made there, and the work of the Lord in that dark land. At the same time as I was selfishly thinking about losing it, the Lord quickly reminded me that again, He only gives what is needful, and anything beyond that is merely an abundance of blessing granted out of His goodness. He knows I do not need a ring. Not at all! What a silly thing to focus on...it has no eternal value or even much current purpose in my life other than being a sweet memory. These things are not necessary for me to carry on...God has promised that He has given me all things in Christ Jesus, so what more could I want? I do not need a husband, my own house to decorate and enjoy, or even my own children to love and discipline according to his Word. Do not misunderstand me, these are good things, desirable things, and things that bring honor and glory to God when done biblically. But they are not something that are exclusive to women who physically live out these roles. Every believing woman is called to be a helper, to submit to her authorities, to nurture and teach children. There is no biblical evidence that these qualities are reserved only for wives and mothers!

In thinking about some of these matters, I would like to close this post with some quotes from a single woman who is a fine example of spiritual motherhood. Carolyn McCulley is someone I have read and been encouraged by for several years now, despite having no personal knowledge of her. She is filled with spiritual insight and wisdom, and clearly takes her role of being a biblical woman very seriously!

"Now that many single years have gone by, I've had more time to ponder the impact of childlessness on the definition of biblical femininity. Certainly, the Bible shows that women are called to be life-bearers. From the childbirth curse on Eve through the trials of barrenness in Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and others, the issues of the womb are given much exposure in Scripture, Single, childless women can contribute much to the life-bearing process by supporting the parenting work of those around them. Whether as aunts or close friends, single women can invest in the future by intentionally pursuing relationships with the children around them. If the role of aunt seems unimportant to you, then please read 2 Kings 11:1-3. When the Baal-worhsiping, power-hungry, vengeful Queen Athaliah decides to destroy the entire royal family of Judah, she comes within one baby of wiping out King David's royal line. But Jehosheba, sister of the deceased King Ahaziah, 'took Joash the son of Ahaziah, and stole him from among the king's sons which were slain,' hiding the one-year-old boy and his nurse at the temple of the Lord for six years while the ambitious Queen Athaliah ruled. Who knows whether you have been put into the lives of your nieces and nephews for such heroism as this, or more simply to follow the command of Psalm 145:4 to be part of one generation that praises God's works to another? Either way, you are investing in the eternal.

Over the years, I've been fascinated with the prophetic imagery in Isaiah 54:1, where the barren woman is commanded to burst into song because 'more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife.' This picture of the future glory of Zion grabs our attention because of the juxtapositions of joy in barrenness and teeming descendants given to those who are childless. The Lord continues by telling the barren woman not to hold back, to enlarge the place of her tent! Obviously, this is a prophetic portrait of faith in the One who is the 'Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,' but I believe there is a practical application for childless women - namely, to make room for children.

When I was a new Christian and one of the few single women in my church, one woman wisely counseled me to prayerfully choose a few families to invest in for childcare and to limit my babysitting roster to those children. That struck me at first as a tad self-protective, but later I saw how that developed deeper relationships with those children. I got to know them well, and then could plan for activities and gifts that might bless them. Now that I have three nieces and a nephew, I plan for visits, 'dates' out, and overnights. More importantly, I pray for and with them, trying to share the love of God and the Gospel in ways they can understand. When I get discouraged by the 'limits' of being an aunt or special family friend, I can count on God to provide refreshment through something such as this recent note by my niece, Clare: 'I love to play with you. Thank you for my new dress-up clothes and book. Thank you for everything. I'll always love you. I love you until the moon comes up and until the morning and night!' It makes you want to lengthen those tent cords even more."

How true this rings! Having three or four dear families who allow me to participate in their families has been a special blessing for me, a precious time to nurture and teach, and Lord-willing it will be a particular opportunity to pass TRUTH on to the next generation. Hold the things of this life loosely! Even the precious things of sentiment, even your husbands, your children, or your desires and hopes for those things. For they are not your final pursuit. It is Christ, and His eternal fellowship that we strive for! May He continue to prove His faithfulness, using whatever means is necessary to make us women who are single-minded in devotion!