Segregation

Let me preface this post with a couple of disclaimers (I guess that's what we would call them:)...

1)I am not turning this blog into a "singles" blog despite some frequent posts on the subject of being unmarried. However, because I am in the process of working on my graduate thesis (which is about the unmarried woman), it is a more pertinent consideration in my life these days.
2)I am not complaining or referring to myself specifically in these posts. My life as an unmarried woman is richly full and significantly blessed beyond measure! While I do desire marriage in many regards, I am happily submissive to God's perfect will for my life right now (most of the time anyway!). I am writing these posts, as well as my entire thesis, specifically for the benefit of ministry - ministry to myself, to my dear sisters in Christ who remain single for this season, and for the benefit of the Church, so that maybe just a little, we can cultivate a better understanding of how the unmarried woman relates to and lives out her calling in the community of believers in which she serves.

That being said, I plan to have a full chapter of my thesis devoted to the role of the unmarried woman in her local church, as well as that church's role in the unmarried woman's life. These things could certainly apply to men as well, but since I am a woman, my calling is to speak primarily to women and leave the teaching and discipling of men to my wise and God-ordained male authorities.

In observing the local church and its relationship to the unmarried woman, many would immediately and rightly note that there is a special place for mentoring and training, in which the Titus 2 model is carried out in an effort to live out a holy calling of spiritual mothering. To this I would be the first to cry out a hearty "Amen!". However, I believe there is much more to this relationship of the unmarried woman to her congregation when we consider the later age at which many women are marrying and even the more common experience of prolonged or permanent singleness. While I could spend time outlining the many possible reasons for this "trend" (such as prolonged adolescence, selfish ambition and feminist mindset, a shortage of godly, driven and biblically sound males who are prepared to take a bride and lead a home, and even just the ever increasing affects of sin in general - for it was God Himself who said it was not good for man to be alone, yet He said this before the Fall - is it possible that singleness is one of the outcomes of sin entering this world since His original intention was for marriage?...these are all areas of consideration I will explore further in my thesis after much more diligent study), the primary purpose of this post is not to do so, but it is to discuss how an unmarried woman can relate to her spiritual family and how they can relate to her.

One of the first things that came to my mind when thinking on all of this was the examples of the apostles and close followers of Christ in the New Testament. It is evident that there was a great deal of fellowship that took place between both marrieds and unmarrieds. In fact, part of what makes that clear is that there is not a distinguishing mention of those classifications. Now, we live in a day where classifications are everything and everywhere! We have singles fellowships, young marrieds dinners, family nights, and on and on. Please note, I am not calling for us to do away with all such categories. I know that it is beneficial to all for some Bible studies and classes to be aimed at particular audiences who are experiencing similar circumstances in life. However, have we so segregated ourselves in these categories that it becomes totally unnatural to specifically plan to fellowship together? Let me give a couple of real-life examples. Last week I went to dinner and a movie with a married couple I am friends with, and later today, I will meet another young married couple for lunch. I am not bringing a date, or even another girlfriend to accompany me. It will be me, my friend and her husband. And let me tell you, those outings are very special to me. It is my time to feel like an adult, a true friend...much more than a babysitter or a pity project. We enjoy true and sweet fellowship. I give these examples because I know of many singles who don't have such experiences. So, the next time you are planning a game night or going out to the movies, invite some friends - whoever that may be - without limiting the guest list to just those with a spouse and kids the same age as yours. Yes, there are times when you want to be alone on a date with your husband or go out with another couple you enjoy talking with. But just consider the opportunity you have to be a "family" to the unmarried woman and to make her feel loved in Christ Jesus.

Lest you think I only offer "corrective" advice for the marrieds, let me speak to the unmarried woman's role as well. Ladies, let us not box ourselves in. Be flexible about how you spend time with your married friends. Being friends with a married woman requires that you be willing to maybe run errands with her, help her around the house, work on a special project, or have a cup of coffee while her kids play outside. You too must be willing to change up your plans and your preconceived idea of what you think fellowship is. Some of the best conversations I have had with married friends were painting a dresser until the wee hours of the morning, rocking a baby while she did dishes and chatted with me.

By being willing to forgo the typical expectations of society (ones that we have foolishly placed on ourselves and are not rooted in Scripture), we have deprived one another of some very sweet and encouraging friendships in the body of Christ. It is clear man was not meant to be alone - whatever that looks like for each of us may be different. God created us to live in community with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to teach one another and live out examples of godliness as a testimony of the transforming work of the Savior. Acts chapter two provides a vivid demonstration of this principle:

44And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Take note, it does not say, "all the married people" or "all the single people" gathered in the temple and homes. There was no segregation.