Christ my Husband...

The holidays are always a time that can be quite difficult for many walking through this temporal life. Maybe a spouse of many years has passed recently, maybe one's marriage has unexpectedly and tragically ended, maybe a parent has died...or sadly, maybe a child, or maybe one has watched another year pass without a family of her own. I would fall into the latter category, and I would immediately say that this category is probably far less tragic and sorrowful as the others mentioned. In fact, it is no tragedy at all because it is God's perfect will for my life right now. And how could I be disappointed or frustrated at God's will? That would mean that I believed He was not a good, loving and benevolent God.

As a single woman, there are so many common statements made by well-meaning friends who want to be an encouragement, however, often what is said is not really biblical or helpful. For instance, at a wedding this past weekend, I cannot count how many times myself and several of my unmarried friends heard the comment, "your turn will come". While the thoughtfulness is appreciated, what baffled me was that I was rejoicing at this dear friend's wedding and gave very little thought to my solitary status. I can honestly say that I was basking in my sweet friend's happiness and was not sad or disappointed that it wasn't me getting married. If anything, such comments merely draw the unmarried person's thoughts into exactly the kind of doubting mindset that she is seeking prayerfully to avoid. Another comment that is often spoken is something to the effect of, "well, God give the desires of our hearts and if marriage is what you desire, then He will grant that eventually, you just have to trust Him". Again, well-meaning, but not rooted in any kind of careful theological study whatsoever. There are multitudes of people in Scripture who never got what they desired, but they got what God deemed best for their lives and what would bring Him the most honor and glory! The fact of the matter is...I do desire marriage and children. However, God is not obligated to grant me this desire at all and there is nothing in Scripture that says He will certainly accomplish that specific thing in my life. What is true and sure is that whatever state I am in, God is to be my source of life, happiness, comfort and rest always. He is my Husband, and this is what I was reflecting on during the wedding ceremony I attended this past weekend. God's name was made great in that worship service. He was exalted far above any marriage vows, and that is how it should be! As Christians, we need to be careful in making assumptions and even well-intentioned comments that are based not on Scriptural principles, but on what we think each other wants and deserves. None of us deserve anything. We don't even get a spouse because we deserve it. A husband is not something to be earned by righteous merit that somehow surpasses the norm. It is a precious gift from God, but just as much the companionship granted through sweet friendships and familial bonds within the Church are also precious gifts. While marriage is the biblical norm for most people and the God-ordained means of exemplifying Christ and the Church, it is not something that I am missing because I have somehow failed, and it is not something that I can will to happen by good behavior and faithful living.

So, during the holiday season, when we think that we might see others struggling with loneliness or difficult circumstances, instead of merely trying to speak words of relief, let's help one another embrace the path God has placed us on for this time. Invite one another to meals and activities, include each other in the fun holiday traditions that your families have. Consider the many widows, those who have been neglected by their own earthly families, the college student who can't afford to travel home, those who have no children of their own, or the one who has been painfully discarded by most. This is not written out of self-pity, or from a desire to be seen as such...but as someone who is "alone" and yet has been richly provided for with a warm room in my parent's home and many precious friends who do include me in their lives regularly, I know there are many who do not have such blessings. Let's find them...and seek to minister to them, not patronizing them but encouraging them to live out the calling God has placed on their lives, whatever that may be for this season.