A Troubled Mind...

In recent months I have spoken to or heard of so many who are experiencing difficulties and troubles in their walk on this earth. Life is hard. And sometimes we forget that God has not promised an easy and painless road. In fact, when we thoroughly examine the Scriptures, we find that those who are faithful often experience the most challenging circumstances this life can bring. Even just in recent days, as I was talking with a dear friend, we were discussing how we are sometimes fearful to admit just how dark our minds are in the midst of trouble. We think that by honestly admitting our struggles, we will somehow offend another because maybe they have experience far worse. We think, "I can't possibly confess to having bouts of joylessness or cloudy thoughts because others have lost a child or experienced the death of a lifetime spouse. Who am I to compare my circumstances?" The danger in this type of thinking is that it denies the power of our own depravity. Being sinful people who live in a world that is consumed by sin and its all-encompassing effects, we cannot deny that Satan would love nothing more than to pull us into utter misery, bringing us to a point where we choose to merely go through the motions and remain paralyzed by despair.

Typically when we meet the darkest of days in heart and mind, we are often quick to think as Job's friends did and begin accusing ourselves, thinking there must be some form of twisted punishment for unrepented sins. And while we must attend to self-examination and be certain to resolve any identifiable sins - as well as imploring God to reveal unknown sins from the depths of our hearts - we must also receive these inner turmoils of spirit as a further proof of the Savior's love for us in bringing about greater sanctification.

During such dark moments, particularly if they persist for many days, weeks and months - even years, we are eager to be consoled by the soothing comforts of a friend or loved one, even a pastor or spiritual mentor. We go searching for their assuring presence, and yet oftentimes are disappointed. While God has provided such relationships within the covenant community, it is tempting to be unrealistic in our expectations. When we are disappointed by mortals, we forget our own tendency to disappoint. We become so consumed with how we are "feeling" and how we are not being tended to, that we overlook our own selfish inclinations. We think much too highly of ourselves and so very little of others. We want mercy poured out upon us, and yet refuse to extend it to others.

I have been reading a book by Timothy Rogers (late 1600's), entitled Trouble of Mind and the Disease of Melancholy. He has brought so much clarity to my own understanding of this topic, and so instead of wasting my words trying to come up with some fresh angle, I think it would be most helpful to simply share some of my favorite passages from my readings:

Who can tell the very cause why God allows one religious man to be in affliction for several years, while another, who is perhaps no better than he, scarcely knows what affliction means? One shall be crossed and disappointed in all that he goes about; he meets with losses in his estate and in his family, and his health is damaged, while another prospers, is well, and dies an easy death. In what a smooth path do some good people go to heaven, while others are torn with thorns and briars, and go mourning and weeping all the way! Who dares to presume to say why this is so, and not otherwise?

When we say that God does this or that for such and such a reason, we must do it with great humility, and only so far as the Scripture is our guide. And from that we may learn that God suffers His people to be under the apprehensions of His wrath, and under long afflictions, for such ends as these:

1. It is certainly good for the universe, for God does nothing in vain. And when any part suffers, it is for the good of the whole.

2. He does this so that others may be convinced by their very senses what a dreadful God He is, and how terrible a thing it is to sin. Sometimes, in the extraordinary joys which His love produces in the hearts of His people, He shows heaven upon earth; and sometimes, in the fears, amazements, and terrors of awakened consciences, He shows hell upon earth - and both are designed for the good of others by His wise and holy providence.

3. God does it to keep us from carnal security all our lives. This will make us humble and walk softly all our days, remembering that we are not, every hour, any more than what God makes us to be. If He ever left us for but one poor moment, where would we be?

4. God does this to convince us of His own all-sufficiency, and the nothingness of ourselves and of all other creatures. In our prosperity, we are apt to think that this or that creature, this or that person, will yield us relief; but in spiritual troubles God shows us that all men, even the best of men, are vanity, and those from whom we expect the greatest help do us the least good. Nay, those watchmen of whose skill and kindness we have the greatest opinion are frequently allowed to smite us by their imprudent or harsh speeches and censures, so that we may not look to those cisterns which we find to be broken ones, but to that heaven whence all consolation flows. When we go to created things with the most raised expectations, we meet with the most unlooked-for disappointments. And indeed, while we look only to them, we are like people who go begging to the doors of the poor. Our fellow creatures have nothing but what they receive; unless God helps us, they cannot help either. Unless the wind blows, neither all the skill of the pilot nor all the industry of the mariner can make the ship sail forward to the port. We think that if our friend was sick, we would hasten to his help and immediately relieve him; but our best Friend stays a long while before He delivers us, not from any pleasure that He takes in our sorrows, but that He may render His power and His wisdom more illustrious. He wants us to see that all other things are inconsiderable, but that He is all-sufficient.

There are several more purposes that I will post here in the next couple of days as I continue to contemplate God's ever-present hand of providence flowing in the lives of His people. May we ponder such truths that are offered from the greatest depths of His treasures. It is in His life-giving words that we can find peace...and only there! Praise Him for His faithfulness in using mere men to reveal such things to our stubborn hearts!

"Master save us, lest we perish!" (Matthew 8)

Friend...

Recent weeks and months have brought a new appreciation and gratitude in my heart for the dear friendships God has so graciously blessed me with. There are more blessings than I can even number here that have come as a direct result of the loving investment some of my closest friends have made in my life. I was reminded again of this treasure, when reading this blog today:

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/

Check it out and consider...what kind of friend are you? And what kind of friendships are you busy cultivating?

It never ends...

The problem of immodesty, impurity, indiscretion, and seduction seems to never go away...but of particular concern is that it doesn't even seem restrained within the Church. We hear sermons, read devotionals, study Scripture ourselves - and yet the problem remains ever-present. I just returned from a youth camp last week, at which we had the privilege of being taught very clearly about the scriptural basis for biblical manhood and womanhood - both in relation to masculinity and femininity, as well as the area of dating (or whatever you might like to call it). It seems to be a topic that is revisited over and over, to the point that we hear young people letting out sighs of complaint when it comes up once again.

We must take note that unfortunately the problem is often exacerbated by uninvolved/unconcerned - or at best - biblically ignorant, parents. Whenever the issue arises, there are always remarks made like, "My parents never tell me I can't wear this!" or from older women, "Well my husband doesn't seem to mind" and "You're just being legalistic!"

Now, on the one hand, there must be balance. There is certainly not more piety in a woman simply because she wears a dress that covers all the way down to her ankles and reveals no traces of makeup or hair product. This woman may oftentimes have just as much sinful preoccupation with her physical appearance as the woman wearing tight shorts that look no better than an undergarment. It might be that she is sinfully prideful in being more conservative. So we must be cautious when making such judgments.

But here's the main thing. When discussing modesty or demeanor, we tend to always lean on the argument that Scripture is not clear and so we can't really judge one another in these matters. However, if we don't do any wise and helpful judging, then how will anyone ever know what modesty/purity/discretion really is? Areas that are "gray" in the Bible demand that we apply biblical principles to make wise decisions that will only build up the body of Christ. And I fear that this is where we as the Church are failing miserably.

When your question about your clothing is more geared toward how far can you go without being immodest, rather than - how modest can you be - then there is the problem! If you have to ask your mother or an older Christian woman, "Is this OK?" then it's likely that you already know the answer. Unfortunately, many fathers and mothers are not thinking clearly in this area. Oftentimes, they view it as "innocent" or "cute", which in effect, provokes the problem.

The same goes for behavior. If your demeanor is such that you are perceived as the girl everyone is always chasing after, and your smiles, gestures and eye movements are altered when you are around certain men, then you already know that you are showing favoritism, flirtation and even seductiveness. These mannerisms are not seen in Scripture in any way, other than the descriptions of those who are united as husband and wife. The same application can be made for men, but as a woman, my role is to speak to my own gender.

This may sound like a rant. And it does seem to occupy my thoughts often. But the Bible speaks repeatedly on the discreet and submissive and lovely adornments of a godly woman. So it must be an issue that every woman carefully considers repeatedly. Tendencies toward immodesty, flirtatious behavior and seductive language reveal a heart that is filled with vanity. The attention is on self. It is not on the other person, or on the body of Christ. When a man or woman is constantly seeking the attention of the opposite sex in a way that has not been affirmed or cannot be righteously fulfilled in marriage, then the sin of self has taken control of his or her thoughts, motives and agenda.

Paying exclusive attention to the opposite sex without securing a commitment of hearts through the means of parental and pastoral permission, whether by way of immodest dress, behavior or speech (this can be through flirting, incessant texting/messaging, emotional fantasizing), is telling your brothers and sisters in Christ that you do not value the Christ-bearing image of each one's creation design. You are placing your self-interest above that of your Christian family - not to mention sending a clear message to the world that you see no reason to pursue femininity/masculinity and relationships in a way that is radically different than theirs.

"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:4

It's been a while...

Recent weeks have been filled with so many things that have taken me from my normal desire and ability to write. As I contemplate some thoughts and prepare to post something more substantial, here is a brief item to consider:

http://www.pcpc.org/ministries/singles/singledout.php

Paige Benton Brown gives some very helpful insight on singleness and I appreciate how she makes a point to "correct" some of the unintentional, albeit frustrating viewpoints that often permeate the Church.

Lord-willing, you will hear something more original from me shortly!

Busy, busy, busy...

These recent weeks have brought about new demands on my time, as well as some important opportunities with family I don't see frequently. With that in mind, anyone who happens to read this will have to simply accept the summer rerun I am going to share for this week. These are some thoughts from previous writing I did for a lesson I was teaching in a young women's small group at church. The notes are taken primarily from John MacArthur's book, Divine Design, a wonderful explanation of biblical manhood and womanhood that every Christian should take the time to read.

The most unfortunate result of the modern corrupted view of creation design is that we tend to fall on one extreme or another in evaluating what makes a woman a truly biblically feminine woman. Let’s contrast these two extremes:

- feminine aggression vs. helplessness, laziness: While we do want to portray discretion, modesty and gentleness, this does not mean that we simply sit around and do nothing thinking that a man must guide our every move. A truly biblical man will be looking for a young woman who is actively disciplining herself in grace, one who has her mind set on things above, and takes necessary action to see the tasks completed. She is busy with the work of the Lord, carrying out projects and fulfilling tasks, always keeping in mind her helper design - whether married or single.

- corporate career planning vs. no plans at all, no pursuit of education: We should not be like the world, eager to take power of companies and rule the office with a shrewd authority. But we also should not simply fall upon our desire for marriage and children as a reason to pursue nothing at all. Biblical womanhood is not simply becoming a wife and mother; anyone can do that! It is becoming a virtuous wife, a pure spouse, a devoted and Bible-saturated mother whose primary objective is the salvation and sanctification of her family and those in her sphere of influence. By pursuing nothing with your education or employment, you are not living out the wonderful opportunities God has graciously granted you. There are things to consider even if marriage is in your future: what if your husband dies? What if he becomes injured on the job? What if there is a severe recession and your husband asks you to go back to work for a time? There are women in our own church right now who are in such a situation. What if you want to homeschool your children? The Proverbs 31 woman most definitely was wise and educated in some fashion. We are told that she considered a field and bought it. She must have had some type of intellectual wisdom in order to carry out such a task. Whether that means pursuing a collegiate education or not is something each individual must consider in light of their authorities, their means, and the revealed will of God. But it is quite clear that a biblical woman carefully uses the mind that God has given her.

- masculine traits in speech: The worldly woman speaks with power, arrogance, brutality, bossiness and calls it being assertive and concise vs. saying nothing at all - thinking that quietness means complete silence, failing to even speak up for truth or to combat error, confronting someone in love who is gossiping or slandering.

A biblical woman is known by her feminine demeanor. She is characterized by gentle words, a soothing and nurturing presence, gracious submissiveness, warm hospitality, loving affection, wise and carefully chosen counsel when called upon...these things are not a happenstance, but a significant and beautiful display of God's intricate plan in creating man, man and woman, woman.

The Cross

Recent days have revealed that I have often allowed so many other things to eclipse the centrality of the cross of Christ in my heart and life. Good things. Things that are often found to be virtuous and pure in Scripture. Things that bring me joy. Things that can be an encouragement to others. And yet...my own soul has often drifted further and further from Christ. When I think upon the cross and what was accomplished there, it doesn't always hit me as it should. I have become busy with life and ministry and good deeds. In seeking to better understand how I have done this and how I can pursue a restored fellowship with my Savior, I have been reading C.J. Mahaney's little book, The Cross Centered Life. In it, he says, "The cross was the centerpiece of Paul's theology. It wasn't merely one of Paul's messages; it was the message. He taught about other things as well, but whatever he taught was always derived from, and related to, the foundational reality that Jesus Christ died so that sinners would be reconciled to God and forgiven by God." He goes on in the first chapter to give a little test to determine whether we are cross centered:

"The symptoms that arise from not being cross centered are easy to spot. Do any of these describe you?
- You often lack joy.
- You're not consistently growing in spiritual maturity.
- Your love for God lacks passion.
- You're always looking for some new technique, some 'new truth' or new experience that will pull all the pieces of your faith together.

If you can relate to any of these symptoms, let me encourage you to keep reading. As you learn to live a cross centered life, you'll learn:
- How to break free from joy-robbing, legalistic thinking and living.
- How to leave behind the crippling effects of guilt and condemnation.
- How to stop basing your faith on your emotions and circumstances.
- How to grow in gratefulness, joy and holiness."

Does this not accurately describe each of us, believers, as we get caught up in the hum-drum superficial demands of this society? We become enslaved to our schedule, busy with "ministry", anxious about earthly matters - all of which deny the power of the cross. I am looking forward to the rest of this little book. I am thankful for even these very hard providences that drive me to self-examination and prayerfully will result in restored joy in the precious Redeemer who has brought my life out of the pit and set my feet upon solid ground! May it be for His glory!

Changing

Changing is something that is seemingly impossible at times. Scripture tells us that with God all things are possible, and yet, when we see characteristics of our personality or temperament that have sinful manifestations, we are often discouraged by the "inability" to change. I say inability carefully because on the one hand, we know that is false. With God, in Christ Jesus' righteousness and the power of the Spirit, we know that we can change. But in the flesh, we truly are unable. And very often, it seems that our flesh wins. We spend hours contemplating the changes we want to make, we even seek counsel and pray thoughtfully toward that end, and yet change remains elusive. We read Bible passages that relate directly to our specific sin struggles, memorize them, hang them on bathroom mirrors or put them on a card and tape it to our dashboard. But nothing seems to change. Then we begin to wonder if there's any point to trying because it never seems to come together. Then there is the even greater condemnation that creeps into our thinking as we start to consider the ramifications of not changing. If we are not changing, then what have we been missing? My pastor has said, "If we have not changed, then we have not learned". There couldn't be a much more glaringly obvious conviction than that. When we continue to struggle with the same sins over and over, then it is evidence that we have not truly learned. Something is unresolved. This is a dangerous place to be, and yet the safest place to be in the sense that we have become aware of it. Ignorance is a quick way to hell. But when we become aware that there is habitual sin in our lives, then we are more inclined to address it. In fact, the genuine believer will be most tormented by the sin he sees in his life. We can take heart in knowing that the conscience God has formed within us is doing its work of conviction, which will hopefully lead to sincere repentance and a desire to flee from that sin and fly to the cross. Oftentimes when we struggle with the same sins over and over, it is because we have tried to conquer it in our flesh, instead of seeking the blood-bought power of Christ within us as our means of true sanctification. May we learn, and therefore, be changed.

I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...

These are the words to one of my favorite songs. And tonight they are a most needful reminder to me of where I do need to go with all the burdens I cannot bear. Because they really do feel unbearable at times. Like last night. My mind was a frenzied whirlwind, utterly unfixed upon the promises of God. Though I prayed a little here and there amidst such thoughts and "tried" to set my mind and heart on things above, instead of the things here on earth...I certainly did not try very hard. I was quick to give up and give in. Oh, how I long to learn to discipline my thoughts and emotions. It feels like a constant roller coaster of reigning them in, bringing them captive to Christ, and then just as quickly experiencing the abrupt effects of the "drop" - it really is like a roller coaster (which by the way, I think of as one of the most dreadful things to experience in life, which is why the analogy will probably seem totally ridiculous to many who love the thrill of such contraptions!).

The point is, like a roller coaster, I am on this "high" where my mind is stayed upon Christ, and then without any warning, it all falls out from underneath me and my mind is consumed by worries about temporal matters. I heard a tremendous sermon by a wise young man the other night, and he described this outrageously beautiful picture of Christ, in which he said that nothing else matters but Christ - yet, within hours after hearing it, I sinfully chose to forgo my thoughts of Christ and began to become overwhelmed thinking about all my responsibilities, how I will find time for all that I must do in the next couple of months, how I miss spending precious times of fellowship with friends because we are all too busy or live so far from one another, how I feel like I do so many things but do nothing well because I am barely holding it all together, wondering what the future holds, contemplating if it's time to move on from some things and pursue something different, wishing I could be a mother, being frustrated that I struggle with the same sins over and over...clearly, allowing my thoughts to go wildly uncontrolled. This led to a sleepless night, one in which I awoke several times, laying awake for hours, only to get up this morning feeling exhausted and disappointed in myself.

In all these things, God is most gracious, is He not? I made it through the day, I didn't have any emotional distress, and I was able to accomplish more than I thought I would when I first awoke to such defeated thoughts. His mercies truly are new every morning, and are just enough to be measured for each day - even moment by moment. He is so good to me! How I love Him! I love that even though I still don't feel like many issues were resolved, there are many remaining frustrations and disappointments - both in myself and in others - I am grateful to be reminded that those feelings hold no significance in the light of God's plans and purposes for my life. My feelings are ever-deceiving and always seeking to promote myself. When I become jealous that there seems to be little opportunity for me to rest or enjoy some frivolities of this life, I can be certain there is no truth in those feelings. When I get discouraged by the way I think others treat me, or by the sin I see in their own lives, I can rest assured there is no validity to it. My flesh has trained me to interpret things as being deserved or undeserved. I have exalted myself and my feelings. I love that God, in Christ Jesus, has already covered all these ridiculously sinful notions in His forgiving grace. I love that even though I don't remember these things oftentimes, He remembers for me. And He is merciful to keep me from sinning worse than I do, because left to myself, I am sure these feelings and contemplations could lead to horrific actions and attitudes that would ruin my testimony and certainly be a discouragement to others. He truly covers my sin and my shame.

Back to the song. "Since you brought dead ones to life...I know You can do that with mine...so I come to You with my broken heart in my hands. I come to You with an anxious and troubled mind...Just like You did to the sea...I know that You will bring peace. I ask, I seek, and knock...that the door will be opened. I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear...Your yoke is easy so I, can trade them for one that is light. So I come to You with the burdens I cannot bear. I come to You with a life that I do not own. The door to Your kingdom is great, and You gave Your own life away...that the door will be opened."

Lord, teach me to come to You with the burdens I cannot bear, to cast them at the foot of the cross, where all things have been made new, and You have reconciled me to Yourself in all ways, so that no burden is heavy.

Leaving behind our discretion

We are reaching an age in time when discretion has crept out the back door...or in some cases, just ran blatantly right out the front! With the wide open spaces of email, Facebook, blogging, and mySpace, we are free to expose whatever we want for the whole world to hear and see. In a time when Christ has been brought down to our level as a means of excusing sin, we have lost our discretion. We no longer blush at mentioning private matters in a very public manner. It's no wonder that women are no longer retaining their feminine virtues - we have been exposed to all kinds of perverse and unladylike manner of living. In fact, we are often eager to engage in such attitudes, speech and behavior. We parade photos of ourselves in swimsuits all across our Facebook profiles. We splash flirtatious words across the message boards of the Internet. We speak in vague ambiguities merely to stir up curiosity among our peers. What's worse, is that we have forgotten not only our discretion, but our call to discipleship amongst the covenant community. Scripture is clear that older men are to be "sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness," and women are to be "reverent in behavior...to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands". Why? "So that the Word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2). When we disregard these instructions and begin to interact and behave just as the world, our ability to influence others for Christ is not only discredited, it is mocked and reviled. I am not seeking to be legalistic in the sense of telling you what you can and cannot wear or what you can do with your "free time". What I am saying is that when you document it and publicize it in an arena where people have no understanding of the background or reasoning behind it, you cannot expect there to be no consequences. Posting photos that call attention to our physical beauty make it quite obvious what we are looking for. Writing about personal matters in a way that leaves much information left to the interpreter, or simply discourages them because we have made our complaints quite clear, has nothing to do with mutual accountability or fellowship within the body. By doing such things, we are provoking others to sin in one way or another. Each one of us is an older and younger woman in every relationship we encounter. Even as a young woman, we are an older woman to those girls we interact with. With each year that passes, we should become more and more of a wise and careful influence on those around us.

We have been warned about this godlessness in the last days. As Paul wrote to Timothy, "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning but never able to arrive at the knowledge of truth." Does this apply to men and women? Of course, as does all of Scripture. But since I am a woman, I am speaking to women here. How is it that weak women are captured, especially if they are in their own homes, as they should be? Because they are not on guard, and they are not busy tending to the things of the Lord. It is quite possible to be a homemaker, never working outside the home, yet be dragged away by the evils of this world. How are we spending our time at home? Aimlessly clicking the remote? Wandering around on one another's profiles looking for juicy or exciting information? Are we using every opportunity - and I mean every - to exalt the name of Christ in one another's lives? It is this age when we are the most in danger, because everything has become so accessible. There are no restrictions any longer.

May we be always pursuing the righteous fruit of Christ. As Paul said to Titus, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works".

Comfort

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." Colossians 1:3-5

We encourage because we have been encouraged in Christ. We love because we have been loved in Christ. We serve because we have been eternally served beyond all that we could ask or think. We can extend mercy because of the mercy that has been lavished upon us. We cover one another's sins because Christ has covered ours. We speak with knowledge and wisdom, because to do otherwise is to deny what we have been given in Christ.