Joy in obedience

My posting may be a little sparse the next couple of weeks as I have some very intense school assignments that are due, some of which I am struggling greatly to meet the deadlines for. However, I wanted to share just a couple of brief thoughts from the past couple of days, things I am contemplating and have yet to come to some final conclusions.

I tend to be a legalist at times, particularly in regard to my own salvation. This hit me so hard in a sermon my pastor preached last night. At the end, he spent just a couple of sentences admonishing the congregation to examine themselves to see if their view of salvation and even sanctification is based upon works. Of course, my knee jerk reaction would always be a resounding, "of course I don't believe that! We are saved by grace through faith". However, when I closely evaluate my heart responses to sin being exposed in my life and even more importantly my motives for obedience, I begin to see how often I operate with a mindset that is trying to somehow earn the favor of the Lord, and even others. This is why my obedience, though outwardly successful, is oftentimes lacking severely in joy. I am the person my pastor was talking about. When he said "do you find yourself thinking that God doesn't love you because of how badly you messed up today?" (paraphrasing), that's me! I operate this way in how I relate to others as well, thinking that their love for me is conditional upon my pleasing them or living up to their standards or even surpassing those standards. I need to apply much of my biblical counseling education to my own heart. Even if I never get to use what I am learning in a job or even as much as I would like in ministry, I was sweetly reminded last night of God's goodness to me in allowing me to learn how to counsel myself. The hard part now is not just speaking to my heart about these matters, but actually doing them and living it out. Again, this goes back to Christ, as I have been studying in Philippians: "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead" (vs.3:12-16).

Pray for me in the coming days to diligently complete my assignments and to do it with joy, all the while learning to be mature in Christ Jesus for the glory of God!